32 replies to this topic

[Dr Gloom]

...is a bit like being asked to make love to the queen. it's a great honour .... but no one wants to do it.

i've just been asked to be a best man. it's the second time i've had the honour but the first time i've been asked to do it alone. last time there were three best men. it was quite cool actually as it took the pressure off a bit.

anyway, .i've been to about 30 weddings over the last few years and when it comes to the speech, you hear loads of the same ice breakers, that people blatantly rip off the internet, again and again. i've lost count of the last time i heard the old classic "it's been an emotional day .... even the cake's in tiers".

without wanting to use an old chestnut liek that, i'm quite up for ripping some decent one liners before i get into the main stories in the speech. what's the best ice breakers you've heard? any good gags out there to use at the top of the speech that haven't been done to death?

thanks in advance.

[Jonny2J]

Awesome.

[Dr Gloom]

alex, on 20 February 2012 - 10:39 AM, said:

I was at a wedding once and quite a posh one at that. Anyway, the best man thought that telling a story about the how the groom was once getting jiggy with a lass down a back alley while his mates cheered him on was appropriate. Only he was so pissed he couldn't get it up so he used the beer bottle in his hand as a makeshift dildo. The speech went down like a wet fart. What I'm trying to say is, know your audience

i think i'll steer clear of that kind of thing

[McFaul]

alex, on 20 February 2012 - 10:39 AM, said:

I was at a wedding once and quite a posh one at that. Anyway, the best man thought that telling a story about the how the groom was once getting jiggy with a lass down a back alley while his mates cheered him on was appropriate. Only he was so pissed he couldn't get it up so he used the beer bottle in his hand as a makeshift dildo. The speech went down like a wet fart. What I'm trying to say is, know your audience

that's comedy sketch quality

[ewerk]

http://www.toontasti...est-man-speech/

http://www.toontasti...t-man-speeches/

May be of some use.

[Happy Face]

ewerk, on 20 February 2012 - 10:50 AM, said:

http://www.toontasti...est-man-speech/ http://www.toontasti...t-man-speeches/ May be of some use.

*cringe*

[Kevin S. Assilleekunt]

sweet jesus, there's even stage directions

*HF, you should have done a stat-based speech, play to your strengths. 50% of marriages end in divorce iirc, play off that.

Edited by Kevin S. Assilleekunt, 20 February 2012 - 11:23 AM.

[Dr Gloom]

anyone got a login for one of those best man speech sites? there was one posted in one of those old threads but it's expired now...

[Kevin S. Assilleekunt]

This bloke has picked the wrong man if you're just going to copy and paste from a best-man website. Hope his choice of wife is a bit better, otherwise this isn't going to last 6 months.

[Happy Face]

Kevin S. Assilleekunt, on 20 February 2012 - 11:21 AM, said:

sweet jesus, there's even stage directions

*HF, you should have done a stat-based speech, play to your strengths. 50% of marriages end in divorce iirc, play off that.

I did

Can't remember it exactly, but was summat like "marriage should be a 50/50 partnership. Pedro, you need to realise that anyone who believes that knows little about women and even less about fractions"

EDIT: *groan*

Edited by Happy Face, 20 February 2012 - 11:34 AM.

[Dr Gloom]

Kevin S. Assilleekunt, on 20 February 2012 - 11:25 AM, said:

This bloke has picked the wrong man if you're just going to copy and paste from a best-man website. Hope his choice of wife is a bit better, otherwise this isn't going to last 6 months.

i've yet to see a best man speech that hasn't used at least one gag ripped from the internet. you need an ice breaker to warm up the crowd before you get into the embarrasing stories. the trick is picking one that hasn't been over used.

[Happy Face]

Utilise some charts....

[sandman02uk]

i started mine by standing up with my speech in my hand, first line was "Wow I knew I would be nervous but that’s the 3rd time today I’ve got up out of a warm seat with paper in my hands…..

anyway….

Good evening ladies and Gentlemen… I’m James, Garry’s best man, I actually feel like I’m on trial today, Garry said if I did a good job I could be the best man at his next wedding..."

good ice breaker and everyone was laughing

its good to then get stuck into it and break it up with one liners

i took about 4 months to write my speech, you're welcome to a copy of it as most of it is jokes and afterwards lots of people came up to me and congratulated me saying it was one of the better ones they'd heard

Edited by sandman02uk, 20 February 2012 - 12:23 PM.

[PaddockLad]

"I prepared a few lines for today......but I snorted them all off the font in the church before you lot turned up"

[Kevin S. Assilleekunt]

Dr Gloom, on 20 February 2012 - 11:37 AM, said:

Kevin S. Assilleekunt, on 20 February 2012 - 11:25 AM, said:

This bloke has picked the wrong man if you're just going to copy and paste from a best-man website. Hope his choice of wife is a bit better, otherwise this isn't going to last 6 months.

i've yet to see a best man speech that hasn't used at least one gag ripped from the internet. you need an ice breaker to warm up the crowd before you get into the embarrasing stories. the trick is picking one that hasn't been over used.

There's the Don Rickles line (probably not his originally): "Your wife is a wonderful woman... what's her name again?"

[Edinburghtoonfan]

Might not work in England.

"I was honored to be asked to be (bobbys) bestman.  His original idea was was to wear kilts for the day to which I said that's cool what's the tartan (said tart in) oh he said I'm sure she's wearing a lovely white wedding dress"

That earned me a couple o slaps from the bride but got a few laughs.

[sandman02uk]

first rule of a best mans speech, dont take the piss out the bride, you're there to take the piss out the best man, I had a whole sketch setup with the waiters and waitresses having keys and I was asking everyone who had a key to his wifes old flat to return them

i decided making the bride look like a slag in front of her family wasn't the best

[Happy Face]

Kevin S. Assilleekunt, on 20 February 2012 - 12:22 PM, said:

Dr Gloom, on 20 February 2012 - 11:37 AM, said:

Kevin S. Assilleekunt, on 20 February 2012 - 11:25 AM, said:

This bloke has picked the wrong man if you're just going to copy and paste from a best-man website. Hope his choice of wife is a bit better, otherwise this isn't going to last 6 months.

i've yet to see a best man speech that hasn't used at least one gag ripped from the internet. you need an ice breaker to warm up the crowd before you get into the embarrasing stories. the trick is picking one that hasn't been over used.

There's the Don Rickles line (probably not his originally): "Your wife is a wonderful woman... what's her name again?"

Take my wife...please!