Dr Gloom 19720 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 doesn't the front to back action involve arching your arse cheek off the toilet seat. seems a bit of a chore when front to back involves minimal movement and a nice clean gentleman's area if performed correctly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19720 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 So you rub your hand over your ball sack and if it leaves shit on your fingers then what? You wipe your balls clean with toilet paper and then have to wash the shit from your hands? It's a test I never want to have to perform. Disgusting behaviour. this would never happen to a sitter. this is notion is so depraved only a stander could have contemplated it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigWalrus 0 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 I just had a shit that left my hoop, after a single wipe, completely spotless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26142 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 this would never happen to a sitter. this is notion is so depraved only a stander could have contemplated it. I converted a while back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruler of Planet Houston 1 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 So you rub your hand over your ball sack and if it leaves shit on your fingers then what? You wipe your balls clean with toilet paper and then have to wash the shit from your hands? It's a test I never want to have to perform. Disgusting behaviour. This is pure stander talk and proof of my point. The stander doesn't have enough control to wipe his arse sitting down without plunging his fist round the u-bend. If trying back to front he carries the wiping motion on until it reaches his belly button. It's all about control which the relaxed, calm sitter has a lot of. The whole point of the wipe isn't to spread until it thins out, it's to remove much like you would remove the ice cream from a tub with a scoop. You scrape along so far then arc it out. It sounds to me like the front to back bunch support their shitball argument because they believe the correct way to wipe is to start at balls with clean cloth, then start scraping towards hole, passing the hole thusly smearing the soil up their crack towards their lower spine and only stop once the skid has thinned out enough to not show a mark on the towel visible to the naked eye. I would say the back to front (sitter only of course) will have a clean crack from spine to shaft whereas the front to back (sitter only, as a stander will just look like the inside of a blender) wiper will have a perfectly clean road from scrotum to 5mm distance from the hole and then a thick streak which narrows and gains a more fleshy tone all the way up to the coccyx. And I would wager there is probably a little dollop around the coccyx area where the multi stroke has formed a build up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 6766 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Surely post of the year. Well said. Bravo. I also agree that having now once and for all put the standees to shame, there is indeed mileage in paper folding / scrumpling / sheetage usage as well as the various motions of the wipe and inspection routines of the soiled paper. The only ever present danger that remains common for sitters (normal folks) or standers (dirty fuckers) is the brown ballerina. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26142 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 This is pure stander talk and proof of my point. The stander doesn't have enough control to wipe his arse sitting down without plunging his fist round the u-bend. If trying back to front he carries the wiping motion on until it reaches his belly button. It's all about control which the relaxed, calm sitter has a lot of. The whole point of the wipe isn't to spread until it thins out, it's to remove much like you would remove the ice cream from a tub with a scoop. You scrape along so far then arc it out. It sounds to me like the front to back bunch support their shitball argument because they believe the correct way to wipe is to start at balls with clean cloth, then start scraping towards hole, passing the hole thusly smearing the soil up their crack towards their lower spine and only stop once the skid has thinned out enough to not show a mark on the towel visible to the naked eye. I would say the back to front (sitter only of course) will have a clean crack from spine to shaft whereas the front to back (sitter only, as a stander will just look like the inside of a blender) wiper will have a perfectly clean road from scrotum to 5mm distance from the hole and then a thick streak which narrows and gains a more fleshy tone all the way up to the coccyx. And I would wager there is probably a little dollop around the coccyx area where the multi stroke has formed a build up. Once again, I am a sitter. Just one that doesn't like shit covered balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruler of Planet Houston 1 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) ok. I just stripped and squatted into seating position, then using thumb and forefinger I measured the distance between hole and dangling sack. It was around 5-6 inches. Now how the fuck can people not wipe without straying 5 inches from the target? Women understandably should go front to back - it's just too close Edited March 6, 2013 by Ruler of Planet Houston Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19720 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 ok. I just stripped and squatted into seating position, then using thumb and forefinger I measured the distance between hole and dangling sack. It was around 5-6 inches. Now how the fuck can people not wipe without straying 5 inches from the target? Women understandably should go front to back - it's just too close i have never managed to spread shit to sack in my 30 odd years of wiping my own arse. not even after a night on the beers and