Renton 17634 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I'm too tall (and too fat) to get into a brace position. If I'm ever on a plane heading for the Earth at 200mph + and I'm told to get into the brace position I'm going to just unbuckle the seat belt, get up and run up and down the aisle screaming like a gayer instead. Much more stylish way to go, tbh. no one is ever allowed to dig me about being fat ever again after this admission! I'm positively elfin compared to a bloke who can't get into the brace position! I am and I will ...fucker Which do you prefer, the turtle jokes or fat jokes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8954 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Which do you prefer, the turtle jokes or fat jokes? it's a toughy to be sure.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeordieMessiah 0 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I'm too tall (and too fat) to get into a brace position. If I'm ever on a plane heading for the Earth at 200mph + and I'm told to get into the brace position I'm going to just unbuckle the seat belt, get up and run up and down the aisle screaming like a gayer instead. Much more stylish way to go, tbh. Your presence is liable to take the plane down tbh. Reminds me...I was once on this plane for a business trip from Edinburgh to Southampton and I was sat at the front, on the left hand side. The plane was quite empty and this cheeky air steward (a big gayer, of course) came up to me and said, quite loudly, and totally deadpan: "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to move to the middle of the plane. The captain's concerned about the weight distribution for take-off" I was a bit taken aback, and said: "Really?" At which point the entire cabin crew start pissing themselves laughing. Cunts. * (*sorry Cath!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 (edited) Funny though Edited April 27, 2007 by catmag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I'm too tall (and too fat) to get into a brace position. If I'm ever on a plane heading for the Earth at 200mph + and I'm told to get into the brace position I'm going to just unbuckle the seat belt, get up and run up and down the aisle screaming like a gayer instead. Much more stylish way to go, tbh. Your presence is liable to take the plane down tbh. Reminds me...I was once on this plane for a business trip from Edinburgh to Southampton and I was sat at the front, on the left hand side. The plane was quite empty and this cheeky air steward (a big gayer, of course) came up to me and said, quite loudly, and totally deadpan: "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to move to the middle of the plane. The captain's concerned about the weight distribution for take-off" I was a bit taken aback, and said: "Really?" At which point the entire cabin crew start pissing themselves laughing. Cunts. * (*sorry Cath!) They actually do move people for that for real on smaller planes - not due to people being fat but to balance out the passengers if the flight isn't full. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17634 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I'm too tall (and too fat) to get into a brace position. If I'm ever on a plane heading for the Earth at 200mph + and I'm told to get into the brace position I'm going to just unbuckle the seat belt, get up and run up and down the aisle screaming like a gayer instead. Much more stylish way to go, tbh. Your presence is liable to take the plane down tbh. Reminds me...I was once on this plane for a business trip from Edinburgh to Southampton and I was sat at the front, on the left hand side. The plane was quite empty and this cheeky air steward (a big gayer, of course) came up to me and said, quite loudly, and totally deadpan: "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to move to the middle of the plane. The captain's concerned about the weight distribution for take-off" I was a bit taken aback, and said: "Really?" At which point the entire cabin crew start pissing themselves laughing. Cunts. * (*sorry Cath!) That's hilarious, you could have them for psychological trauma possibly. I can imagine you sitting wingside on a Learjet and it flying in circles mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
themags 0 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeordieMessiah 0 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 That's hilarious, you could have them for psychological trauma possibly. I can imagine you sitting wingside on a Learjet and it flying in circles mind. So can I. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34196 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Imagine the turbulence when he walks to the bogs man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17634 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Imagine the turbulence when he walks to the bogs man. Imagine the turbulence when he's in the bogs man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 They actually do move people for that for real on smaller planes - not due to people being fat but to balance out the passengers if the flight isn't full. Aye, it's true. A few years ago me and me fatha stopped in Cologne for the Leverkusen game, and we got a mint deal on flights if we went via the Dam. Obviously the second plane from Schipol to Cologne was tiny. There was only 3 of us on it. When we got on, they sat me and the front, took me fatha away, and sat him at the back, and sat this Dutch bloke in the middle. I was fairly pissed, and I thought they were taking us hostage and keeping us apart in case we tried to fuck off. Got personal service of a lovely blonde German air hostess, though, with what must have been an under regualtion skirt on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Imagine the turbulence when he walks to the bogs man. Imagine the turbulence when he's in the bogs man. I dont think he fits in the bogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34196 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Imagine the turbulence when he walks to the bogs man. Imagine the turbulence when he's in the bogs man. I dont think he fits in the bogs. Shits in a sick bag, and hands it to the stewardess with a smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetleftpeg 0 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 They actually do move people for that for real on smaller planes - not due to people being fat but to balance out the passengers if the flight isn't full. Aye, it's true. A few years ago me and me fatha stopped in Cologne for the Leverkusen game, and we got a mint deal on flights if we went via the Dam. Obviously the second plane from Schipol to Cologne was tiny. There was only 3 of us on it. When we got on, they sat me and the front, took me fatha away, and sat him at the back, and sat this Dutch bloke in the middle. I was fairly pissed, and I thought they were taking us hostage and keeping us apart in case we tried to fuck off. Got personal service of a lovely blonde German air hostess, though, with what must have been an under regualtion skirt on. Very showbiz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeordieMessiah 0 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Imagine the turbulence when he walks to the bogs man. Imagine the turbulence when he's in the bogs man. I dont think he fits in the bogs. Shits in a sick bag, and hands it to the stewardess with a smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17634 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Imagine the turbulence when he walks to the bogs man. Imagine the turbulence when he's in the bogs man. I dont think he fits in the bogs. Shits in a sick bag, and hands it to the stewardess with a smile. Naahh, he just does it where he's sitting iirc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Imagine the turbulence when he walks to the bogs man. Imagine the turbulence when he's in the bogs man. I dont think he fits in the bogs. Shits in a sick bag, and hands it to the stewardess with a smile. Naahh, he just does it where he's sitting iirc. http://www.failedsuccess.com/index.php?