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The most depressing part is that it still doesn’t feel like he’s at any risk of being sacked.

Young polar bear asks his dad "am I a real polar bear" his dad replies of course you are I'm a polar your a polar bear we are polar bears. The youngster walks away. 10 minutes later the youngsters back again and says am i a real polar bear his dad replies I'm a polar bear your mams a polar your a polar bear we're polar bears. So off he goes again 10 minutes later he's back again with the same question am I a real polar bear. By now his dads getting pissed off he says look son I'm a polar bear your mams a polar bear your grandad & grandma are polar bears so your a polar. So why do you keep asking the same question. The youngster replies because I'm fucking freezing

The local Undertakers hopefully.

Apparently the pitch was too wet this afternoon.

If Bruce had any self-respect, he’d fake a heart attack at full time and resign on sickness grounds

Surely Bruce’s position must come into question If the result remains the same

God bless fanny Portuguese keepers

Hendrick! Never doubted the useless prick!

You shouldn’t need telling ffs

Jenas and Rio Ferdinand on BT Punditry duty is like something you’d only read about in Dante’s Inferno

There's a line between "aye you're right, she's fit" and "fucking hell that was a bit rapey sounding mate, fucks wrong with you?" that really shouldn't be as fine as most blokes seem to perceive it to be.

We’ll be fine,only one team goes down this season

Keeper feigning an injury backfired there mind.

All he needed was an incapacitated goalkeeper to score past.

Hendrick warming up. Time to test whether the power button works on the telly.

Reported

This is where I am now.

They need to fill up 😉

Just been pfizered for the third time in one arm, and influenzaed in the other. Nails.

Normally takes me 5-6 lines, at least, (on top of the booze), but I suppose we all have different tolerances.

I think an important qualifying aspect to this which people leave out is the notion that yeah, many men might be able to make a sexist joke or an objectifying comment and laugh off without feeling the need to go and rape someone, but some other fellas have a far lower threshold. So when we say all men need to police each other's behaviour, it's not because we think all men might be closet rapists - it's because it's the only reliable way to weed out or shut down the ones that are. And for the men who feel put out about that - yeah it sucks that you have to be policed in this way, but surely it's better to have it set up like this than another woman is brutalised at the altar of "lad culture". Men need/have to stop taking this as some kind of attack on them as men, and see it as a collective exercise in protecting women

Luckily for you they don’t check all the registers.

I got cleared to work on Sellafield in 2012, so things were already taking a dive back then.

Ryder's going to break YOUR jaw when he sees you've copied HIS idea for HIS Taylor tribute article tonight.

Made it! Though the weather was, erm, changeable. And that was before the hail...