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Where am I going to whip out my wotsit, now?

Metro Radio (in a few hours). End of an era/error #gettothosephones

*Record scratches, the video pauses* "It was at this moment Matt realised that everything he taught himself at Google University was for naught. The pandemic was real, the vaccine saved lives and maybe, just maybe he doesn't have a microchip in his bloodstream"

Maintaining heft means struggling to lose weight where I come from like.

Le Tissier......

JFK coming back just in time for his 107th birthday, presumably to get Cruyff out of the witness protection program

Princess Diana went back to the future when she hit 88mph or some shit

Do any pubs in town show non televised matches on dodgy boxes these days? Or have the all been shut down?

Ms Squelch tonight after reading that bitchy comment.

I once had the pleasure of reading a letter she wrote to the PM when she was Foreign Sec. It was full of phrases like ‘maintaining our heft’. I’m sure that PPE course at Oxford teaches them to come out with that shite. Much like that weird way of talking Renton alludes to. It’s like a Tory politicians by numbers course. Whoever the fuck runs it wants shot to shit.

We went to Xcaret theme park. Prices were fucking mental but the swimming in the cenotes was class

Tempted to read the book for the humour factor tbh. She's a real life Partridge..

She's just a global embarrassment. No one sane in her party wants anything to do with her, she bores the fuck out of the yanks. She's uniquely ill equipped for what she's actually trying to do. I guess we just all enjoy the endless tailspin.

I've just seen the Chelsea penalty spat - it wasn't quite Bowyer/Dyer but it was quite nasty - I'm surprised the ref didn't at least dish out some yellows.

Very smooth.

She reckons the dog had fleas. So that bit is real, but someone did a version where it was Johnson and Carrie that had fleas.

So was the one about Johnson and his lass having fleas and infesting Downing St a parody or not?

Hey, leave @Kevin Carr's Gloves and his brothers alone.

Think that might be a spoof actually but she's so batshit who can tell any more?

Thats leaves our midfield back to bare bones. Big Joe is back on training pitch kicking footballs again now. Hopefully he can feature towards end of season.

Willock is out for the rest of the season. They want to rest his achilles. Makes sense tbf, he keeps breaking down every time he comes back.

So she shit herself and didn't realise whilst sober?!