58 replies to this topic

[Jonny2J]

catmag, on Apr 3 2006, 09:15 PM, said:

A few years ago when I worked on the wards I was looking after a patient who was having serious problems going to the loo.  He was a double-amputee so when he wanted a shit we used to have to help him onto a bedpan, leave him for a bit and then go back when he'd finished.  Anyway, this one day he'd asked for a bedpan, so two of us went in, helped him to get onto it in bed and then left him to do what he had to do - although we weren't that convinced as he'd not opened his bowels for what seemed like weeks.  Not too long after we heard him shouting "Nurse, NURSE!!  QUICK!!"  Fearing he'd lost his balance, toppled off the pan and hurtled head first onto the floor, we flew back behind the curtains to hear him shouting "I need another bedpan!"  I swear to God - I have NEVER seen a shit like it in my life.  The bedpan was full and it was completely solid like a litre tub of chocolate ice-cream.  We duly provided a second bed pan which he filled and then declared "Phew - that's better!"

Ah your job satisfaction must be brillant  

[Brock Manson]

Remember once me best mate was staying round for the night and he needed to go real bad, unfortunately he didn't make it in time and so he was running along like Charlie Chaplain  

[Craig]

catmag, on Apr 3 2006, 10:15 PM, said:

A few years ago when I worked on the wards I was looking after a patient who was having serious problems going to the loo.  He was a double-amputee so when he wanted a shit we used to have to help him onto a bedpan, leave him for a bit and then go back when he'd finished.  Anyway, this one day he'd asked for a bedpan, so two of us went in, helped him to get onto it in bed and then left him to do what he had to do - although we weren't that convinced as he'd not opened his bowels for what seemed like weeks.  Not too long after we heard him shouting "Nurse, NURSE!!  QUICK!!"  Fearing he'd lost his balance, toppled off the pan and hurtled head first onto the floor, we flew back behind the curtains to hear him shouting "I need another bedpan!"  I swear to God - I have NEVER seen a shit like it in my life.  The bedpan was full and it was completely solid like a litre tub of chocolate ice-cream.  We duly provided a second bed pan which he filled and then declared "Phew - that's better!"

Fuck me, he must have lost more weight than Jimbo in one sitting!!

[Jonny2J]

Brock Manson, on Apr 3 2006, 09:19 PM, said:

Remember once me best mate was staying round for the night and he needed to go real bad, unfortunately he didn't make it in time and so he was running along like Charlie Chaplain 

[Jimbo]

Craig, on Apr 3 2006, 09:22 PM, said:

catmag, on Apr 3 2006, 10:15 PM, said:

A few years ago when I worked on the wards I was looking after a patient who was having serious problems going to the loo.  He was a double-amputee so when he wanted a shit we used to have to help him onto a bedpan, leave him for a bit and then go back when he'd finished.  Anyway, this one day he'd asked for a bedpan, so two of us went in, helped him to get onto it in bed and then left him to do what he had to do - although we weren't that convinced as he'd not opened his bowels for what seemed like weeks.  Not too long after we heard him shouting "Nurse, NURSE!!  QUICK!!"  Fearing he'd lost his balance, toppled off the pan and hurtled head first onto the floor, we flew back behind the curtains to hear him shouting "I need another bedpan!"  I swear to God - I have NEVER seen a shit like it in my life.  The bedpan was full and it was completely solid like a litre tub of chocolate ice-cream.  We duly provided a second bed pan which he filled and then declared "Phew - that's better!"

Fuck me, he must have lost more weight than Jimbo in one sitting!!

Trust me, when I "let loose" its like a scene of a crashed milkfloat !

[Craig]

I doubt even you'd fill two bed pans though.... (and compacted turds at that!)

[peasepud]

still say that nothing beats eating a kilo of live culture yoghurt, 2 hours later and its a guaranteed collonic irrigation, black treacly shit for hours on end.

[Jimbo]

Craig, on Apr 3 2006, 09:28 PM, said:

I doubt even you'd fill two bed pans though.... (and compacted turds at that!)

Maybe if I waited 20 minutes between wanks.....

[Jonny2J]

Ah after a night out when i've had me usual consignment of Guiness you don't half get the blackest shits ever the next day, sometimes with a nice white head on the top  

[Craig]

Jimbo, on Apr 3 2006, 10:30 PM, said:

Craig, on Apr 3 2006, 09:28 PM, said:

I doubt even you'd fill two bed pans though.... (and compacted turds at that!)

Maybe if I waited 20 minutes between wanks.....

[k4t0]

peasepud, on Apr 3 2006, 09:29 PM, said:

still say that nothing beats eating a kilo of live culture yoghurt, 2 hours later and its a guaranteed collonic irrigation, black treacly shit for hours on end.

im gonna try that on friday with a jumbo fried rice and bottle of whisky


ill post the results when I come back out of a shit induced coma

[Brock Manson]

k4t0, on Apr 3 2006, 09:37 PM, said:

peasepud, on Apr 3 2006, 09:29 PM, said:

still say that nothing beats eating a kilo of live culture yoghurt, 2 hours later and its a guaranteed collonic irrigation, black treacly shit for hours on end.

im gonna try that on friday with a jumbo fried rice and bottle of whisky


ill post the results when I come back out of a shit induced coma

You'll turn yourself inside out    

[k4t0]

we'll see what happens, i might want to pack me jim jams with charmin like

[Lazarus]

k4t0, on Apr 3 2006, 11:03 PM, said:

we'll see what happens, i might want to pack me jim jams with charmin like

go buy a chicken and leave on the kitchen bench to 'mature' til friday


then tuck in

[WubbleUC]

alex, on Apr 4 2006, 09:47 AM, said:

Nice to see this thread bobbing back up to the surafce.

The sign of a healthy lump of thread.

[Brock Manson]

Was round me mates today, and went to the bog for a piss...opened the lid and there was a sodding floater amidst a sea of yellow water.  

[Dr Kenneth Noisewater]

alex, on Apr 4 2006, 09:47 AM, said:

Nice to see this thread bobbing back up to the surafce.

Might have to use the loo brush to break its back tbh.

[k4t0]

just grab the emergency shit mash stick, no house is a safe haven without one