Glasgow Mag

Can't ever see myself trying squid - it's the thought of my teeth bouncing off it as I try to chew - disgusting. Same goes for octopus. Never tried monkfish - can't say it looks like something I'd want to try...

Food Marmite - what's it like and how do you eat it? On toast? Is Vegemite better to start with? Lamb - I've heard it's quite fatty and therefore chewy. Don't like the sound of that much. How does it tast compared with beef? Drink Gin - is it nice? Don't like most other spirits, e.g. Whisky and Vodka.

Farting is something that everybody does, whether you're Peter Kay or the Queen. It is something that not everybody likes to discuss, but we can't deny its existence. I'd also be interested in your personal farting stories. Anyone ever lit a fart, e.g. on the rugby team bus? Anyone refuse to fart in front of their partner?

Is it all-ticket? Half thinking of taking a trip down to Wigan for the game,wouldn't mind going in the home end. I know their crowds are pretty low.

Very strange indeed. I thought it looked like he was trying to get imaginary horse-shit off his imaginary shovel and into an imaginary bin, but hey it would be really boring if everybody interpreted everything in the same way, wouldn't it?

How many times do you wear a shirt before you wash it? How many times do you wear a pair of trousers/jeans before you wash them? How many times do yo uwear underpants/socks before they get washed? Just doing some research!

To be fair, that's not as bad as you might be trying to portray That's better than a goal in every 5 games. That 159 games also includes seasons where he scored 2 goals in 30 games. Don't have the stats to hand, but wonder how many goals he's got in his last 40-50 games? Might tell a different story.

Can we now class these two as 'goal-scoring midfielders'? Or is such a term reserved for the likes of Lampard and Scholes who have been doing it year-in, year-out for some years now? Just wondering.

For the first time in ages I'm driving to a home game, the West Ham match on Saturday. Used to park at the RVI and walk it - but isn't there a multi-storey there that charges a bomb now? Wondered if anyone could advise me where to park - preferrably free/cheap, secure and a reasonable distance from the ground - though don't mind a decent 20 minute walk by any means. Also a decent restaurant for afterwards - Italian I was thinking - any ideas?

I only really like the toffee ones, which usually means having to battle bravely through a load of coffee and orange mingers to get what I want.

As it's New Year, I thought we could discuss things we've got a great desire to do, or places we'd love to go to. Let's have 3 different categories: (1)Within the UK (2)Within Europe (3)Anywhere in the world It may well be that some forum members have lived out other forum members dreams - if so, maybe you could let us know if it was good for you. I'll start: (1) Within the UK I've never been to Northern Ireland - would love to go. Would like to go around the rough parts of Belfast, see all the murals. Also think that the Giants Causeway would be worth a visit. Also like to go to London for a spare weekend. Been a few times before, but always with a specific purpose in mind - either attending a meeting or visiting someone. Would like to buy an underground ticket and get off at random stops not on the traditional tourist map - e.g. Brixton, Brick Lane, Pimlico, Tooting and soak up the local atmosphere. Apparently you can smell spices in the air in these places. (2) Within Europe Venice ranks pretty highly - although I'm told it's extremely expensive. Also like to go to Iceland and boil an egg in one of these underground hot springs. (3) Rest of the World Always wanted to go to Australia. Not sure I'll ever make it - I'm told you need at least 3 weeks to make it a worthwhile trip and I only really get 2 weeks of work at a time as a general rule. Would love to do the sights in Sydney, and Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Perth look amazing too. From watching a bit of the Ashes (this series and last), would really like to take in an Ashes test - the MCG looks like a wonderful stadium and the atmosphere seems wonderful. For a long time I've wanted to take a trip to Argentina. Would like to see Buenos Aires and take in a Boca Juniors v River Plate derby match. Also eat the best steak in the world. Learn the Tango. Visit the waterfall separating Argentina from Brazil in the north, and visit the incredible glagiers in the south. Finally San Francisco - itching to go. Looks like a beautiful city. So many sights to see, the food would be nice too I think. Also visit the nearby Napa Valley vineyards.

