Smooth Operator 10 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 I nearly had a horrible moment at the end of 5 a-side the other night, my arse hole was twitching like a rabbits nose in the middle of an ashtma attack just after we finished playing. Had to hurry the lads I was dropping off into the car under the pretence I was gonna be sick, one of them tried to pursuade me to just be sick in the car park to get it over with, at this point I was touching cloth and asked him if he really fancied the long walk home. Anyway lasted it out to my mates house where I pebble-dashed the bog good style. The whole episode made me wonder when was the last time you shit yourself? Never got to that stage myself apart from when I was in nappies like but have had a few close calls. Remember having a shit in the park once when I was on my paperound years ago and using the glossy mags to wipe with!! Aresehole was cut to ribbons, Meenzer style! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo 133 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Judging by the state of the gusset of my pants, fairly recently you could argue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeordieMessiah 0 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 About 8 years ago...and I was driving my then girlfriend's car to the airport to pick her up, coming back from a business trip abroad. I'd been out on the lash with the boys the night before, had an extremely dodgy curry and went to release a sneaky trouser trumpet only to follow through. Soiled the seat as well as my trousers. Nice. Suffice to say, we didn't last long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Stevie released one of the greatest stories with regards to this if memory serves me correctly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetleftpeg 0 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Aye, who was it who told the story about having a shit while on his bike then 'sucking it back in' or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13804 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Ive never shit meself but ive come fucking close like The worst one was... I was in my room in my first year house at uni, Woke up hungover as fuck and desperately needed a shit Lived with the fattest most ugly mong of a lass on the top floor of the house, she looked like john belushi ffs!! So im desperate needing a shite, leave me room and the doors locked so im proper fucking scared in me room of needing a poo, even thinking of the best way to do it So i hear the door unlock and launch into the toilet and... The seat is still warm off the fat lass. I was nearly sick. She is the most utter ming ever.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 (edited) ive never shited me pants nor even come close. even when i used to drink and get stottin mortal on the snakebite - my arse never had a bad shift. Edited April 23, 2007 by Lazarus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 5881 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I must be the only person who hasnt shit himself since being a kid On a similar note, my mate pissed the bed 2 weeks running on saturday night. On the 3rd saturday night his new lass was stopping for the first time. He gave up drinking for 2 months cos he was that scared of pissing on her leg in is sleep! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16474 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Saturday night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peasepud 59 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I must be the only person who hasnt shit himself since being a kid On a similar note, my mate pissed the bed 2 weeks running on saturday night. On the 3rd saturday night his new lass was stopping for the first time. He gave up drinking for 2 months cos he was that scared of pissing on her leg in is sleep! Im still trying to work this one out Are you saying that last staurday and the saturday before your "mate" pissed the bed and next saturday he has a new "lass" staying so he doesnt want to repeat the feat? If so, does he have a time machine in an H G Wells stylee where after agreeing to her staying he remembers the previous two weeks shenanigans and therefore goes back in time two months to stop drinking and hopefully not piss himself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34158 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I must be the only person who hasnt shit himself since being a kid Stick me on that list an'all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fop 1 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I must be the only person who hasnt shit himself since being a kid On a similar note, my mate pissed the bed 2 weeks running on saturday night. On the 3rd saturday night his new lass was stopping for the first time. He gave up drinking for 2 months cos he was that scared of pissing on her leg in is sleep! Im still trying to work this one out Are you saying that last staurday and the saturday before your "mate" pissed the bed and next saturday he has a new "lass" staying so he doesnt want to repeat the feat? If so, does he have a time machine in an H G Wells stylee where after agreeing to her staying he remembers the previous two weeks shenanigans and therefore goes back in time two months to stop drinking and hopefully not piss himself? I could explain what he means, I think, but Gemmill wouldn't like it. (and might well poo himself in outrage) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17576 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I must be the only person who hasnt shit himself since being a kid Stick me on that list an'all. Like you'd admit it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34158 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I must be the only person who hasnt shit himself since being a kid On a similar note, my mate pissed the bed 2 weeks running on saturday night. On the 3rd saturday night his new lass was stopping for the first time. He gave up drinking for 2 months cos he was that scared of pissing on her leg in is sleep! Im still trying to work this one out Are you saying that last staurday and the saturday before your "mate" pissed the bed and next saturday he has a new "lass" staying so he doesnt want to repeat the feat? If so, does he have a time machine in an H G Wells stylee where after agreeing to her staying he remembers the previous two weeks shenanigans and therefore goes back in time two months to stop drinking and hopefully not piss himself? I could explain what he means, I think, but Gemmill wouldn't like it. (and might well poo himself in outrage) I wouldn't bother. I think peasepud was joking too Fop. I would steer clear of trying to fully explain any answers to the question "Why did the chicken cross the road?" too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
