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I blame her husband , Sochal Distan Singh.

“And now, live from the crypt, is Prince Phillip with ten minutes of jokes about the Orientals”

I wonder if Phil the Greek will put in an appearance?

It’s so spectacularly badly written, and scary that he really puts things like press in quotation marks. There is surely something wrong with him, he doesn’t even seem to realize that he WAS impeached but just subsequently acquitted by his mates. I honestly can’t listen to him talk anymore, he’s such a fucking moron but a moron that has an arrogance like no one else in the world. I hope they really do get him on something one day, at this point I’m convinced he deserves jail time for his handling of all of this, saying New York moved slow yet he was the one telling everyone to stop complaining as the 15 cases in the US would become 0 a few days later. Fucking bitch.

I was absolutely convinced this story was gonna end with him dying of corona. What a fucking twist!

"Yi came round on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday? Mala, your a canny kid but yi nee Craig David, wor kid. Lol. Laters"

Has to be worthy of a weeks suspension, that

I’d never been as proud to see six Irishmen take to the field.

They spent hundreds of millions to get wrestling shows, I think they’re just happy when a news story doesn’t involve them dissolving a journalist in a barrel of acid.

It wasn’t that hard tbh

Tommy Lee, erstwhile drummer with Uber poodle rock practitioners Motley Crue and world class sex tape shagger, has shared this essay about the respect and deep affection the nation has for their President: I think this screed has been updated to reflect more recent Trumpfuckwittery. Note: This was written by Craig Alan Wilkins and shared into popularity by Tommy Lee. "An Open Letter to the president"....... A re-tweet from Mötley Crüe drummer, Tommy Lee, who soooooo wins the literary scribe of the day award........🤘🏽🤩🥳🤩🤘🏽 : "Dear Fucking Lunatic, At your recent press conference - more a word salad that had a stroke and fell down stairs, you were CLEARLY so out of your depth you needed scuba gear. Within minutes of going off air, your minions were backpedaling faster than Cirque De Soliel acrobats... In India a week ago, i couldn’t get past the bit about your being the most popular visitor in the history of fucking India — a country of a BILLION human souls that’s only 3000 years old, give or take.!!! Trust me - Gandhi pulled CROWDS.. You pulled a cricket stadium and half WALKED out... Do you know how fucking insane you sound, you off-brand butt plug? That's like the geopolitical equivalent of “that stripper really likes me” — only 10,000 times crazier and less self-aware. You are fucking exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in determining how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own assholes with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet of your Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to scream! We are fucking tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be when Putin got you elected, it’s been inestimably worse. You called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state “short and fat.” How the fuck does that help? You accused a woman — a former friend, no less — of showing up at your resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU — the guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably brought to life by Frosty’s magic hat — yes, you of all people said that. You attempted — with evident fucking glee — to get 24 million people thrown off their health insurance. You gave billions away to corporations and the already wealthy while simultaneously telling struggling poor people that you were doing exactly the opposite. You endorsed a pedophile, praised brutal dictators, and defended LITERAL FUCKING NAZIS! Ninety-nine percent of everything you say is either false, crazy, incoherent, just plain cruel, or a rancid paella of all four. Oh, by the way, Puerto Rico is still FUBAR. You got yourself and your family billions in tax breaks for Christmas. What do they get? More paper towels? Enough, enough, enough, enough! For the love of God and all that is holy, good, and pure, would you please, finally and forever, shut your feculent KFC-hole until you have something valuable — or even marginally civil — to say? You are a fried dick sandwich with a side of schlongs. If chlamydia and gonorrhea had a son, you’d appoint him HHS secretary. You are a disgraceful, pustulant hot stew full of casuistry, godawful ideas, unintelligible non sequiturs, and malignant rage. You are the perfect circus orangutan diaper from Plato’s World of Forms. So fuck you Mr. President. And fuck you forever. Oh, and Pence, you oleaginous house ferret. Fuck you, too. You'll be as useful as a chocolate teapot against a medical crisis you Bible thumping cock socket."

“There’s only TWO Peter Withe’s/Whites*...Two Peter Whi...” etc etc * Delete as applicable

Time to sacrifice the Roomba for parts. It's what he would've wanted.

Oh what a night! Late one evening back in '70 What a special time for essembee What a derby, what a night.

Bill, withers.

“FULWELL 73” they’re called. They seem to be doing well for themselves but have also released a documentary about Bros and are partnered up with James Corden

If this doesn’t cheer you up @PaddockLad, nothing will.… NSFW, obvs.