In this day and age, we're getting encouraged to have solar panels and wind turbines on our roofs to make our homes "net zero carbon producers", or whatever the buzz phrase is, and getting rewarded for doing so with lower energy bills. Also we're being encouraged to us electrically powered "green cars" and getting road tax discounts for doing so. We can also give ourselves a good pat on the back for doing these things - makes us feel better about ourselves for saving the environment. I was wondering, would it be a feasible idea to try to use fart-gas as an environmentally-friendly energy source? I'm not entirely sure of the logistics of this. One way to do it might be to have a pipe with a container on the end to connect to oneself whenever one felt a need to blow one's horn in order to collect the precious energy source. I realise that this might not be discreet enough in public places initially, but then if the idea spread and lots of people cottoned on, then it might become a commonly used idea. And this tube could be left in overnight to catch any sleeping skunkers. Obviously at the end of a day the gas collected over a 24-hour period could be used to heat the oven for an hour for dinner, or power the TV for example. I must stress this idea is at a very early stage, not even reached pilot stage yet. What do you think?

Most people are scared of snakes and spiders. This thread is for you to recount your personal spider/snake horror-stories in a public arena. Have you ever got up in the middle of the night to go for a wizz, flipped up the lid and found something along the lines of this: Ever put your hand into a bunch of grapes and found a 'surprise' like this? And no, I don't want to hear about the time Brock Manson's girlfriend screamed for him to come to the bathroom to save her from this:

Peasepud - seen that driver of the blue ford recently?!

Did he ever cotton on that it made him look absolutely ridiculous?!

Just wonder if anyone can shed any light here. People often try to make judgements about each other going by what Newspaper you read. For example: Le Saux - well known reader of The Guardian - people automatically label him an intellectual lib-dem gay. These guys drive a white van, which will probably have a copy of the Daily Sport on the dashboard. People automatically label them as neanderthal labour-voting yobs. Me, I like to choose my daily read based mainly on which paper has the best sports section. I will look at The Guardian, The Telegraph, The Times, The Independent and The Herald (Glasgow local broadsheet). I will also see if there are any appealing articles highlighted on the front page. I don't choose a paper based on my political beliefs - I am a Tory voter and that ain't going to change. I don't buy tabloids because I like to read intelligently written articles and I'm not interested in celebrity gossip. I don't like their sports sections because I don't like to read transfer speculation that has no grounding. What newspaper do you read, and why?

I never understood this...

Glenn Roeder November 2006: "Stan came back last week, and it seemed a good idea to invite him train with us "It's been great to have him around as he's a great friend of the club. He is a smashing lad and he will be staying to watch the game on Thursday night." Glenn after the game on Thursday: "I spoke at length with Stanley after the game on Thursday night, and I found his enthusiasm and confidence to be infectious. He has had an illustrious career to date, seen just about everything there is to see in the game, and I feel that he could be a great guy to have around the club, we could get some games out of him, and at the same time he would be a great figure for the younger lads to look up to."

Hmm, can see Glenn offering him a short term contract - "Stan is a great lad, I've not worked with him before but he seems really level-headed and he's just bursting at the seams to get back into the Premiership. We're short of strikers at the moment, so the deal suits us both nicely."

