139 replies to this topic

[Brock Manson]

Double streams are a bastid. Amusing though. I remember once it happened to me and both went wide of the mark.  

[Dr Kenneth Noisewater]

Jimbo, on Apr 3 2006, 10:10 PM, said:

Brock Manson, on Apr 3 2006, 06:47 PM, said:

Sometimes the foreskin is pointing one way without your realising it and suddenly you're pissing in the bog brush holder 

Dude, you sound in severe need of a circumcision ! have you got a foreskin like a shirtsleeve or something ?

Personally, mine is a finely tuned instrument that has the aim of a Russian sniper.

Wizard's sleeve tbh.

[Craig]

The only time I ever sit down to take a piss is when I'm that wrecked I'm convinced my aim is gonna be shite.

That being said, from time to time I have pissed on the seat and the floor but bog roll is there for a reason man, fucking wipe it up and don't be a skanky bastard.

When I was living in a student house my housemates were a fucking nightmare, if it wasn't the floor that was being pissed on it was the rim itself and no fucker except me would clean it - you had congealed urine festering on the porcelain!

What was worse was one bloke who was moulting in his nether regions and you always knew when you'd followed him into the bog as his 'pube army' was marching around the rim!

They also couldn't understand why I chucked the bog brush out 4 times in that year - 1. they cost less than £2 from Tesco, 2. they'd turned fucking browny yellow with all the shit and piss that they'd left in there.

There's nowt gay about keeping a bog and the surrounding area clean - it's hygiene man!

Oh and Brock, I dunno what weird sort of shit you've been up to with your knob kidda, but I'd be getting myself booked in for a circumcision if I was you....that's not normal!

[Dr Kenneth Noisewater]

Craig, on Apr 3 2006, 10:54 PM, said:

When I was living in a student house my housemates were a fucking nightmare, if it wasn't the floor that was being pissed on it was the rim itself and no fucker except me would clean it - you had congealed urine festering on the porcelain!

What was worse was one bloke who was moulting in his nether regions and you always knew when you'd followed him into the bog as his 'pube army' was marching around the rim!

We had a fat bastard sharing our house in first year. He used to rub one of those Sure Stick deodorants up his sweaty arse-crack.

Used to leave a white stripe up the back of the toilet seat when he'd had a sit down brown.  

[Craig]

Talking about 'sit down browns' I dunno what angle one of the blokes in our house used to sit at but he managed to 'pepper' (quite literally) his shit right up underneath the rim - so much so it was welded to the porcelain!

Someone fucking explain how that is gravitationally possible cos I'm fucked if I know!

[Renton]

Hmmmm, I'm trying to think of some piss accident anecdotes but I've no chance of trumping any of the stories so far.  

However, I can beat Craig's story about his skanky student friends. I once shared a house with a medical student who was pathologically lazy. So much so in fact that often he couldn't be arsed to go to the toilet upstairs for a piss. So what he did was, he pissed in empty milk bottles and threw them out the window into the back garden. As you can imagine, our house was a real hit with all the lady students.  

The worst bit was when we were moving out I had to show the people moving in after us around the house. It was pretty difficult explaining why there were two dozen milk bottles half filled with urine scattered around the back garden lawn.  

He also had a penchant for sleep-pissing, and destroyed the lounge curtains in no time. Oh happy days.

[sammynb]

Obviously no-one in this thread has a prince albert peircing.

[Dr Kenneth Noisewater]

Renton, on Apr 4 2006, 12:46 AM, said:

Hmmmm, I'm trying to think of some piss accident anecdotes but I've no chance of trumping any of the stories so far. 

However, I can beat Craig's story about his skanky student friends. I once shared a house with a medical student who was pathologically lazy. So much so in fact that often he couldn't be arsed to go to the toilet upstairs for a piss. So what he did was, he pissed in empty milk bottles and threw them out the window into the back garden. As you can imagine, our house was a real hit with all the lady students. 

