Glasgow Mag

Carrotsappetiser Short-statured jumped-up little gadgi. Any opportunity and he's up for road rage, regularly driving around trying to antagonise drivers of blue Fiestas. Lives in a bungalow with specially lowered doors so he can reach the handle to open them. Thinks photoshop is "so gay". Keeps himself to himself and abhors the tabloid and public intrusion into footballers' lives.

Kitsongol Hates internet forums. Idolises our centre-parted average former striker.

Dogmag Filthy woman who uses vulgar language. Every second word is c**t. Loves dogs. Stole money out of a collection tin for the cat protection league. Never listens to peoples problems.

Mack 'M' - Hardcore Sunderland fan, hates anything to do with designing and running his own forums. Can't stand internet blogs.

Click Here What a rancid turd he is. Offers from abroad? My arse. Most clubs wouldn't touch him with a bargepole. Bet he wouldn't even be shortlisted by Coventry.

What pizzas do you buy from supermarkets? My all time favourite is the Sainsbury's 'Chargrilled Medical Vegetable'. Also highly rate anything done by M&S but there's a price premium there. Worst - Cosmos pizzas, found in Sainsbury's. Eeeeugh! Minging! I used to like the Pizza Express pizzas you get in the supermarkets, Pollo ad Astra and American Hot I liked, but I've kind of sickened myself of them now. Anyone remember the frozen foot-shaped pizzas you used to get when you were wee, 'Monsters' Feet' I think they were called?

Has anyone ever succesfully set fire to a fart? Did you singe your ringpiece in the process? I once tried to lighta fart but nothing happened. Can you predict which fart will burn well - is it related to the smell?

Thinking of getting my eyes tested. Can you get this done for free in any opticians? Or is it only 'free' if you buy a pair of glasses?

First dump/piss combination when you get in at night, having held it in all day at work.

Anyone got any live streams for this match?

Welcome to C*nts' Corner - the place for you to conign the most irritating people in the planet. Sorry Catmag, no offence intended. Carlton Palmer: Michael Winner:

Oi Dennis!

After the recent "Wiping your arse" thread, I thought we should talk farts. Do you like to have a good fart? Do you have your own special aroma? Do you have a range of different types of fart in your armour, if so how do you categorise them? What are your rules for farting in enclosed and/or public spaces? Do you have techniques for sound modification? Do you worry about following through?

Quick question. I see a lot of sponsor forms - e.g. "I'll walk the wall of China" or "I'll climb mountains in Nepal" for charity. If I decide to sponsor for £5, should I tick the box for Gift Aid and give my address, so that they can make 28p extra for every pound? Is it worth it, do I lose out in any way? Thought Gemmill should be able to help. Or Peasepud. Cheers.

Just seen the fat-faced cockney shitbag on Piers Morgan - Sandbank. No way he's ever going do leave there. "We larve it 'eere, me an' Sawndra. We went to Powtugawl capla years back, dey put us in a wroom lookin' awva de mawtaway, I lookdat Sawndra and sayed, "Wot we dewin 'eere, let's gaw back 'ome". we larve it 'eere, me an' Sawndra." Fucker clearly using us to boost the old pension fund.

What the fuck? I know, fucked up or what? If you're implying that that's what haggis is then you're well wide of the mark there mate.

What the fuck?

How does that saying go about dogs looking like their owners?!

I thought we should start a thread for unusual or not commonly known food secrets. Here are a few of mine: Frozen grapes - put them in the freezer for 24 hours and you have a delightful sorbet-like snack. Strawberries with ground black pepper on top - really brings out the flavour. No need for cream/ice cream. Jelly babies with tomato ketchup - sounds all wrong but it tastes oh-so-right.

Dead. Link RIP

What do you mean by that Meenzer?!

Hughes is almost as much of an old woman as Steve Bruce. And he's eying up Fergie's hotseat.

Souness for Scotland would be a disaster. I can't believe he has been shortlisted!