It is with regret that I have to hang up my keyboard for the time being. Believe me, it is a sad, sad day. However, circumstances change, and we all must move on. I started a new job this week where I will be living in, and am moving out of my flat with its broadband connection. I don't think I'll be able to post at work much - they tend to ban such sites. Maybe I'll be able to post from the library but I can't guaruntee that. I know the 'Meet the Members' series has been popular, so I hope that Peaseud will continue it in the true spirit I started it in. All those who answered questions but who have yet to be featured, hopefully Peasepud will take care of it. I've not asked him yet but I hope it's okay mate I'm sure you understand. I have to admit I didn't think for one minte it would be as popular as it is - I probably took on too much to be able to commiit the time to it. I'm really sorry. Anyone who wants to keep in touch - ask Peasepud for my hotmail address. I hope to be able to lurk around the forum - but maybe better not post in case I get in shit at work for surfing when I should be working. It has been a bumpy few years on Toontastic for me - lots of ups and downs but I hope you think I was a decent poster on the whole. Too many people who I respect on here to mention but particular mentions to Peasepud (my ultimate drinking partner), Gemmill (funny bloke), Catmag (a sweetheart), JJ (surely a future Chick Young), Alereetlike, Bridget, Gejon, Meenzer (all round top bloke in a non-sexual way), Southern Geordie (Remember our shared hatred of Steph) Isegrim, Medina (Joking!), who I respect and consider to be friends in a funny sort of way. Alas, all good things come to an end. Thanks for the memories! Colin (Glasgow Mag) PS JJ, sorry about all that business last year. Hateful, spiteful stuff was said. A true regret in my life. Good luck with whatever you end up doing. You are a decent bloke.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand tonight we have the seventh installment of our exciting series. In case you have been asleep or on the planet mars all week, we have a brand new Meet the Members series. This is brought to you, with approval of the team at all new Toontastic. I, Glasgow Mag, am your roving reporter. I aim to take you behind the username, to make the username become a real life person. Tonight, I would like to introduce to you a rathercontroversial memberl who has become a much gossiped about these boards. You'll see a lot of him around, not just in his official 'Pastie-Muncher' role so here is everything you wanted to know about him but never got round to asking.... It's our favourite mackem delinquant, he once ate 15 Greggs pasties in under a minute, it's the one, it's the only......... Medina Real first name: Andrew Nickname: Andy, Shagger Age: 19 Occupation: Accounts Assistant Location: Farnham, Surrey Language(s) spoken? Very poor English Avatart - why? Well, i don't think its appropriate to go into that. Previous avatarts? Me! Tell us when you first joined the boards? When was it and how did you feel as a beginner? A While ago. Felt, well, like a mackem in newcastle! Board highlights? Board lowlights? What would you be doing if you weren't doing your current job? Police man. Pets? Tazmin, generally known as Taz or the Tazmanian Devil. Shes great, most of the time. I play a bit like.... Seaman. Football heroes? Nial Quinn. Football villains? Best advice given? You can't win until you're not affraid to lose. Ideal partner? Funny, happy, smart, fairly shy, playful, caring and considerate. Ideal dinner date? Ideal meal? Pizza Can you cook? Yes, reasonably well for a bloke. Current wheels? 125cc Scooter. Current wheels? Biggest influence? Ben, no one will know him. TV programmes? Burger and chips or fish and chips? Burger and chips. Chinese or indian? What do you order? Chinese. Gotta have bbq spare ribs. Favourite tunes? Well, Sweet Child of mine has just come on, pretty good. Also, Don't wanna miss a thing, most of bowling for soup and new found glory. But the top, Bonjovi - Its my life, Thank you for loving me and Blood on blood. Abi Titmuss or Jodi Marsh? Neither thanks. George Clooney or Bradley Pitt? Favourite film? Independence day. If I won a million pounds.... I'd have my own accountancy company and my own computer company. (And a Ducati 916) Age first drunk alcohol? First drink? 17. Bacardi and coke. Ever suspended/expelled from school? Why? Nope. Favourite insult? Get you head out of you fuckin arse. Not a lot of people know that......... Sometimes when I sneeze I have an orgasm. Most you've ever spent on an item of clothes? £30, maybe. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 4, i think. I'm obsessed with..... music and football. In 5 years time, I hope to be.... running my own accountancy company possibly looking at settling down and starting a family. Well Medina, that was well worth the wait. I never realised you were such a complex character before, but I certainly do now. In fact I now look at you in a whole new light - and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I think it's a safe bet to say that you'll be getting plenty more attention from the board's female members in future as a result of your sexy revelations.... Thanks Medina, hope you enjoyed the experience and will speak again with us soon. i]Any more questions for Medina? Please ask now as I open the forum to you, the people who matter most, the members![/i] ***KEEP LOOKING FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF 'MEET THE MEMBERS'!***

Is this a thinly veiled attempt at prompting a "the first time I flicked the bean" confession ? 6230[/snapback]

I notice this thread is rather male-dominated which, frankly, wasn't intended to be the case. Come on girls, join in the discussion. Any of you ever bought For Women?

I bought thousands as a teenager (before the tinternet), I remember buying one was like a covert millitary manouver, was there a woman on the counter ? did I have the correct money so not to have to wait for change ? was there a cue at the till ? could I reach the top shelf ? 6220[/snapback] What difference do these things make anyway? Surely it's embarrassing whatever the environment?

She looks like a scrawny poodle to me, but each to their own, personally speaking I think who ever suggested her is in need of serious psychiatric help. 6167[/snapback] Do you know, as it happens, as from today I'm qualified to detain him under the Mental Health Act 1983. Think I might have to do it..... 6176[/snapback] I take them back, Kathy off Eastenders. Proper dirty!!!! 6181[/snapback] Aye 25 years ago. These days though I'm sure she too is ready for her bus pass.