The worst bit was when we were moving out I had to show the people moving in after us around the house. It was pretty difficult explaining why there were two dozen milk bottles half filled with urine scattered around the back garden lawn. 

He also had a penchant for sleep-pissing, and destroyed the lounge curtains in no time. Oh happy days.

Another story has just come to mind.

Where I work we occasionally go out on home visits, doing eye tests for the house-bound. We turned up at one old fellas place in South Bank, Middlesbrough.

He was clearly living in just the one room, slumped on his chair, blankets by the side of him, tv on full blast, pile of empty fag packets and rum bottles next to him. (You quickly learn to breath only through your mouth in these sort of places).

So we start testing his vision, have a bit of banter about the football, then the guy I was with had to move in a bit closer for a check on his eyes. At this point we notice a large Lenor bottle by his feet. So the lad said "Do you mind if I just move this?" to which the old boy replies "Aye, don't mind that son, thats just me piss bottle"

The look on his face as he picked it up was a picture  

[JawD]

Have to hold my hand up here then.  I've managed before to miss the bog while sitting doon (having a piss).

Oh aye its possible like  

Woke up with a pisshorn, realised Id have to sit down to piss (or jet oot the window), pushed now slightly deflated down into the bowl and after some encouragement and further deflation, started to piss.

The stream was still angled to far up and hit the underside of the bog seat coming out the other side dribbling down onto my boxers.

Left the bathroom naked and chucked boxers into the wash trying to convince wor lass what had just happened.  Think she thought Id either pissed myself or had been for a wank  

This said, biggest prob I have is splash back from awful designed urinals.  Maybe I shouldnt wait until the last minute like.  Pressure ye kna.

Reminded me of a cartoon I seen once with someones splash soaking two blokes either side.  I tried to see if I could see this on the net and could only find this:

What its supposed to do Ive seriously got no idea.

Anti Piss Splash Guard

[Howaythetoon]

I hate sitting down on the bog, always get my bellend wet.

I guess for you fannies though, you have no turtle head dunking issues.

[Renton]

alex, on Apr 4 2006, 01:47 PM, said:

I thought a turtle head was a euphemism for something else tbh.

The tip of a poo poking its head out? Aye, it is.

[Happy Face]

alex, on Apr 4 2006, 02:47 PM, said:

I thought a turtle head was a euphemism for something else tbh.

1 bald man
1 tub of vaseline
1 butchers bin

I've seen that video too

no?

[Jusoda Kid]

Tip for the ladies.

If your other half keeps pissing alll over the floor and seat just do what SMO's bird done, make him get a bag fitted, and he reckons he's not under the thumb

[Howaythetoon]

alex, on Apr 4 2006, 01:47 PM, said:

I thought a turtle head was a euphemism for something else tbh.

Droopy Bellend?

Or Poop-the-loop?

Can be used for both.

If only turtles knew us mean Humans talked about them in this way...

Edited by Howaythetoon, 04 April 2006 - 02:43 PM.

[Craig]

The things some people will do.....

http://www.zeroartra.../piss_diver.wmv

[peasepud]

alex, on Apr 4 2006, 02:47 PM, said:

Howaythetoon, on Apr 4 2006, 03:43 PM, said:

alex, on Apr 4 2006, 01:47 PM, said:

I thought a turtle head was a euphemism for something else tbh.

Droopy Bellend?

Or Poop-the-loop?

Can be used for both.

If only turtles knew us mean Humans talked about them in this way...

I've only ever heard it used for a shit popping out.

hes done a survey of 100 random hims in his mirror and 98% agreed that it could be used as a euphanism for a droopy nob.

[Smooth Operator]

Happy Face, on Apr 3 2006, 07:07 PM, said:

I've laughed more at this than 'Bizarre'.

'Foreskin pointing the wrong way'    

When you're as tall as me the target is a lot smaller. 

Wacky can just rest his over the ledge, with the aid of a stool.

He's still on the potty tbh, it's pointless taking any chances.