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Wiping your arse


Holden McGroin
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But, when you go back n forth, you are using one half of the paper to do one bit and the other half of the paper to do the other bit. So, in effect, you do several front to back wipes one one half of the paper and several back to front wipes with the other half. Its quite an art actually :razz: What you dont do, is smear wiped shite back over the other half. As I say, so long as the end result is a clean arse, Im not that fussed (and which way makes no odds for a bloke surely?).

 

Point is, sitting is the way. I dont see how when standing you can get enough arse exposure to ensure complete cleanliness?

 

Sitting or standing, I don't see how your arse can get clean when you're rubbing faeces off and then back on, over and over.

 

I can't believe we've found a sub-strata even lower than sit down back to front wipers.

 

:yes because you dont man

 

when you go back n forth, you are using one half of the paper to do one bit and the other half of the paper to do the other bit.

 

Your 4-6 ply paper is scrunched up, not into a teeny ball but into something roughly 1 ply in length. This is positioned "roughly" central under your arse. Now, press, then move towards your back. then you angle this so that that one half of shitty paper is lifted and the other half pressed, you now wipe the other way. After this there is some rotation in there (cant frigging think now and I cant test at the moment, not due another shite until tomorrow :) ), but anyway, you repeat this process. At no point is shit smeared back over your arse. :D

 

Sounds like icing a cake blinfolded. Why risk it?

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Years of practice. But, like I keep saying, I dont think there is a "right" way to wipe your arse so long as its ends up clean. Same as washing your face or armpits, there is no "right way". I think there is more risk standing & your butt cheeks closing around any residue.

 

Icing a cake blindfolded, maybe that should be my next challenge..... Sitting down of course :yes

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I only ever use my right hand,

 

weird cos I can toss the boss with both.

Ah, but surely one is better than the other?

 

Wait, I feel another thread coming on... in a manner of speaking

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  • 2 years later...

Just back from a friend's house. Was desperate to "offload some extra baggage" in the lavatory but was horrified to discover an empty bogroll tube, and no more in the vanity cupboard. What would you do in this "shituation"?

 

On this occasion I was fortunate that it came out in a one-r and as smoothly as if my ringpiece had been coated with WD40. I was therefore confident that there would be no residue and consequently no need to wipe. But I was lucky, got away with it this time.

 

Anyone else want to share any similar experiences?

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Just back from a friend's house. Was desperate to "offload some extra baggage" in the lavatory but was horrified to discover an empty bogroll tube, and no more in the vanity cupboard. What would you do in this "shituation"?

 

On this occasion I was fortunate that it came out in a one-r and as smoothly as if my ringpiece had been coated with WD40. I was therefore confident that there would be no residue and consequently no need to wipe. But I was lucky, got away with it this time.

 

Anyone else want to share any similar experiences?

Morning skids tomorrow , like.

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Anyone else want to share any similar experiences?

 

Not really.. no :D

 

We all know you need a little extra assistance.

 

Not a time nor thread to be mocking people with disabilities.

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Just back from a friend's house. Was desperate to "offload some extra baggage" in the lavatory but was horrified to discover an empty bogroll tube, and no more in the vanity cupboard. What would you do in this "shituation"?

 

On this occasion I was fortunate that it came out in a one-r and as smoothly as if my ringpiece had been coated with WD40. I was therefore confident that there would be no residue and consequently no need to wipe. But I was lucky, got away with it this time.

 

Anyone else want to share any similar experiences?

 

I stayed round at a friends house after a Mexican and in the morning was keeping farts in while around her parents, I finally managed to get to the bog after her friends had finished applying make-up and showering and all that, when I sat down my arse exploded like a George Bush Shock and Awe attack on Kabul. I stayed there for what felt like an hour, when I wiped it was like dragging velcro across my bell end. When I checked the bowl it was like looking at Jackson Pollock in progress...

 

I did as best I could with the bog-brush, I left it looking dappled rather than blotched, but I still felt like a pooligan and exited asap...

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Its like the final stages before toilet training is complete. I know that now I have a bairn. The last stage is teaching them the lift and wipe.

Edited by JawD
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Mammy, Finished!!

*bends over*

:D

 

Thats the stage my eldest is at. I take no pleasure at all. Cant leave him atm so I have to sit on the floor while he has a dump. Then I wipe for him and we both wash hands etc.

 

Not one of the things on my "things to do with my sons" list....

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Well we all know where Cheryl stands

 

"Cos I came here to shite

Im gonna put up my hands and stand up, stand up"

 

 

Radiohead however are split on the subject....

 

"we can wipe you out (sit down, stand up)

we can wipe you out anytime (sit down, stand up)."

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Dead or Alive though are clearly sitters :

 

You got me switching and bitching- everywhere!

First I get the feeling, and then I just can't feel it where it is

I see you but I can't touch you, move on up 'because I can't feel you

Sit on it sit on it sit on it

 

:D

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