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Jesus Christ. I had some spinich and chorizo lasagne at a family do and my arse has not been the same since. I pebble-dashed my aunties bog, then did worse again at home and even worse at work this morning.
Spinich and Chorizo - it's not arse friendly.
1
Rancid turdsReincarnated
Started by
Smooth Operator
, Mar 27 2006 10:21 AM
#1
Posted 27 March 2006 - 10:21 AM
Smooth Operator
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- 5,488 posts
Team Captain
You used to get it in your fishnets,
Now you only get it in your nightdress,
Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness,
Landed in a very common crisis.
Now you only get it in your nightdress,
Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness,
Landed in a very common crisis.
#2
Posted 27 March 2006 - 10:22 AM
Rob W
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- 8,351 posts
Club Captain
You know I thought I'd missed him..................................
"I only drink champagne - anything else muddies the complexion" - Miss Piggy
#3
Guest_alex_*
Posted 27 March 2006 - 10:24 AM
Guest_alex_*
Guest_alex_*
Spinach and Chorizo Lasagne? Wait until Wacky reads this 
#4
Posted 27 March 2006 - 10:24 AM
Ted Maul
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- 1,786 posts
User Posted Image
Had a kebab on Saturday night that has decided to play war with my stomach. I spent most of yesterday with my head in the toilet, today my arse has been glued to it.
Not nice
Not nice
#5
Posted 27 March 2006 - 10:27 AM
Smooth Operator
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Team Captain
David Icke - Son of God, on Mar 27 2006, 10:24 AM, said:
Had a kebab on Saturday night that has decided to play war with my stomach. I spent most of yesterday with my head in the toilet, today my arse has been glued to it.
Not nice
Not nice
I've never ever had a kebab, even from 13 - 17 when I went to the Bigg Market on a Friday night I never was tempted by them.
You used to get it in your fishnets,
Now you only get it in your nightdress,
Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness,
Landed in a very common crisis.
Now you only get it in your nightdress,
Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness,
Landed in a very common crisis.
#6
Posted 27 March 2006 - 10:28 AM
Gemmill
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- 32,127 posts
Legend
Had a few doners in my teenage years but I haven't had one in a decade I reckon. Filthy things! Chicken kebabs on the other hand.....
Gator's bitches better be using jimmies!
#7
Posted 27 March 2006 - 10:30 AM
Ted Maul
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User Posted Image
Smooth Operator, on Mar 27 2006, 10:27 AM, said:
David Icke - Son of God, on Mar 27 2006, 10:24 AM, said:
Had a kebab on Saturday night that has decided to play war with my stomach. I spent most of yesterday with my head in the toilet, today my arse has been glued to it.
Not nice
Not nice
I've never ever had a kebab, even from 13 - 17 when I went to the Bigg Market on a Friday night I never was tempted by them.
I've lived off them for the past year or so but this latest episode has put me off them for good.
#8
Posted 27 March 2006 - 11:10 AM
manc-mag
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- 16,764 posts
forum kettling
haha Spinach and Chorizo!
Parss the facking salt and pepper, Rupert!
Parss the facking salt and pepper, Rupert!
forum kettling
#9
Guest_alex_*
Posted 27 March 2006 - 11:19 AM
Guest_alex_*
Guest_alex_*
manc-mag, on Mar 27 2006, 12:10 PM, said:
haha Spinach and Chorizo!
Parss the facking salt and pepper, Rupert!
Parss the facking salt and pepper, Rupert!
Was in Jesmond Tesco the other week, fuck me, that place is full of wankers (yes Geordiefish, that's student I'm referring to 
). Anyway, this one proper yah lass was talking about double the necessary volume on her mobile when she turned around and said to her mate "Facking hell! They've ran out of polenta!" FFS!
#10
Posted 27 March 2006 - 11:24 AM
Gemmill
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- 32,127 posts
Legend
alex, on Mar 27 2006, 11:19 AM, said:
manc-mag, on Mar 27 2006, 12:10 PM, said:
haha Spinach and Chorizo!
