32 replies to this topic

[sweetleftpeg]

Ah..memories on that other thread. I've seen some quite brilliant best man speeches and also quite twatful. The key is this, if you're going to be twatful and you know it, keep it short.

Toss up for the worst I've seen is between my brother and one of my best mates. My brother is a bit of a natural waffler, started well, got a bit too confident with that, went off script and waffled and went on and fuckin on..

My mate's was so bad it was awesome. He's not a natural public speeker and is also shit with the drink..combine the two and it equalled epic fail. He had cue cards which we stole off him afterwards where he'd inserted 'pause for laughter' at certain points..if only he'd been so lucky. Anyway, his best mans speech about another of my mates turned into a drunken breakdown about how his fiance had left him. He laughs about it now.

[Dr Gloom]

Happy Face, on 20 February 2012 - 12:48 PM, said:

Take my wife...please!

I take my wife everywhere but she finds her way home

[Dr Gloom]

I said, where do you wanna go for your anniversery? She said, I wanna go somewhere I've never been. I said, try the kitchen. Dr. Wellsler is here, wonderful doctor, gave a guy 6 months to live. Couldn't pay his bill, gave him another 6 months. I love this crowd."

[Dr Gloom]

i've seen people use props before. could be funny. could be a massive fail.

one mates of mine used laugh and applause cards to queue the audience response. went down reasonably well.

i was thinking of a drum and cymble kit to hit after each gag.

[sweetleftpeg]

Someone said on the previous thread to hold a rubber chicken in one hand throughout the speech, but never acknowledge or make reference to it.

[Christmas Tree]

And oldie but good one is to get about 40 blanks front door keys and hand them out to 39 women before the speech.

During the speech make reference to "Bob" having an eye for the ladies until he decided to settle down and by any chance if there are any ex girlfriends in the room with a key to Bobs, could they give it back now. 39 women then descend on the top table dropping keys off. Just as they are returning to their seats, get one game lad to mince up and drop the last key off saying something like "I'll always luv ya Bobbyyyyyy!" ideally wiping away tears with a hanky.

Arranged this for another mates wedding and it brought the house down.

[Kevin S. Assilleekunt]

I think I was at that wedding. Is that the one where you ended the speech with an acapella rendition of 'Careless Whisper'?

[trophyshy]

I've done this 3 times and have another 2 looming on the horizon.  All this means is I'm the least feckless of my circle of mates.  They know I'll actually put a bit of work into it.

Worse, this year I have been asked to do a blessing at a mates wedding.  Fucking speechless, literally, about that one.  Got some good ideas for my costume though.

That website is good, http://www.thebestma...ch.com/  helped me a lot with the last one who I'd not known that long and he's squeaky clean so not much material to work with.  I managed to infer he'd bummed a donkey which went down well.

[StevenL]

My mate was picking a best man and I was 1 of 3 possible options, didn't get it. That's the closest I've been. I'm an usher instead.

Told my mam that my brother wasn't going to be my best man and she wasn't happy like. I get on with him, he's just not one of my best friends.

[Ayatollah Hermione]

Play it entirely straight, talk about the sanctity of the marriage institution with stone-faced steel and grit. Maybe have an organ ominously hold a Gm throughout it.

[Meenzer]

Ayatollah Hermione, on 20 February 2012 - 10:41 PM, said:

Play it entirely straight, talk about the sanctity of the marriage institution with stone-faced steel and grit. Maybe have an organ ominously hold a Gm throughout it.

I really wish I'd thought of that.

[Kitman]

Ayatollah Hermione, on 20 February 2012 - 10:41 PM, said:

Play it entirely straight, talk about the sanctity of the marriage institution with stone-faced steel and grit. Maybe have an organ ominously hold a Gm throughout it.

Ideally delivered in the style of Fraser from Dads Army, with long quotes from obscure passages of the Old Testament......

Edited by Kitman, 21 February 2012 - 02:19 AM.

[spongebob toonpants]

I've been specifically asked not to mention Diedre Birchwood - so I won't \terrycollier