Monkeys Fist

@Andrew realising he doesn’t have to do the match threads… … because we’ve been turboshite

Aye, well. Thats that then.

Tiddy Tat?

Baaaallz

Manure losing 1-2

You sure that’s Ian Abraham’s? Looks like Peter White to me.

There’s more than a passing resemblance between Big J and Morpheus in the Matrix, imo, both of whom will fuck you up if you’re a cheeky albino chancer.

If it keeps him at the Theatre of Prawns, I’m not against it.

This is one of the reasons I can’t wait for BUJ7 to get back in the side. Any fucker dishing out this kind of nonsense would find themselves on the end of a perfectly executed Brazilian reducer, licketty feckin split.

God, I hope not.

We’ve all been there …

Yikes.

I call the little rat’s cock transport planner at work “Pumpkin” when he’s having a mare, because I know it instaboils his piss.

These are averages though- if you factor in the first blushes of romance and the related shagathons, then the “ go to the bathroom and DIY” when said partner can’t be arsed towards the end of the marriages, three seems about right. You’re making the assumption it’s always with a woman, Vincent Vanilla. Even if you massage the figures , you’re in your Gran for way longer.

Carrying on this fascinating topic… The average marriage/long-term relationship in the Uk lasts 12.9 yrs. If we say that sexy time is three times a week, on average, and that you’re actually inside your partner for 5 minutes each session , on average, that means you’re inside for 15 minutes a week. Over the 12.9 yrs, that’s 10,062 minutes, or 6.98 days. Let’s call it a week that you’re inside your partner in total. The female reproductive system, including ovaries and eggs, is fully formed at 20 weeks in a normal pregnancy, meaning that we are all inside Granny for waaaay longer (20 weeks), than we are inside our chosen partner*

Slightly on-topic, but, since every woman is born with every egg she’ll ever produce already formed, this means that the eggs must’ve been there before her birth. Which means that everyone, even non-mackems, has spent time inside their Granny.

I’m sure you called him a cunt in 2011

Why not ask our North Of The Border Author in Residence?

So, hypothetically, if you were a first team player at a reawakened sleeping giant of a club, and you had a lass with famously massive jammers, you wouldn’t be daft enough to put your personal mobile number on a delivery note, thereby placing it in the hands of an amoral tiddy-fiend who might, hypothetically , know someone who can hack in to phones and look for tiddy pics would you?

Has he had some kind of Grandad makeover? Looks like the male version of the owld boilers in Fenwicks biddy dept. edit; FUCK ME! He’s only 57!

I hope he didn’t buy Targett’s gaff, it’ll need a Crime Scene Cleaners company doing their stuff, the manky fucker.

Wykiki’s not arsed as long as he gets a shot on Gordon’s lasses chebs.

Can we have a Best of Wankers video for Chelsea please, like the one posted earlier from the Spuds fans?