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Wiping your arse


Holden McGroin
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The toilet seat is actually designed to sit while wiping. The contours stretch the cheeks apart so maximum wipage can be achieved. Those who stand push their cheeks together causing aditional clagnuts. So standers equals doity bastards.

 

You use your free hand to keep them cheeks apart man.

 

Do you sitters need one hand free to wank while you wipe or something?

 

Deviants.

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The toilet seat is actually designed to sit while wiping. The contours stretch the cheeks apart so maximum wipage can be achieved. Those who stand push their cheeks together causing aditional clagnuts. So standers equals doity bastards.

 

You use your free hand to keep them cheeks apart man.

 

Do you sitters need one hand free to wank while you wipe or something?

 

Deviants.

 

How the fucking hell in gods name do you keep 2 cheeks apart with 1 hand?

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The toilet seat is actually designed to sit while wiping. The contours stretch the cheeks apart so maximum wipage can be achieved. Those who stand push their cheeks together causing aditional clagnuts. So standers equals doity bastards.

 

You use your free hand to keep them cheeks apart man.

 

Do you sitters need one hand free to wank while you wipe or something?

 

Deviants.

 

How the fucking hell in gods name do you keep 2 cheeks apart with 1 hand?

 

Have you never seen how a wedge works man????

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The toilet seat is actually designed to sit while wiping. The contours stretch the cheeks apart so maximum wipage can be achieved. Those who stand push their cheeks together causing aditional clagnuts. So standers equals doity bastards.

 

You use your free hand to keep them cheeks apart man.

 

Do you sitters need one hand free to wank while you wipe or something?

 

Deviants.

 

How the fucking hell in gods name do you keep 2 cheeks apart with 1 hand?

 

You gently part one away from the other, like pulling a record back.

 

You don't have to goatse.cx the fucker.

Edited by Happy Face
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Thought about trying a sit wipe earlier...Just burst out laughing at the laudicrosity of it. :up:

 

Another thing. The sitters can't be doing much valued middle finger work from the sitting position. :lol:

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The toilet seat is actually designed to sit while wiping. The contours stretch the cheeks apart so maximum wipage can be achieved. Those who stand push their cheeks together causing aditional clagnuts. So standers equals doity bastards.

 

You use your free hand to keep them cheeks apart man.

 

Do you sitters need one hand free to wank while you wipe or something?

 

Deviants.

 

How the fucking hell in gods name do you keep 2 cheeks apart with 1 hand?

 

You gently part one away from the other, like pulling a record pack.

 

You don't have to goatse.cx the fucker.

 

So youve got 1 cheek spread and the other cheek normal?

 

May as well shit on the floor and then sit in it tbh.

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The toilet seat is actually designed to sit while wiping. The contours stretch the cheeks apart so maximum wipage can be achieved. Those who stand push their cheeks together causing aditional clagnuts. So standers equals doity bastards.

 

You use your free hand to keep them cheeks apart man.

 

Do you sitters need one hand free to wank while you wipe or something?

 

Deviants.

 

How the fucking hell in gods name do you keep 2 cheeks apart with 1 hand?

 

You gently part one away from the other, like pulling a record pack.

 

You don't have to goatse.cx the fucker.

 

So youve got 1 cheek spread and the other cheek normal?

 

May as well shit on the floor and then sit in it tbh.

 

Using the spare hand allows greater cheek dexterity when wiping, you can increase or decrease the gap at your leisure to increase coverage & cleanliness with every wipe.

 

You on the other hand, sit there, relying on the rim to keep you splayed with no regard to the kind of wipe the movement you passed requires.

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The toilet seat is actually designed to sit while wiping. The contours stretch the cheeks apart so maximum wipage can be achieved. Those who stand push their cheeks together causing aditional clagnuts. So standers equals doity bastards.

 

You use your free hand to keep them cheeks apart man.

 

Do you sitters need one hand free to wank while you wipe or something?

 

Deviants.

 

How the fucking hell in gods name do you keep 2 cheeks apart with 1 hand?

 

You gently part one away from the other, like pulling a record pack.

 

You don't have to goatse.cx the fucker.

 

So youve got 1 cheek spread and the other cheek normal?

 

May as well shit on the floor and then sit in it tbh.

 

Using the spare hand allows greater cheek dexterity when wiping, you can increase or decrease the gap at your leisure to increase coverage & cleanliness with every wipe.

 

You on the other hand, sit there, relying on the rim to keep you splayed with no regard to the kind of wipe the movement you passed requires.

 

I'd say it's akin to flying blind.

 

Little known fact: Newton discovered gravity primarily due to his habit of standing to wipe. :up:

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The toilet seat is actually designed to sit while wiping. The contours stretch the cheeks apart so maximum wipage can be achieved. Those who stand push their cheeks together causing aditional clagnuts. So standers equals doity bastards.

 

You use your free hand to keep them cheeks apart man.

 

Do you sitters need one hand free to wank while you wipe or something?

