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ravtash patel

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Everything posted by ravtash patel

  1. Last day of worktime posting!

    Buy a PC, tight wad! i dont think this is a good bit of advice to give to a bloke like smooth, after having the displeasure of meeting him in wacky's pad a couple of weeks back i'd definately say if this cunt was allowed to own a pc it would only be a matter of time before he went down the same path as our old friend mr gary glitter !!
  2. Craig Bellamy

    I can only assume that his goals tally this season keeps you happy? 8 in 6 months is NOT a respectable total for a player of Shearers (now obviously gone) talents. Given the choice of starting this season with Bellamy or Shearer I personally would have the former and would have wished the latter a happy and long retirement. I fear that Shearer for the first time in his career has put his personal ambition (201 and counting) ahead of what is best for NUFC. 95454[/snapback] there's only 1 word to describe people like you who slate shearer... buffoon
  3. would u leave your lass?

    wor lasses mate won 100 grand on the national bingo in november last year, now i think she's got the hots for me.. i need some advice, should i give her a piece of the ravtash or leave well alone?
  4. that new road layout

    does anyone agree that these new traffic lights at the new byker shopping centre is a fucking accident waiting to happen? who designed the bastards? either fuckin stevie wonder or jade goody is my guess!! i'd say 99% of the times i've driven down/up the fossway there has been something that could of led to an atroscity.. yesterday for instance after i'd been to "scope" on sheilds road for wor lasses birthday present i was on me way yem wen this fuckin old coffin dodger in a f reg escort cut me up yet again, he must off been at least 100 yrs old & on his way to get his greeting off the queen!! i tried telling him he was in the wrong with various hand jestures but he just gave me that vacant "i fought in the war for you" look.. if someone isnt killed at these lights before long then i'm a fuckin dutchman.
  5. lesbians

    i fuckin love lezza's me... been watching a couple of quality dvd's lately & it got me thinking... "could you marry a lezbee freind?" as much as i'd like to hav a bit quality time with a couple i doubt wether it would be practical to actually set up home with 1, wot do you think pop pickers?
  6. Having a wank while your dog is in the room

    havent got a dog.. does the missus count?
  7. that new road layout

    lol beano is the name of my mate who is opening the shop & if his summer barbeques are owt to gan by it'll be top nosh FACT!!
  8. that new road layout

    try BEANO'S DELI soon to be opening just doon from the newton boozer..!
  9. that new road layout

    aye, its her birthday on thursday & i got here a canny pair of red stilleto's hardly worn for only £2.50.. they are a size 4 & she is a 5 but hopefully she'll squeeze into them..! i hate this time of year, its all money,money,money.. no sooner hav i got wor lasses birthday oot the way & then valentines day comes around.. she's been asking for a new coat & is also hinting for a meal, so it looks like a trip to oxfam or the heart foundation then off to book a table.. know any nice places to eat like smooth? i've heard capabilities is nice..
  10. Merkur - The best a man can get

    i use gillette blue 2.. £3.99 for a pack of 10 at morrisons.. i only shave twice a week, i'm a right hairy twat but also a lazy 1 so if wor lass doesnt like the stubble effect i suggest she fucks off..!!
  11. Dead rabbits

    I'll have you know I'm a proper head board breaker! Was riding a lass last night, from Heaton, had a water bed, must be the only lass in Heaton with a water bed like. Said her bloke was a fetish freak and he like the sound of the waves it made as it reminded him of his childhood floating down the Tyne in his "Moses" basket! 84212[/snapback] If it's the same lass I'm thinking about she doesn't need a water bed to make the sound of waves in the scratcher 84215[/snapback] Aye, she prefers it in the back door to the front cos the front is like a hippo's yawn. 84290[/snapback] is it right your lass went to the doctors on returning from africa because her fanny hole had been stretched to the size of a wizards sleeve, the doc said "wot on earths happened here?" your lass replied "i got raped of an elephant" doc said "i was led to believe an elephants cock was long & thin" to which your lass replied "it was but the bastard poked me first!!!!" lol
  12. John Carver

    83383[/snapback] the small demonstration on Saturday is just the start of things 83386[/snapback] wor lass works in the bamborough suite on a matchday & was leaving thru the players entrnce in the heat of battle, she assure's me the average age of these protesters could of only been 14 yrs old.. i mean i uinderstand these kids are our future but i doubt wether it can be classed as a real demonstration..!
  13. Film/moving picture show you most recently watched

    watched the first hour of bourne identity on itv2 last neet then fell asleep, seemed a canny show & i've heard its good.. any1 seen it, would u recomend me trying to track a copy down to watch the end?
  14. Arctic Monkeys

    had a bootleg copy for a while now & i've just ordered the original off play.com, i think they are pure class & with lyrics like "he's not from new york city he's from rotherham" & "although he might wear classic reeboks or knackered converse with trackie bottoms tucked in socks" nobody can take away the fact that they are very up to date & cutting edge.. although i'm not to keen on "the streets" i do think they are the nearest thing to them lyric wise, although its the raw rock n roll style of the monkeys i prefer to the chav like "streets".. best song i've heard from the monkeys to date is a toss up between fake tales of san fransico & a certain romance.. class
  15. We're behind the manager...