/we...e_crash_planes/ Mr Mcfattypants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17634 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 The safety of millions of customers is at stake and this 450lb attempt at Gastro-Terrorism could not be allowed to succeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donaldstott 0 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I'm too tall (and too fat) to get into a brace position. If I'm ever on a plane heading for the Earth at 200mph + and I'm told to get into the brace position I'm going to just unbuckle the seat belt, get up and run up and down the aisle screaming like a gayer instead. Much more stylish way to go, tbh. Your presence is liable to take the plane down tbh. Reminds me...I was once on this plane for a business trip from Edinburgh to Southampton and I was sat at the front, on the left hand side. The plane was quite empty and this cheeky air steward (a big gayer, of course) came up to me and said, quite loudly, and totally deadpan: "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to move to the middle of the plane. The captain's concerned about the weight distribution for take-off" I was a bit taken aback, and said: "Really?" At which point the entire cabin crew start pissing themselves laughing. Cunts. * (*sorry Cath!) They actually do move people for that for real on smaller planes - not due to people being fat but to balance out the passengers if the flight isn't full. That has happened to me, but not all airlines do it... It seems to me to be totally unecessary. Last time I flew with Ryanair nobody was allowed in the front or back three rows... Surely that can't make a difference? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I'm too tall (and too fat) to get into a brace position. If I'm ever on a plane heading for the Earth at 200mph + and I'm told to get into the brace position I'm going to just unbuckle the seat belt, get up and run up and down the aisle screaming like a gayer instead. Much more stylish way to go, tbh. Your presence is liable to take the plane down tbh. Reminds me...I was once on this plane for a business trip from Edinburgh to Southampton and I was sat at the front, on the left hand side. The plane was quite empty and this cheeky air steward (a big gayer, of course) came up to me and said, quite loudly, and totally deadpan: "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to move to the middle of the plane. The captain's concerned about the weight distribution for take-off" I was a bit taken aback, and said: "Really?" At which point the entire cabin crew start pissing themselves laughing. Cunts. * (*sorry Cath!) They actually do move people for that for real on smaller planes - not due to people being fat but to balance out the passengers if the flight isn't full. That has happened to me, but not all airlines do it... It seems to me to be totally unecessary. Last time I flew with Ryanair nobody was allowed in the front or back three rows... Surely that can't make a difference? I've only seen it on the little FlyBe prop jobs. Presumably it does make a difference, which is a bit worrying if you ask me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17634 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I'm too tall (and too fat) to get into a brace position. If I'm ever on a plane heading for the Earth at 200mph + and I'm told to get into the brace position I'm going to just unbuckle the seat belt, get up and run up and down the aisle screaming like a gayer instead. Much more stylish way to go, tbh. Your presence is liable to take the plane down tbh. Reminds me...I was once on this plane for a business trip from Edinburgh to Southampton and I was sat at the front, on the left hand side. The plane was quite empty and this cheeky air steward (a big gayer, of course) came up to me and said, quite loudly, and totally deadpan: "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to move to the middle of the plane. The captain's concerned about the weight distribution for take-off" I was a bit taken aback, and said: "Really?" At which point the entire cabin crew start pissing themselves laughing. Cunts. * (*sorry Cath!) They actually do move people for that for real on smaller planes - not due to people being fat but to balance out the passengers if the flight isn't full. That has happened to me, but not all airlines do it... It seems to me to be totally unecessary. Last time I flew with Ryanair nobody was allowed in the front or back three rows... Surely that can't make a difference? I've only seen it on the little FlyBe prop jobs. Presumably it does make a difference, which is a bit worrying if you ask me. Naah, it's as much for efficiency as safety I reckon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I'm too tall (and too fat) to get into a brace position. If I'm ever on a plane heading for the Earth at 200mph + and I'm told to get into the brace position I'm going to just unbuckle the seat belt, get up and run up and down the aisle screaming like a gayer instead. Much more stylish way to go, tbh. Your presence is liable to take the plane down tbh. Reminds me...I was once on this plane for a business trip from Edinburgh to Southampton and I was sat at the front, on the left hand side. The plane was quite empty and this cheeky air steward (a big gayer, of course) came up to me and said, quite loudly, and totally deadpan: "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to move to the middle of the plane. The captain's concerned about the weight distribution for take-off" I was a bit taken aback, and said: "Really?" At which point the entire cabin crew start pissing themselves laughing. Cunts. * (*sorry Cath!) They actually do move people for that for real on smaller planes - not due to people being fat but to balance out the passengers if the flight isn't full. That has happened to me, but not all airlines do it... It seems to me to be totally unecessary. Last time I flew with Ryanair nobody was allowed in the front or back three rows... Surely that can't make a difference? I've only seen it on the little FlyBe prop jobs. Presumably it does make a difference, which is a bit worrying if you ask me. Naah, it's as much for efficiency as safety I reckon. That's ok then. I had a scary take-off on Monday btw I'll tell you about it at the piss-up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 13991 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Yeah, Ryanair seem to make a habit of it. No idea why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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