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Today I was eating at home with my father. We watched the first half of the game together in the living room (where I have a TV with the station to watch football) and, at half-time, we went to eat in the kitchen. I took a little longer than the 15 minute break, so when I returned to the room, we were already losing 1-3. My father, meanwhile, has been left washing the dirty dishes. Good. Well, around the 70th minute, more or less, he went to see how the game was going. He has seen that 1-3 and has gotten a little lost... But no. He came back every 2-3 minutes to see how we were doing and every time he came we scored. In the end, he has left the kitchen half-cleaned and has come to watch the final minutes, just to check Barnes' last arrow. Yes friends. My father is already a Newcastle fan.

I think I'm going to end every sentence with "...& of course the Genocide" from now on. Love the way he drops it in there. "My favourite teams? Newcastle, Mainz, Norrköping, Stenhousemuir & of course the Genocide." "I'll have the lamb jalfrezi, pilau rice, garlic naan & of course the Genocide."

“Mission accomplished agent Shearer, getting yet another chomp from a spreadsheet dude, return to base, this is Luddite red leader, over and out”

"This Exile 1968 character knows too much about our match fixing and is also a threat if he puts his football boots back on. Arrange either a car 'accident' with faulty breaks or get the lad who did Gazza's knee in Walkers to come out of retirement and finally put and end to Exile 1968's football career. We can't let this existential threat linger on for much longer."

Do you mean the Guggenheim in Bilbao marra? More proof of the relationship between the cities marra. Anyway, the moron Skylon has a new "insult" for us amongst his inane lies. Newcamel. I mean, if he's really clever he can call us "Poocamel". Chortle.

Commentators talking about how good Schär is as the camera pans to him on the pitch as he's chatting away to the Spurs forward.... "I am terribly sorry, my friend, were you thinking of getting past me? Don't mind me as I just move past you with ease and play in our terrific blonde, Liverpudlian urchin fellow on the wing. Ciao."

lol Liverpool

You usually get called by them from birth or thereabouts 👍🏻

Like clockwork

As well as all the clear benefits this win gives us re. League position, GD, confidence etc, let’s not forget how pissed off Andrew will be at having to start another match thread.

Not sure what my favourite part of Ballard's performance was against us. Was it the fact he should have been sent off for dragging Isak down? Was it for giving away a penalty? Was it for scoring an own goal? For me it was him claiming offside:

😬😬😬

Gemmill Gemmitt Demmitt Dummitt Dummett

'I beat your brother, he's shit no?'

"Fuuuckking GERRRINNN!!! A meydeyohka player on loan to the lads's brother playing for his country has fouled a Mag playing for his international country. It just dinna and winna get any better than this, young Jardan, drink it in, marra, drink. It. In."

Let’s not be miserly in praise of the nippers here- they’ve beaten 3/5ths of the side that would give Madrid and PSG a run for their money. On their home turf.

I see Mike Ashley has failed in his attempt to stop us having an exclusive kit deal with JD Sports. So sad.

Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: Will you do it? The Jackal: Yes. Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: How much? The Jackal: You must understand that this is a once-in-a-lifetime job, whoever kills Exile can never work again... Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: How much do you want? The Jackal: Half a million. Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: What? The Jackal: Half in advance, half on completion. Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: Half a million pounds? The Jackal: No, containers of cheesy chips and bottles of blue pop.

"Ye Gods, the man is out of control! We need to silence him quicker than originally anticipated. He's a dangerous, loose cannon who knows the real truth. Is the 'Jackal' still alive and taking on work?"

I’ve always wondered which of the following they consider to be the classiest? 1- Glassing your chairman when he’s out for a meal with his wife. 2- Racially abusing your striker’s mother 3- Shitting all over your stadium and village. Maybe it’s a cumulative thing?

He was just waving back at Ballard

I love their misplaced theory that they are super fans and don’t whinge. They literally hound out every manager they appoint and have the most toxic home ground in the entire English leagues.

mackems getting beat 2-0 at home to Blackburn. They really need to bring on Excile to turn the game around 😂

Exile claims to be a better football player than Bruno.

Some highlights.

I've just clicked on it twice. One for me and one for you, so you're not getting out of it that easily.

I heard he was allergic to the 5G that Bill Gates put in the “inoculation “. The more you know … … and, of course, the Genocide

I like how he’s just invented these scenarios and then convinced himself it’s just a matter of time until it’s uncovered with massive ramifications. I suppose it’s a bit like convincing yourself you used to be as good at football as one of the best midfielders in the premier league.

Thought it was another really good performance from Anderson. He seems more of a physical presence than last season and I’ve been impressed with his energy on top of the technical ability he’s previously shown. I think midfield is his best position

They'd sing Jimmy Savile's name if he was getting them 10 goals a season. There'd also be way more dickheads turning up to the match dressed as sheikhs if they got bought out by the Saudis. Being too classy for owners that will never want them is all they've got left.

Desperate Dan Desperate Man

Adam Pearson is an AI generated visualisation of what goes on in Steve Wraith's head and no one can convince me otherwise.

Amount of times he says 'obviously': 0-10 - 4/1 10-20 - 2/1 20-30 - 1/2

Turns out we've signed a deal with JD Sports to be the only 3rd party retailer of next seasons shirt (outside of the club/Adidas). Fat Mike is fuming https://www.catribunal.org.uk/sites/cat/files/2024-03/16375724 - Sports Direct v Newcastle United - Summary of claim 21 Mar 2024.pdf

Our lass has had her colonoscopy and it’s all clear. Thank fuck. Been in James Cook all week with my brother because his fits were out of control, then drove down last night and spent all day today in the arse inspection unit of the MRI. Great week.

Hello Dave.