themags 0 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 one of my mates and yes it was a mate not me, shit himself twice within a matter of 3 weeks. He's know as Freddie the bastard (another story) to us. He'd been on an all day session went back home pissed out of his head, decided he needed a shit went to the toliet, pulled down what he thought was his jeans and boxers but was infact only his jeans. Proceeded to have a shit, took off his jeans and boxers and got straight in to bed, so basically shit himself and then got in to bed and caked it all over the sheets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17576 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 one of my mates and yes it was a mate not me, shit himself twice within a matter of 3 weeks. He's know as Freddie the bastard (another story) to us. He'd been on an all day session went back home pissed out of his head, decided he needed a shit went to the toliet, pulled down what he thought was his jeans and boxers but was infact only his jeans. Proceeded to have a shit, took off his jeans and boxers and got straight in to bed, so basically shit himself and then got in to bed and caked it all over the sheets Jesus wept. That was you, wasn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fop 1 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 (edited) I must be the only person who hasnt shit himself since being a kid On a similar note, my mate pissed the bed 2 weeks running on saturday night. On the 3rd saturday night his new lass was stopping for the first time. He gave up drinking for 2 months cos he was that scared of pissing on her leg in is sleep! Im still trying to work this one out Are you saying that last staurday and the saturday before your "mate" pissed the bed and next saturday he has a new "lass" staying so he doesnt want to repeat the feat? If so, does he have a time machine in an H G Wells stylee where after agreeing to her staying he remembers the previous two weeks shenanigans and therefore goes back in time two months to stop drinking and hopefully not piss himself? I could explain what he means, I think, but Gemmill wouldn't like it. (and might well poo himself in outrage) I wouldn't bother. I think peasepud was joking too Fop. I would steer clear of trying to fully explain any answers to the question "Why did the chicken cross the road?" too. See I knew he wouldn't like it and I didn't even do it, can't help himself. (but I wonder if he's poo'd himself in outrage? ) Edited April 23, 2007 by Fop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
themags 0 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 one of my mates and yes it was a mate not me, shit himself twice within a matter of 3 weeks. He's know as Freddie the bastard (another story) to us. He'd been on an all day session went back home pissed out of his head, decided he needed a shit went to the toliet, pulled down what he thought was his jeans and boxers but was infact only his jeans. Proceeded to have a shit, took off his jeans and boxers and got straight in to bed, so basically shit himself and then got in to bed and caked it all over the sheets Jesus wept. That was you, wasn't it? nah honest wasnt me swear down, dont think i've shit myself since i was a kid my mother tells me it was in a shop while trying on some new shoes this lad was at a house party a few weeks later went for a shit and managed to some how miss the toliet and dropped a log beside the toliet on the floor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8946 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 can't understand people getting so drunk they've lost cdontrol of their bowels. The worst that will happen to me is that I fall asleep with my socks on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17576 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Imagine the state of Radgi's keks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 5881 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I must be the only person who hasnt shit himself since being a kid On a similar note, my mate pissed the bed 2 weeks running on saturday night. On the 3rd saturday night his new lass was stopping for the first time. He gave up drinking for 2 months cos he was that scared of pissing on her leg in is sleep! Im still trying to work this one out Are you saying that last staurday and the saturday before your "mate" pissed the bed and next saturday he has a new "lass" staying so he doesnt want to repeat the feat? If so, does he have a time machine in an H G Wells stylee where after agreeing to her staying he remembers the previous two weeks shenanigans and therefore goes back in time two months to stop drinking and hopefully not piss himself? Not this saturday. Just 2 saturdays in a row last year. Im sure if you took your funny man hat off you would have understood that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34158 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Imagine the state of Radgi's keks. Bad enough before she's had a drink I would imagine. Fit for the bin after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8946 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 she'll get em from Primark, 50p a pair. On her wage it'll be the case that she'll take em out, wear em out, throw em out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17576 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 she'll get em from Primark, 50p a pair. On her wage it'll be the case that she'll take em out, wear em out, throw em out. Probably doesn't wear any tbh. The state of her sheets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeordieMessiah 0 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Aside from my earlier declaration, I've just remembered there was this other time, actually, where I was stuck in a traffic jam on the M62 trying to make my way back from Birmingham to the north-east, and the traffic just stopped...and my stomach was rumbling like a rusty old washing machine. Managed to make it to the services just outside Leeds, only to get out of the car and feel my sphincter just beginning to erupt. I managed to waddle my way to the toilets, arriving in the nick of time at the toilet cubicle, running (well, speed-waddling) in, and slamming the door shut and locking it in a single ninja-like manouevre. Spun round, kecks down and *just* managed to sit before it exploded. Fuck me though, it sounded like Krakatoa and smelt like Bhopal. Had to sit there for 20 minutes afterwards to make sure nobody else was in the bogs before emerging from the cubicle shame-faced. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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