Well I applauded with the kids and my lass (who’s a nurse) but I thought it was bullshit last week and said as much (and still do). It’s a gesture copied off other countries (where shit had hit the fan) before it happened here. I admit I’m a cynical cunt like and I also concede there’s lots of people who are sincere about but you can guarantee a lot of the most enthusiastic think the tories are too left wing and are still wearing dog-eared poppies.

PL walking down his street shouting, 'here, man! Am I not fucking entertained, here you southern Tory cum slops.'....before putting number one wet fart son to the sword.......

It’s not Sol Campbell

They’ve got a relative who loves karaoke - Gurupta Singh

FULWELL70 is smb’s Production company iirc

First the bat sarnies. Now this!

I know, I know, I know, I know.

Renton's on a good day again.

+1 Fake news. That's her cousin. Her husband is the famous half Indian, half Geordie submariner, Gandeep......Gandeep Undawatta.

Alreet Parky lad!

Made by the same bellends that made the Maradona documentary where they altered him talking about nearly joining Sheffield United to say it was Sunderland iirc? The fact that they are willing to be that unprofessional, yet the club they love still come out of this looking like a bunch of incompetent tits shows how bad it must really be.

I didn’t even notice until he mentioned it

I like how the likelihood of a takeover is so low, the conversation has turned to World Cup 94 qualification

Google search. “Peter White. Newcastle “

Yeah, well we didn't concede to San Marino in the last 89 minutes and 50 seconds of any game.

Taylor was vilified by a horrendous English sporting press in much the same way as Robson before him. I do feel he played it ultra safe at times and I do think he was found out at that level. Preferring grafters in central midfield etc. But he seemed like a nice fella and the treatment he got was fucking disgusting tbh. He was still unlucky not to qualify in a tough group back when it was a lot harder to get to a World Cup. If he’d been able to play Shearer more he might’ve gotten to the finals

Aye I seen that on twitter and was going to comment but it's pointless sometimes arguing with those who are fucking clueless. As is the way with the international team, especially back in those days, was the established players stayed in way past their sell by date or players at clubs where the likes of Brian Woolnough etc would watch regularly. 94 probably would've come too soon for our players, not on talent but on getting recognition from pundits and journalists who would've had a lot of influence towards a managers selection despite that the manager's deny it. Rob Lee, Beardsley, Cole should've been certainties to be in the squad. If not for injury I'd even suggest Sellers being looked at. Howey should've been fast tracked and Beresford was unlucky in that the rest of football was still coming to terms with winger full backs IMO.

The fuckin Uber Tory bitch across the road who has blanked every neighbourly gesture in the last 3 years can go fuck herself with her self appointed leader-style pot & pan combo alongside her wet fart/strawboater wearing fuckin drip of a son Looks like Gerry the recruitment consultant who's job has disappeared in the last month has done the same to his missus Liz... she was present for last week's hypocrite-fest but conspicuous by her absence tonight Everyone else in the street is a cunt too..as you can all tell am fuckin pissing lock down, it's making me really happy

Piece of piss tbh.

As an aside, I did see Certified Daft Cunt and Shit Right-Back, DeAndre Yedlin twisting into that people were shouting at him to donate more money. Obviously people didn’t realise he needs the money to conduct photo shoots with his lass in their gaff.

I'm just gonna carry a car battery and some jumper cables.

What happens if you heat a duck in the microwave?

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Stick it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers Edit: RIP

A few I've had before, several I haven't, plus the """G'n'T""" for the hell of it.

Stocked up on Crodino before this all kicked off, and just took delivery of a mixed case of ≤0.5% brews from this place: https://drydrinker.com/product/pick-your-own-mixed-case-12-bottles/ To coin a phrase... that's quite a range

I'm crying That is absolute gold

Aye, all very convenient he’s self-isolating

The idea of an Irish team qualifying for a tournament on the basis of goals scored feels like quite the novelty these days.

Aye, this is worth another look since we've all got a bit of time on our hands. Taylor and his team definitely come across as wallies at times, but the qualification group was properly tough - Norway were in pot 4 and went on to be FIFA-ranked 2nd in the world by the end of 1993 - and the press are absolute lowlifes. Still should have been picking players on form though.

Interesting little lockdown filler for old cunts... https://stusfootballflashbacks.com/2020/04/02/which-players-would-have-made-englands-1994-world-cup-squad/ If you put yourself into the mindset of dear old GT then it’s difficult to argue with any of these tbh...he’d never haven taken Cole or Beardsley though, he’d have taken Ian Wright and Nigel Clough. As the article says Rob Lee would’ve been good cover for Platt. As soon as Venables took over though Venison & Howey were straight in the squad. The only one of our excellent tram who struggled to get in but should’ve been in every squad was Andy Cole I seem to remember?..

OK why is this a thing now?