    83270[/snapback] He heard it quite a few times on the back of the No 12 bus on the way home from school. 83273[/snapback] later to become the no 41 if memory serves me..!
  16. Happy Birthday to.....

    i absolutley idolised quazzie during both his playing spells at the toon & he still is without a shadow of a doubt the best player i have ever seen don the black & white jersey... but my affection towards him was tainted somewot a couple of years back.. me and about a dozen mates went to see a talk-in organised by radio newcastle up at "the blue flames club" (next to the benton training ground) quazzie was very bitter about the club as it had only been a short while since he was accused of bullying the young 'uns along with kenny wharton.. he slagged off everybody from bobby robson to the tea lady, the only 2 people in the whole club he seemed to have time for where alan shearer & shay given. he was telling the story of how bobby robson was ready to sell big al to liverpool only for fat freddie to pull the plug at the very last minute.. i queried wether this story was really true, as i found it hard to believe.. quazzie's response was "well if you dont believe ME your obviously a mackem!!" well this brought a lot of chuckling to the room & i went a trifle red around the gills but being called the ultimate insult infront of you mates does tend to take a bit of the love away from someone you've worshiped since being knee-high to a grasshopper!! in summary - my favourite ever toon player but a bitter freak non-the-less..!!
  17. Rancid Turds

    If my memeory serves me correctly the reason you're arse became as slack as a snake belt during the night was due to having some thai love beads inserted earlier on in the evening. Correct me if I'm wrong 79407[/snapback] cant argue with you on that 1 wacky, thought i'd keep that bit to myself... would hate to lower the tone on this thread..
  18. Hey guys

    Right Jonny Boy, you're going about it all wrong imo as she's obviously a right dirty cow.. Next time you bake some scones for her lace them with approx half ounce of the finest morocccan you can get your hands on or alternatively 1-4 oz of skunk (probably to good to waste on some daft bird). Make sure she eats at least one in front of you then give it about 20-25 minutes. This has now presented you with two possible scenarios: 1. She sits stoned out of her head and gives you the opportunity to sit and crack lots of corny jokes that she normally wouldn't laugh at without making yourself look like a twat, and it also gives you the opportunity to gage how dirty she is by dropping lines in like "is that the phone or your knickers ringing?" if she laughs at shit like this and has a little twinkle in her eye then you know she's a dirty fucka on the sly and theres a chance you'll get your hole, if she doesn't then you know she's not worth pursuing. 2. Scenario two is she whitey's big time, this then presents you with the chance to play the caring card and ask how she is etc, offer to take her to the toilet, baring in mind she may feel a little faint and unsteady on her feet, this is an ideal opportunity for a grope as you help her out her seat, you may even get to stand behind her as she bends over the toilet reaching for her life, there's numerous possibilitys, just go with the flow (excuse the pun). Judging by your patter on here Jonny I would say option two is best suited to you as it's probably the only way you'r actually going to get to spend any qulaity time with her. If you need any more advice please don't hesitate to PM me 79126[/snapback] next time i whitey at your hoose i'll be off doon old sheilds road like a fuckin scorned cheata..
  19. Rancid Turds

    i've posted this story before but its a corka & its true so here we go again.. if i can take you back to christmas 2002 when i was a 27 yr old sexual tyranasaurus i was diagnosed with having irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) after having to suffer the indignity of having what felt like a panasonic 13" lensed video camera poked up my chutny tube in the freeman hospital. anyway the (IBS) would play absolute havoc with my motions, 1 day my stools would resemble picnic bars & the next red-hot peanut butter.. belive me, wen u had to go u had to fuckin go.. so at the begining of december i got lucky with some random heavy lass from low fell while out on a saturday night doon buffalo joe's (quayside).. i took her mobile number the following morning & left expecting never to see the fat cunt again.. how wrong i was..! a week before christmas & it was time for our annual works night out, my best mate at graft lives in low fell & i somehow ended up back in his flat at about 1am, after having a smoke it suddenly struck me that "shirley crabtree" who i'd earlier "surfed" only lived around the corner. out came the mobile & after a very breif conversation i found myself naked in "embergs" bedroom with her sitting on top of me almost smothercating me with her mounds of flab.. after an hour or so of riding, down she went to play a sweet tune on my purple headed flute when all of a sudden i felt a rocket from the crypt in the anal department.! i muttered the immortal words "oot the road flower, the damn walls are gonna blow" .. i made my way to the shithoose to see mr & mrs brown off to the coast before returning to finish wot me & "andy fordham" had begun.. after blowing my beans all over "mcmanus's" tits we both rolled over & fell into a deep sleep........ 6am & i wake up......jesus christ.!! either the IBS has made a silent protest in the dead of the night or this fat twat has had a shit inside my undercrackers for a laugh..!! i quitely got up, cleaned myself down in the bathroom, got dressed & made a sharp exit, in the past wen i've took a bird home i normally hang around in the morning hoping for a "dawn strike" & a bit breakfast, but not this time.. bought myself a toblerone at the post office then jumped on a bus to warsick street..!! i then deleted "rik waller's" number & have never seen her to this day which i'm glad about.. i mean how would i explain leaving her bed covered in shite? i'm sure you'll all be glad to know that the IBS has now passed, leaving my rusty button as tight as a balloon knot!! HAPPY DAYS
  20. Stampede in Saudi!

    dont be so ignorant... faith is blind
  21. backdoor barrymore is back !!!

    seen todays sun? micheal barrymore is to enter the big brother house on thursday night.. what i find hillarious is that they have an indoor swimming pool this year, surely this is a piss take, i mean who can forget wen barrymore zebruggered* that poor lad a few years back.. i think this is a disaster waiting to happen!! *zebruggered to have your backdoors forced open and then be left helpless to fill up with water.!
  22. backdoor barrymore is back !!!

    big brother bosses last night called micheal barrymore into the diary room & told him to start using the ashtrays & stop putting his used fags out in the pool..!!
  23. Stampede in Saudi!

    apparently the stampede was caused due to a half price sale at the catapult store, the shop owner is said to be furious as he has now been lumbered with even more fuckin black widows!!!
  24. Caption Competition

    "didn't realise barrymore had been evicted"
  25. backdoor barrymore is back !!!

    "how do you like your boyfriends micheal, dead or alive"

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