ImpossiblyDaft

Joe Mattock is absolutely nowhere near a Premiership player yet. Shedloads of potential, but certainly a championship standard player at the minute. The only player in our back-4 I'd call Premiership standard is Tunchev, and he's out for the rest of the season with a knee injury As for Delph - overrated. Ledley would be a good shout though, but £7m is a little steep and somehow I don't think that kind of money will go back in.

The danger of dishonest hookers and fire extinguishers; whoever has the next trip to La Manga planned has a lot to live up to.

There's no 'probably' as to whether he doesn't get on with the Reserve Team Manager: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=nb5Igo2LvNs (any excuse to link to that classic eh)

This article infuriates me; I know Steve Howard is a Newcastle fan but he has no right to try and angle himself a move in this manner - sure he'd be a decent striker for you guys in the championship but I want him here when we go back up damnit

My first reaction was 'Blimey, Iain Dowie's daughter!", to be honest.

Think about it in terms of 1.25 Shola bills per week. Seems like bargain of the century then.

Shay Given may be brilliant, and its disappointing to lose such a top player especially one who has been around for so long, but... Tim Krul

Football League rules are -10pts for going into Administration and -5pts for failing to leave administration via CVA, which always get rejected after the tax man got pissed off with Leeds' initial offer and made it policy to reject them all even if in a few cases its been cutting off their nose to spite their face, because league rules that football debts come first screwed them over in the past. The League's response is to put their fingers in their ears, unfortunately.

Well, depends. Could just as easily be a badly-veiled "er, stick another five million on that".

In all honesty, I think he's probably better in the middle than out wide. Either way, I wouldn't say he's not creative - he's got very good vision for a Championship player, he's just not much of a flair player. He'd be a useful player in a side that needs a midfield like Newcastle do, and definitely a Premiership standard player, but not a top half one.

The only decent job he did was at Macc! he was given a wad of cash at MK Dons. He moved to Blackburn and bought players like Mark Bunn and Keith Andrews! brought in lower league backing staff and wondered why he struggled. I'm glad he's got egg on his face to be honest. Mark Bunn? I mean come on, of all the players to blame you pick a reserve goalkeeper!

I would have no problem with that personally, but only if the prices per game were lowered for pay as you go fans. well I don't expect to pay 500sheets to see Norwich, Barnsley, Plymouth etc Leeds pay it. Pfft, they don't get to watch such illustrious sides. If they did, Ken Bates would want double, too. Random incidental thing, as far as I can remember, we've not actually changed our prices from our Category B Premiership prices from years ago - five years ago, £23 would get you Premiership, now it gets League One. All that ever happens is smoke and mirrors with 'special offers' (This month's exclusive deal - getting a £5 discount rejected by every opposition side in the FA Cup). Pity about 10,000 people don't bother turning up anymore - Leeds at home is probably going to be the only one to come close to 25,000

The tl;dr of it is essentially that the registration papers were knowingly based on lies.

Its part of a new plan - instead of threatening chants at the home fans, they're distracted into 90 minutes of "get your tits out for the lads" instead. Or something like that, anyway.

As long as its the Southampton version they get, this is great... A big if though. A replacement rubbish Director of Football type is clearly a necessary part of their continued development

I shared a house with some randoms. All I came away with was a bizarre fascination with observing Newcastle United from a distance, some catchphrases and a love of Tim Krul.

There are some very odd people out there. Very. And some very cheap, very desperate 'actresses'. Nothing is beyond the internet.

It does highlight the thing of reputations taking an age to build and a second to destroy, but it is a bit of a cack article. The Boumsong thing is a fair enough point to make really, a player who had previously looked decent from a distance comes in at an inflated (*cough*) price and disappoints - it isn't exactly all that rare. The rest, useless - Of course not - because Martin O'Neill has never been a failure. Decent for Grantham and Shepshed, a legend at Wycombe, Leicester and Celtic and successful so far at Villa. The nearest he comes to a blot on the CV is walking out at Norwich. Yes, he's not won the FA Cup, but then he was at Leicester, not Liverpool - that's like saying someone who turns £10m into £11m is a better investor than someone who turns £100 into £800,000. Yeah, they'll have got something bigger, but they had a lot more to start with. Its blindingly obvious but the guy seems to want to refuse to see sense in order to make the 'theme' of the article work, rather than admitting that reality breaks the idea for an article he had.

Eh? I'd be suprised, as it would be pretty crazy considering the timeframe - just after a move to a midtable top flight side, with a number of international appearances that could be counted on one hand. Potential for something being seriously misquoted I guess. Anyway, who could want just 5 non-Newcastle things to happen? After all, the paper is full of opinion columns saying "but Newcastle aren't a big club reaaaally", so surely there's plenty else going on! 1. Leicester win the FA Cup. Because the only important thing about Newcastle is Tim Krul ~. Leicester win League One. Joint first, because I love the Championship. 3. West Ham go tits up and go down (though not under), the cheating cheeky buggers. 4. Spurs go down. Cocky cockney scumbaaaags. 5. Either a random team like Famagusta winning the Champions League, or swap this with the below. 6. Premier League cash implosion. I don't want any club to go under, but a few could do with being brought back down to Earth, preferably with a bump. 7. Standing allowed! Fun! 8. (Kinda Newcastle related) Leicester sign Tim Krul (or Marton Fulop, as a non-Newcastle related plan B.) 9. Get Cardiff away in the FA Cup. I love Ninian Park. 10. Derby to go down again - for comedy value and because well... its Derby. Uh yeah, that's about right.

Yeah, but Wise doesn't look like the kind of guy who would be in a position to be picky, does he? I mean, if his body is in proportion... >_<

I think there there is a degree of luck to it, but things such as picking up on other teams' castoffs, bringing players through, encouraging the right attitude etc. is more judgement than luck - just look at Crewe. Still easier to harvest the best 16-year-olds like Arsenal though.

But you already have Tim Krul, what more do you want?

Get Gerry Taggart as manager then. Dennis Wise is, in the words of someone I don't know who butted into a conversation where I was trying but failing to explain the concept to a non-football-following friend, a cunt. Llambias and Jiminez... guilty by association I guess.

I couldn't have. I have two brain cells you see.

Rich new owner, optimism for the manager after years of mediocrity, a shock managerial departure just as the transfer window closes, inexplicable signings behind the manager's back, bizarre managerial appointments and plenty of them, performances like gouging eyes out with spoons... So this is why everyone was taking the piss out of me last season. You're still short of a heart attack, a last-minute win over local rivals, nearly making a cup upset, and Barry Hayles so I wouldn't call it panic stations yet mind. Seriously though, fixture list doesn't look too kind if this drags on - its the kind of situation that can drag a technically decent team down, easily.