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Do they charge extra to stay the whole night?

Solar panel for a sex machine.

As Eric Morecambe once classically replied when asked what the pair would have been if not comedians... "Mike and Bernie Winters..."

ANOTHER grey on grey incident. It's becoming a serious problem.

I want Forest to get relegated to allow us to get Anderson back for a fair price. One of the biggest crimes of PSR that we had to sell him and take a player we didn’t need in return.

Sweden beaten by Switzerland. Rock bottom of their WC qualifying group with 1 point after 3 games. Looking like The Rat will get another summer sat around the house next year.

Fucking hell I can't wait for club football to come back

"The last time you saw our next senior, he was charming our screens on the BBC's On The Front Line......but it's a very different front line that he currently finds himself on..." *cue ominous music and a black and white slow motion montage of an old TP lookalike mashing a keyboard..... head in hands..... taking a swig from a whisky bottle.... snarling face* "...his current battlefield...? THE INTERNET!"

This one is pretty easy to spot as a lie as the other non mag passengers didn’t stand and applaud, the train driver didn’t stop the train to come back along the carriages to give the bloke and his daughter the keys to which ever city they were traveling through at the time AND they weren’t instantly upgraded to first class with free champagne.

The Germans having a normal one again, I see

"Shhhminky pinky Saudi club de Newcastle muchos drachma football guru Boutros Boutros-Ghali." "Boutros Boutros-Ghali?" "Si, Boutros Boutros-Ghali. No jokoe." "Finale....Macho Manos di fatimos laddos di Sunderland creativo nuevo clubo en Bilbao. Primero camisetas , Segundo club formo." "Chris Waddle." "Chris Waddle."

Hale and Pace, aka the only comedy duo with two straight men

you don't know how lucky you are. we weren't on danny dyer's deadliest men for nowt.

Lyndon "FUCKING" Dykes makes it 3-1 in injury time

You tell us.

In this weeks edition of the mags tops thread, Stumpy describes a situation constructed in his own fevered imagination where he embarrasses his daughter and everyone else on the train after the England game.

"I'll be in the Percy pre match if you get to town a bit early." @thebrokendoll

He was definitely hammering something.

He’ll be in one of those plushie Scandinavian prisons, playing the latest Xbox games no doubt. All paid for by the British tax payer, somehow #Reform

Ah the one who pretended to be a lass who was also from Norway at the same time? A lot of repression going on in that big weird head of his. Hopefully some realisations were had somewhere down the line

Just watched a trailer with Lake Bell in it and remembered about that fucking nutter that we used to have on here, Lake Bells Tits. Imagine how red pilled that weirdo is these days.

@Toonpack... you need a hand with these two cunts or are you happy to deal with them yourself?

This is great....

Imagine if that tale were true…what exactly would you be expected to say? If I stumbled across two mackems making a holy show of themselves on public transport I’d probably stick my headphones in and leave them to it.

i pissed about with fasting when it was fashionable a few years back - not for me but plenty of people swear by it so if it works for you, why not? i would say the same about keto, atkins and all the other fads out there. long term results come through understanding the basic laws of thermodynamics and implementing eating habits and exercise that you can maintain without hating your life. my diet consists of around 80% home-cooked, whole foods. i don't completely demonise processed foods and i allow myself to eat out and enjoy the odd treat at the weekend. consistency is key. fad diets rarely work long-term.

Either that or living in a commune with (or the basement of) Nick Kielce-Poland.

Welcome to NUFC, Kofi Annan... https://archive.is/At7et

Eric Morcambe died before I was even born, OAH finished when I was one and I gather Ben Elton may have been amusing in the eighties but way before my time. So how about you pop another Werther's Original and just sit back and reminisce about the good old days when you could say paki on TV without being cancelled.

only because they'd struggle to get to a match.

".... And yee can fuck right off anaahl!!!"

Ah Aeris! I remember her well.... "Hi Guys! I'm a lovely looking 19 year girl called Aeris, check me out!" "Olaf! You are going to be late for work! What are you doing up there? It's a good half an hour to get to Stavanger so you better get a move on, boy!" "Dad! Not now! I'll be five minutes, I'm busy! God!"

TP = Tommy Cannon TBD = Bobby Ball

"When pensioners attack" narrated by the girl in the mobility scooter from Watchdog

At this rate, Channel 5's "When Good Seniors Turn Bad" might be the best he can hope for.

As I explained "wouldn't be surprised" is a long way from "Everton are definitely getting relegated x 3" Actually you don't hear much about Everton on here nowadays

I think his agent has emailed this morning.and told him he's been rejected for the next run of "I'm a celebrity" they've gone with Alan Carr's pet Chihuahua/Jack Russel Cross instead. Less inclined to temperamental outbursts/basic diva shit apparently 🤷🏻‍♂️

No-one thought Tonali would leave last year either (well except one person).

It's the international break, lighten the fuck up ffs No one thought Isak would leave at the end of last season....

Let those WITHOUT HAIR not cast the first stone.

I bet that joke went down a treat in the day room.

Scotland go from 0-1 to 2-1 v Greece at Hampden in one of the worst games of football I've watched this century 😃 More news as it happens

For some reason, i can vividly picture Mrs Renton walking in and seeing Renton trying to lick Charlotte’s baps through the telly

I was hoping for more of a Boutros Boutros-Ghali.

Sorry to hear that TP, aneurisms are scary shit. My first proper girlfriend died of one when she was 40, she was in great shape, mother of three young girls, walking home from a charity do and never made it. Keep an eye out for you mate over the next year or so, he’ll be in need of his friends.

I’m on the wegovy and have lost a stone in the last 2 months

TL;DR But, here's where you went wrong.

Maybe Microsoft would notice the non-renewal of an Excel licence.