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I think I'm going to end every sentence with "...& of course the Genocide" from now on. Love the way he drops it in there. "My favourite teams? Newcastle, Mainz, Norrköping, Stenhousemuir & of course the Genocide." "I'll have the lamb jalfrezi, pilau rice, garlic naan & of course the Genocide."

“Mission accomplished agent Shearer, getting yet another chomp from a spreadsheet dude, return to base, this is Luddite red leader, over and out”

"This Exile 1968 character knows too much about our match fixing and is also a threat if he puts his football boots back on. Arrange either a car 'accident' with faulty breaks or get the lad who did Gazza's knee in Walkers to come out of retirement and finally put and end to Exile 1968's football career. We can't let this existential threat linger on for much longer."

Do you mean the Guggenheim in Bilbao marra? More proof of the relationship between the cities marra. Anyway, the moron Skylon has a new "insult" for us amongst his inane lies. Newcamel. I mean, if he's really clever he can call us "Poocamel". Chortle.

"Hello Geordie, what do you have to say?" "here, ah dinnit think Steyve did a bad job for them, ah meayn us, marra, ah meayn wor kid. Yi na them, I meayn us mags, wuh expect too much, and hound managers out, and wuh definitely have an infeereeoritey complex when it comes to sun'lin - who Steyve was absolooteley woeful for, marra, ah mean wor kid. And let's not forget, the genocide."

Commentators talking about how good Schär is as the camera pans to him on the pitch as he's chatting away to the Spurs forward.... "I am terribly sorry, my friend, were you thinking of getting past me? Don't mind me as I just move past you with ease and play in our terrific blonde, Liverpudlian urchin fellow on the wing. Ciao."

lol Liverpool

Like clockwork

As well as all the clear benefits this win gives us re. League position, GD, confidence etc, let’s not forget how pissed off Andrew will be at having to start another match thread.

I see Mike Ashley has failed in his attempt to stop us having an exclusive kit deal with JD Sports. So sad.

Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: Will you do it? The Jackal: Yes. Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: How much? The Jackal: You must understand that this is a once-in-a-lifetime job, whoever kills Exile can never work again... Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: How much do you want? The Jackal: Half a million. Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: What? The Jackal: Half in advance, half on completion. Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: Half a million pounds? The Jackal: No, containers of cheesy chips and bottles of blue pop.

"Ye Gods, the man is out of control! We need to silence him quicker than originally anticipated. He's a dangerous, loose cannon who knows the real truth. Is the 'Jackal' still alive and taking on work?"

I’ve always wondered which of the following they consider to be the classiest? 1- Glassing your chairman when he’s out for a meal with his wife. 2- Racially abusing your striker’s mother 3- Shitting all over your stadium and village. Maybe it’s a cumulative thing?

I heard he was allergic to the 5G that Bill Gates put in the “inoculation “. The more you know … … and, of course, the Genocide

I like how he’s just invented these scenarios and then convinced himself it’s just a matter of time until it’s uncovered with massive ramifications. I suppose it’s a bit like convincing yourself you used to be as good at football as one of the best midfielders in the premier league.

Thought it was another really good performance from Anderson. He seems more of a physical presence than last season and I’ve been impressed with his energy on top of the technical ability he’s previously shown. I think midfield is his best position

They'd sing Jimmy Savile's name if he was getting them 10 goals a season. There'd also be way more dickheads turning up to the match dressed as sheikhs if they got bought out by the Saudis. Being too classy for owners that will never want them is all they've got left.

Dele Ali on Sky - “it’s been a strange game, i don’t think it’s 4-0” Nah just checked, it is pal. Four goals to nil.

You know those ads are personalised based on your browsing history?

Well fuckin thanks then. I’m sat here in my pants trying to prevent yet another episode of “Gemmill prediction regret syndrome” and all I get is abuse

I think he’s got the hump

You’ve been sportswashed, marra. Next you’ll be trying to tell us the Guggenheim is better than the national glass centre was

I went to an A-League game tonight (the Sydney Derby) and on the way home spotted a fella wearing a current toon top which I complimented him on. He was going to watch the game at a bar in the city (invited me to come) and was watching the game on his phone. In the approximately five minute interaction we scored twice causing us both to proclaim the other as our lucky charm. You're all welcome.

To be 6th with the injuries we've had this season is absolutely scandalous btw. Brilliant effort by the coaches and the players.

A Study in Bemusement … ” Mama, why do these fat people keep taking photos of us?” ” I don’t know, mija “ ” Did Papi do something wrong?” ” No, angel, just smile, they’ll go away soon” ” But they don’t, Mama, they keep making us hold flags, and they smell like old churros” ” What is a sunderland, Mama?” ” I don’t know niña, I’ve never heard of it”

Wahey!

@wykikitoon finally has a good word for someone and they're a fucking Tory MP

2024 - Liverpool (inevitably) win it - fantastic achievement, prestigious award, endless repeats of Klopp's cowie jaw atop an open top bus through Liverpool on Sky, whilst we're told about his 'legacy'. 2025 - Newcastle win it - They should be winning it, with all that money spent, it's a tin pot trophy anyway - still failed to qualify for the champions league, can't believe the geordies are celebrating it, it's embarrassing. Calling it now. Bookmark it.

We have never, in our history, signed a good player. We've always overpaid for absolute dog eggs. Until they prove their worth and then of course they're good, we paid an absolute fortune from them, but they'll be off as soon as a big club comes in for them. Once they leave they become top class

Merson trying to work out the remaining fixtures live on TV like he's talking to his mates in the pub. "They've got them haven't they? Haven't they gotta go to Spurs as weww?" It's your job to know this stuff man, you absolute fucking shambles.

About 60 mins in I just thought this was a tactical masterclass. We went man on man ( a bit like Bielsa) and they didn’t know what to to do and couldn’t get any patterns of play started - especially from goal kicks. Credit to Big Dan. He has been absolute class last few games. Back to his best.

£2 more and I can get you a box of Wasps.

Jimmy Savile's excuse. Must be a Yorkshire thing.

All thanks to Harry Kane

Trademark Longstaff performance then. His best performances are when you forget he’s on the pitch because he’s just doing the shit no one pays attention to but is vital to our midfield being successful.

He's just not cut out to do the tucking in and joining the centre backs like Burn is IMO - I think it's been a bit tactical rather than a lack of faith. Hall is similar to Trippier - not exactly fast, but offers a lot on the attack - to have Hall and Trippier in the same team could be suicide without a proper CDM in the team to protect the defence whilst both full backs are up high. When he's played he's had a pacey Tino at right back, and in recent games Krafth who's replaced Burn as the more defensive full back. I just don't think Hall is great at the defensive elements of the game (probably as he's a centre mid converted to full back last season), and that's the real reason Howe hasn't played him as much - as neither he or Trippier are quick enough to make it work having both in the side at the same time (without moving to a back three or having a proper defensive midfielder in the side).