 

Deviants.

 

How the fucking hell in gods name do you keep 2 cheeks apart with 1 hand?

 

You gently part one away from the other, like pulling a record pack.

 

You don't have to goatse.cx the fucker.

 

So youve got 1 cheek spread and the other cheek normal?

 

May as well shit on the floor and then sit in it tbh.

 

Using the spare hand allows greater cheek dexterity when wiping, you can increase or decrease the gap at your leisure to increase coverage & cleanliness with every wipe.

 

You on the other hand, sit there, relying on the rim to keep you splayed with no regard to the kind of wipe the movement you passed requires.

 

I'd say it's akin to flying blind.

 

Little known fact: Newton discovered gravity primarily due to his habit of standing to wipe. :up:

 

He heard the 'plop', formulated his hypothesis based on the shit's drop then jumped up onto his feet and shouted something like "Eureka!".

 

 

...then wiped his arse.

Edited by Happy Face
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He heard the 'plop', formulated his hypothesis based on the shit's drop then jumped up onto his feet and shouted something like "Eureka!".

 

 

...then wiped his arse.

 

 

:up:

 

"Eureka" was Archimedes fyi. :lol:

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He heard the 'plop', formulated his hypothesis based on the shit's drop then jumped up onto his feet and shouted something like "Eureka!".

 

 

...then wiped his arse.

 

 

:up:

 

"Eureka" was Archimedes fyi. :lol:

 

I know.

 

That's why I said 'something like'.

 

:lol:

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He heard the 'plop', formulated his hypothesis based on the shit's drop then jumped up onto his feet and shouted something like "Eureka!".

 

 

...then wiped his arse.

 

 

:lol:

 

"Eureka" was Archimedes fyi. ;)

 

 

Well I suppose :lol: ing in the bath could have a similar effect, it would have to be quite a big one though. :up:

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He heard the 'plop', formulated his hypothesis based on the shit's drop then jumped up onto his feet and shouted something like "Eureka!".

 

 

...then wiped his arse.

 

 

:up:

 

"Eureka" was Archimedes fyi. :lol:

 

 

Eureka (Greek "I have found it") is an exclamation used as an interjection to celebrate a discovery.

 

Archimedes was clearly a sitter and had discovered the best way to wipe.

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He heard the 'plop', formulated his hypothesis based on the shit's drop then jumped up onto his feet and shouted something like "Eureka!".

 

 

...then wiped his arse.

 

 

:lol:

 

"Eureka" was Archimedes fyi. ;)

 

 

Well I suppose :lol: ing in the bath could have a similar effect, it would have to be quite a big one though. :up:

What difference would the size of the bath have?

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He heard the 'plop', formulated his hypothesis based on the shit's drop then jumped up onto his feet and shouted something like "Eureka!".

 

 

...then wiped his arse.

 

 

:up:

 

"Eureka" was Archimedes fyi. :lol:

 

 

Eureka (Greek "I have found it") is an exclamation used as an interjection to celebrate a discovery.

 

Archimedes was clearly a sitter and had discovered the best way to wipe.

 

Clearly having a bath because he still felt dirty after sitting to wipe his arse all the time!

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I think I saw Craig with one of those at the last piss up-coming back from the bog at Strada. Put it down next to his dessert spoon if you please. I didn't have a fucking clue what it was at the time like, naturally.

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He heard the 'plop', formulated his hypothesis based on the shit's drop then jumped up onto his feet and shouted something like "Eureka!".

 

 

...then wiped his arse.

 

 

:lol:

 

"Eureka" was Archimedes fyi. :D

 

 

Well I suppose :lol: ing in the bath could have a similar effect, it would have to be quite a big one though. :up:

What difference would the size of the bath have?

 

The opposite of the size of the ;) in noticeable displacement. :razz: And a very big bath with a very small :D might just have given rise to the legend of the terror from the deep. :D

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The sitters must be using one of these i reckon, only feasible explanation for it.

 

http://www.dynamic-living.com/product/bott...-tissue-holder/

 

:lol:

 

www.solutionstoproblemsthatdontexist.com

 

 

Comes with it's own travel pouch as well. Can just see Gemmil carrying it on his belt like an additional mobile phone.

 

The Bottom Buddy™ is 11" long and weighs 4 ounces. Travels easily in its own travel pouch.

 

Oo er

 

Finally, a personal hygiene toiletry aid to help maintain your privacy in the bathroom!

 

:up:

 

A shitty stick to beat off strangers?

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I think I saw Craig with one of those at the last piss up-coming back from the bog at Strada. Put it down next to his dessert spoon if you please. I didn't have a fucking clue what it was at the time like, naturally.

 

I wouldn't be suprised after reading the reviews....

 

"Bottom Buddy™ saved my self esteem! I had gained weight after my knee surgery and found it impossible to reach where I needed to. I keep one in my desk at work and can feel comfortable and confident."

 

:up:

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