acrossthepond

That's a penalty if and only if Man U are losing. On no other pitch in this country is that given, it's absolutely mental.

Absolutely not, we've got to beat scum like this at the ballot box. I thought once would be enough, but as always, some shits don't flush the first time.

What I've enjoyed most about this commentary is the endless repetitions of how awful we've been with nary a whisper of how fucking terrible Fulham must therefore be, since they're sleepwalking to a 0-2 defeat with barely a twitch. It's like there's only one team playing. If I were a Fulham fan I'd be outraged to have paid to watch that shower of shite.

Bruno There's more goals in this one for certain.

Nailed on, just got a Trippier jersey for Christmas. First NUFC shirt I've had in more than a decade.

I think instead of these wretched puns, you should get to posting some Nefer-titties. Ptolemy hold you up.

Already used, that joke is older than the Middle Kingdom.

That's quite enough out of you fuls. Acting like a bunch of bloody Sisis.

He's fine, more's the pity. And what a surprise, we played infinitely better and scored twice while he was off, the fraud. Players I've been slagging off for years suddenly looked like professional footballers instead of the great Salah's entourage. Even renowned two-first-name-having motherfucker Mustafa Mohamed finally looked like a player.

Fuck's sake

I took the first meaning as well, that the incompetent ref bottled sending off Hume for what was clearly a yellow card offence. Speaking of Hume, what a fucking clogger Utter rubbish, nothing but a walking foul all game, terrible terrible player. Perfect for the mackems, he sums them up perfectly. Bad hair, shit mustache, dirty-tackling irrelevant little work'ee ticket cunt.

Which of their managers was that then? The world-beater who lasted 15 games or the internationally pedigreed one who lasted 16? Fuck me, it's hard to keep up.

I don't get the reference but this, without fail, makes me crack up every time it's mentioned. EDIT: I believe it's meant to be a staffy named Callum, if memory serves.

Even the commentators, the pack of biased cunts, could not gin up an explanation for that. It was a dive. 100%, all day long, on every pitch on the face of this earth. Absolutely astonishing.

Fuck's sake

Shocking dive. We're just living in a Liverpool world. The rules don't apply when these FUCKING CUNTS are playing. Fuck man, they're not even good, this side has been carried by a combination of hype, VAR, dodgy decisions, and Klopp browbeating the officials all season.

Every Egyptian man goes bald. It's normal, it's expected. This is just embarrassing, he looks like Krusty the Klown.

Only at the magical Anfield is that a yellow card. It wasn't even a foul! If the vaunted VVD had made that tackle these'd be creaming their shitty Mike Ashley sportswear. FUCK OFF!

Is that what we're calling falling at the slightest contact and rolling around on the floor in apparent blistering agony while the opponents break repeatedly? He was fucking wretched. I'm not sure a DM, proper or otherwise, will help keep him from being such a tart all the time. What that game needed was a fit Joelinton imo. Personally I think we have much more pressing issues than CM to address. Wilson increasingly looks finished, Isak plays better on the left, and Almiron's bang out of form. Attempting to contend a season playing on four different fronts with two strikers was a mistake from the beginning. We should've spent much more wisely in the summer - I'm sure there were loans to be had. We couldn't legislate for the injury list we've suffered, but the dearth of forward options is 100% a failure of planning.

Absolutely rotten performance from Bruno as well, truly diabolical. Spent more time on the floor than with the ball. Part of the blame has to go to Howe for this loss. Burn against Elanga was never going to work. Tino hasn't put a foot wrong since he's been in the side - why was he dropped for a limited CB playing out of position? Especially against a pace merchant like Elanga? He should've been hooked at halftime. Actually, he should never have started.