Parss the facking salt and pepper, Rupert!
Parss the facking salt and pepper, Rupert!
Was in Jesmond Tesco the other week, fuck me, that place is full of wankers (yes Geordiefish, that's student I'm referring to ). Anyway, this one proper yah lass was talking about double the necessary volume on her mobile when she turned around and said to her mate "Facking hell! They've ran out of polenta!" FFS!
I used to have to shop in there when I lived in Jesmoooond (frightfully porsh) a few years back, and it's horrendous. Full of knobbers in rugby shirts with floppy hair blocking up the aisles while they chat with one another, or lasses giving air kisses and hugs to someone that they were probably sat in a lecture with earlier on in the day. The JRA should do something about it!
Gator's bitches better be using jimmies!
#11
Posted 27 March 2006 - 12:44 PM
Craig
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- 21,330 posts
No longer in charge
Some sick bastard at work has tried to re-inact that dambusters raid - there was shit all up the rim of the bog and water everywhere!
And half a fucking bog roll used! If you need that much paper to clean your arse either your Mam never showed you how to be clean or you've got a serious fucking problem!
And half a fucking bog roll used! If you need that much paper to clean your arse either your Mam never showed you how to be clean or you've got a serious fucking problem!
Change is inevitable, unless you're dealing with a vending machine.
#12
Posted 27 March 2006 - 12:53 PM
Smooth Operator
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Team Captain
manc-mag, on Mar 27 2006, 11:10 AM, said:
haha Spinach and Chorizo!
Parss the facking salt and pepper, Rupert!
Parss the facking salt and pepper, Rupert!
As Wacky will confirm I was born into a silver spoon family, I lived in the upper class suburb of Gosforth during my childhood and was only fed the finest cuisine.
However, these days I am the black sheep of the family, I am the only one with a Geordie accent and if my family knew I was associating with the likes of Byker Wall's finest (Wacky) they'd be well pissed orf!
You used to get it in your fishnets,
Now you only get it in your nightdress,
Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness,
Landed in a very common crisis.
Now you only get it in your nightdress,
Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness,
Landed in a very common crisis.
#13
Posted 27 March 2006 - 01:25 PM
Lazarus
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- 6,664 posts
Partridge Protector
my recent enamel inspections were quite spectacular
had to have a shower afterwards
had to have a shower afterwards
#14
Posted 27 March 2006 - 02:23 PM
Brock Manson
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- 11,568 posts
Besticles
Had some dodgy chicken the first night in Germany, was like a bloody tap out me arse for all of 5 mins 
Some people feel content pouring syrup on shit and calling it pancakes their whole lives.
#15
Posted 27 March 2006 - 02:30 PM
Jusoda Kid
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Manager
Smooth Operator, on Mar 27 2006, 12:53 PM, said:
manc-mag, on Mar 27 2006, 11:10 AM, said:
haha Spinach and Chorizo!
Parss the facking salt and pepper, Rupert!
Parss the facking salt and pepper, Rupert!
As Wacky will confirm I was born into a silver spoon family, I lived in the upper class suburb of Gosforth during my childhood and was only fed the finest cuisine.
However, these days I am the black sheep of the family, I am the only one with a Geordie accent and if my family knew I was associating with the likes of Byker Wall's finest (Wacky) they'd be well pissed orf!
Eventually found your level in life tbh after years of denial
Speaking of turds, mine have resembled a crimson coloured natural sponge of late, not good.
Ever since I was a young boy I played the silver ball
#17
Posted 03 April 2006 - 06:46 PM
Brock Manson
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Besticles
Not rancid as such but I just did a perfectly spherical turd
Some people feel content pouring syrup on shit and calling it pancakes their whole lives.
