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Wardi

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  1. A lorry load of stolen wigs has overturned on the A1 near Washington. Police are now combing the area.
  2. Police have pulled over a suspicious empty horsebox on the A1 with Irish number plates. The driver claimed he was taking the non-runners to Catterick.
  3. Police investigating a robbery at a prosthetics factory say they are searching for a number of unarmed criminals.
  4. A lingerie business set up by ex Star Trek legend William Shatner has gone into receivership. A disappointed Shatner admitted that titling the lingerie range 'Shatner Pants' was probably not the best idea.
  5. It has just been announced that Wildebeest Pate’ - once famously endorsed by Frank Sinatra - is to be re-launched on the American market. Start spreading the Gnus.
  6. A prolific Swiss clock and watchmaker with a collection of hundreds of timepieces has sadly died at the age of 95. Solicitors acting as executors say it may take several months to wind up his estate.
  7. In the 19th century the Cornish Pasty makers of south west England had reached crisis point. A general shortage of meat and meat rationing left them short of fillings for their pasties. In sheer desperation they decided to use the innards of large rodents as a meat substitute. These pasties became known as the pie-rats of Penzance.
  8. A young Geordie lad goes to see the Doctor, clearly in some discomfort - there's a Newcastle Brown Ale bottle sticking out from his foot. After an inspection and diagnosis the Doctor reassuringly declared.. 'No need to worry bonny lad, it's just an ingrowing Toon ale'
  9. I was feeling mischievous last night so swapped all the labels round on my wife's spice rack. I'm not in trouble yet but the thyme may be cumin.
  10. My grandparents always enjoy lifting their spirits at Christmas. Last year they lifted them from Sainsburys.
  11. Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.
  12. I joined a dating site for pyromaniacs last week. They sent me a match straight away.
  13. There are rumours within the business world that the Crufts dog show is in severe financial difficulty. Apparently the situation has got so serious they have called in the official Retriever.
  14. Northumbria Police are reporting that they have seized a large quantity of counterfeit Mr Kipling mince pies from a warehouse in Gateshead. A detective at the scene said.... 'These are exceedingly good fakes.'
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