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Crap, cringeworthy


bobbyshinton
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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

· Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a Rest.

· Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all Right now.

· The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

· The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

· To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

· When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

· The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

· A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

· A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

·

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

· We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

· When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

· The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

· The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

· The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

· If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

· A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

·

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

· A will is a dead giveaway.

· Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

· A backward poet writes inverse.

· In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

· A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

· If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

· With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

· Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

· When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

· The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

· A grenade which fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

· You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

·

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

· He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

· A calendar's days are numbered.

· A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

· A boiled egg is hard to beat.

· He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

· A plateau is a high form of flattery.

· Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

·

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

· If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

· When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

· Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to dough basis.

· Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

· Acupuncture: a jab well done.

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