#18
Posted 03 April 2006 - 06:48 PM
Holden McGroin
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- 6,890 posts
Legend
Brock Manson, on Apr 3 2006, 07:46 PM, said:
Not rancid as such but I just did a perfectly spherical turd
Tell your bird about it??
Pardew on Carroll (Dec 10) : "The number nine shirt here is legendary and he has shown the fans that he is big enough and good enough to wear it. It will be a massive, massive blow if he left so it's very important that he stays. Derek assured me that he will."
Pardew speaking about Liverpool deal with Enrique (Apr 13): There’s definitely no deal between the clubs – 100%”
Padrew speaking after losing Enrique to Liverpool (Aug 12): "We will get a striker and left-back over the line, 100%"
Pardew speaking about Liverpool deal with Enrique (Apr 13): There’s definitely no deal between the clubs – 100%”
Padrew speaking after losing Enrique to Liverpool (Aug 12): "We will get a striker and left-back over the line, 100%"
#19
Posted 03 April 2006 - 06:49 PM
Brock Manson
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Besticles
Holden McGroin, on Apr 3 2006, 06:48 PM, said:
Brock Manson, on Apr 3 2006, 07:46 PM, said:
Not rancid as such but I just did a perfectly spherical turd
Tell your bird about it??
Some people feel content pouring syrup on shit and calling it pancakes their whole lives.
#20
Posted 03 April 2006 - 08:32 PM
k4t0
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- 401 posts
Reserve Team
Last weekend me mate come round and we decided to have a takeaway before hitting the pub and town centre.
Anyway, I went for the jumbo fried rice....bad mistake.
went out and got well and truly smashed till 7 am and collapsed on my bed.
11 am I was woken up by pains in my stomach, ffuck me did it hurt. I realised that a high pressure sudden release type shite was imminent and as i ran to the shitter I felt somethi9ng trickle down my leg....
I whupped me duds off and landed on the pot at exactly the right moment, me arsehole exploded, and I dont mean i had a shit, i really think me arsehole explded, the noise was fucking terrifying and the shit was like dead rat chunks in gravy, nicely watered down.
I realised it was a bad un because when it was over i leaned forward to take a second and realised my arse had dribbled watery shite down my leg as I ran.
So I gave meself a minute, wiped me arse, and what felt like halfway up me back before getting up slowly and turning to view the masterpiece.
No Joke, the shit had gone up the wall to the left of the shitter and was running down.
I thought fuck it and went back to bed.
I went for a piss later that night and when I lifted the lid realised that the underneath of it was covered in watery shite with the odd chunk added in for texture, the wall had a few nice lines running down it that i had to wipe off.
to this day I cant remember a shite as nasty in my life, everytime my farts get hot I get the fear, and the toilet whimpers as I walk in.
Anyway, I went for the jumbo fried rice....bad mistake.
went out and got well and truly smashed till 7 am and collapsed on my bed.
11 am I was woken up by pains in my stomach, ffuck me did it hurt. I realised that a high pressure sudden release type shite was imminent and as i ran to the shitter I felt somethi9ng trickle down my leg....
I whupped me duds off and landed on the pot at exactly the right moment, me arsehole exploded, and I dont mean i had a shit, i really think me arsehole explded, the noise was fucking terrifying and the shit was like dead rat chunks in gravy, nicely watered down.
I realised it was a bad un because when it was over i leaned forward to take a second and realised my arse had dribbled watery shite down my leg as I ran.
So I gave meself a minute, wiped me arse, and what felt like halfway up me back before getting up slowly and turning to view the masterpiece.
No Joke, the shit had gone up the wall to the left of the shitter and was running down.
I thought fuck it and went back to bed.
I went for a piss later that night and when I lifted the lid realised that the underneath of it was covered in watery shite with the odd chunk added in for texture, the wall had a few nice lines running down it that i had to wipe off.
to this day I cant remember a shite as nasty in my life, everytime my farts get hot I get the fear, and the toilet whimpers as I walk in.
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