Where do I start? Avocados - FUCK OFF. Nasty, fatty, awful. Is it a fruit? Is it a vegetable? Is it a dinosaur's testicle? Who cares, it's rank. Mayo, ranch dressing, tartar sauce, aioli, any other fucking white slops that looks like it shows up under ultraviolet light. FUCK OFFFFFFF. I will not touch anything that's been into contact with any of these. Some of my students put mayonnaise on hot dogs, for God's sake. There ought to be a special division at the Hague for this sort of thing. American cheese - FUCK. OFF. I don't think anything else needs to be said. I'll add basically any yellow cheese to this category as well though I know that will be a more controversial opinion. Sour cream - What the fuck. Why are we using spoilt food? This isn't the Great Depression. FUCK OFF. Cheese danishes - WHY go to the trouble of making pastry, which is fucking difficult, only to fill it with minging, stinking fake cheese. GET IN THE FUCKING SEA. That goes for cheesecake as well. Why make a CAKE (delicious) only to fill it with FUCKING CHEESE (wretched)???? Zucchini/courgettes - Why does this vegetable exist? Cucumbers at least are refreshing. These are watery, wet, tasteless SHITE. FUCK OFF. Water chestnuts - Once again, who the fuck thought it was a good idea to eat these sopping wet flavorless discs? Dry toast has more personality. FUCK OFF. Ham - Now I want to preface this by saying that I've never eaten it, but what the fuck? It looks like a fucking corpse's ass-cheek and is injected with water. Absolutely disgusting. I understand the allure of crispy bacon or a pork chop but this honestly revolts me. Undercooked meat - Over the course of millions of years, our distant ancestors figured out how to use fire to cook meat. It was a seminal fucking step in the development of human civilization. BUT NOW, some fucking MORONS decided to revert to pre-caveman ways and eat bloody, raw, living flesh. Tartare? Carpaccio? How do you say "fuck you" in Italian? Sushi? That should be up there with the fucking Rape of Nanking as another Japanese war crime. Get fucked, the lot of it. Fatty steaks - What the actual fuck? Ribeyes, cowboy steaks, the fucking lot. "The fat is a key component in the meal", no it fucking isn't, are you mad? Great geet fucking white undissolved hunks of fat do not belong in my mouth. Do you serve a fucking pineapple with the skin on because it's a key component of the meal? Do you FUCK!

I'll give a bit more of a religious view on this. I want to preface by saying that I have absolutely no idea. I'm not one of those who thinks that my faith is the 100% gospel (see what I did there) and everyone else is an unbeliever, that I've got the straight goods from the Big Guy Himself and I'm on a one-way trip to paradise. I have no idea. I'm scared that it's all make-believe and there is nothing after you die - a light switch, like some of you referred to. Some days I believe that, and some days I don't. Most days I just try not to think about it and carry on living my life. This really first started affecting me in my first year as a teacher, when one of my students took her own life suddenly and unexpectedly. Before that I had never substantially questioned the certainty of heaven. However, her suicide (understandably) started a lengthy period of doubt. She was an innocent, a child who struggled with mental health issues the likes of which are still not clear and which we probably will never know. She was bullied over the internet by classmates and had an unsupportive home environment. What sins did she commit, that she should be condemned to hell for all eternity? Did God - and Islam states clearly that everything that happens is already ordained by Him - create her, only to have her kill herself and be denied paradise? That seems to make no sense. So I questioned myself for a long time. Ultimately I arrived at a conclusion that many other people have throughout history, which is Pascal's wager: that it is better to live as if He is real, because you stand to lose less than if you live as if He is not. What do I really give up by living as a Muslim? Pork? Alcohol? I have no interest in either. What obligations do I incur by living as one? Hajj? Fasting? Harmless, barely even an inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. So I decided to keep going, and I expect I will for the rest of my life. When I have doubts, I comfort myself oddly not with the Qur'an, but with Dune, where Frank Herbert wrote "What senses do we lack that we cannot see or hear another world all around us?" An ant is not aware, could not possibly be aware, of this conversation we're having right now...but nonetheless, it is happening, it exists. Theoretically an omnipotent God would be as far beyond us as we are beyond that ant. It's not impossible. So, it's not impossible that there is another life beyond this one.

There were a couple of clangers but considering we just mullered a nearly 1bn-value side with three keepers on the bench and barely broke a sweat, you have to say...that Chelsea are really, really fucking shit Howay the lads, bring on PSG, we'll play Karius at CB and still beat them.

Taxi for baldy!

Class run, Tino making them look like Sunday leaguers. These are there for the taking, let's not hold back.