curry when there's a runny treat down there, asking to be spread about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6432 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 This thread should form part of any future Toontastic induction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 It's not that you can't keep control of the toilet paper, but the momentum of the wipe could flick specks of shit ballwards. I've just made a deposit, when it came to wiping I made a tentative B-F approach but abandoned it on grounds of safety, completing the procedure F-B as standard. I then revisited B-F with the insurance of cleanliness. My main concern is that despite being not very hairy at all, I could easily propell flecks into the hairs that precede my balls by an inch or two. plus the back of my wrist is perilously close to the toilet rim. It just doesn't make sense to go B-F. The whole way your body is curved makes your arsehole the apex of a triangle; therefore the clearest 'exit' path is backwards. It's simply counter intuitive to go the otherway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 I just stripped and squatted into seating position, then using thumb and forefinger I measured the distance between hole and dangling sack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruler of Planet Houston 1 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 It's not that you can't keep control of the toilet paper, but the momentum of the wipe could flick specks of shit ballwards. I've just made a deposit, when it came to wiping I made a tentative B-F approach but abandoned it on grounds of safety, completing the procedure F-B as standard. I then revisited B-F with the insurance of cleanliness. My main concern is that despite being not very hairy at all, I could easily propell flecks into the hairs that precede my balls by an inch or two. plus the back of my wrist is perilously close to the toilet rim. It just doesn't make sense to go B-F. The whole way your body is curved makes your arsehole the apex of a triangle; therefore the clearest 'exit' path is backwards. It's simply counter intuitive to go the otherway. There's your problem right there! When going back to front it doesn't mean you have to go in from the front between your legs and pull in a raking motion. You still take the civilised route of going round the back so you aren't pulling/raking or pushing. You are merely wiping gently but thoroughly. If you spray flecks at a 5inch throw then you are either doing the very uncivilised machine gun approach making several rapid wipes with the same (soiled after first) piece of cloth, or you have such bad coordination that you get your finger caught in your hoop causing a sudden catapult effect. Bad form! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26590 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Straying off topic slightly but I once had the pleasure of seeing the driver of our car to an away game in London, (his first time with us), come out of trap 1 in the services we stopped in on the way down and open the door so we could see his artwork. I've no idea whether he wiped back to front or front to back, what I do know is that he must have been brewing one up for a while as the 'N U F C' letters he smeared on the wall with his rancid smelling turd went from wall to wall of the cubicle and was a foot high. And I was sat next to him as well! His nickname was 'scruffy fingers' for a different reason or so we thought before we got to the service station. He was a dirty bastard, like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38535 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 This thread should form part of any future Toontastic induction. With accompanying photo- " I am not Paul Winnit " ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38535 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 His nickname was 'scruffy fingers' for a different reason or so we thought before we got to the service station. He was a dirty bastard, like. What other reason could there be ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Can I just throw wet wipes/baby wipes/moist toilet tissue into the mix here? Thus ensuring total spotlessness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CleeToonFan 1 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 I sit down, do B-F. Then stand up and do F-B. Follow me, for I am the chosen one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Currently on the toilet, after pub night and contemplating various options, ie standing to wipe or wiping back to front. May even back up with pictures! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Had to deal with a horrible extra habanero salsa burrito monster shite on saturday. Was in a cocktail bar no less. Bog 2/3 full of slurry and bog roll. Even worse, some desperate lass had come into the gents' because she couldn't wait for the long ladies' line and pushed straight into the cubicle as I was stepping out. I was pissed as a fart so stood outside the door and said 'I would've given it 5 minutes, love'. She told me to fuck off. Fuck sake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Can I just throw wet wipes/baby wipes/moist toilet tissue into the mix here? Thus ensuring total spotlessness. Spot on. It's quite surprising what a wet wipe can bring to the party. (Think CSI when they spray that stuff and the use a special light to find blood). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26590 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 What other reason could there be ? You know when you went to town and hoyed a shirt and pants on in case you went clubbing? He would do it too, hoy on his blue stratos aftershave but his fingers were always mancy. Think he was a roofer plus a heavy smoker. (apart from being a Rolf Harris, his hand a palette, his fingers his painting brush and his shit his blob of paint). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38535 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Had to deal with a horrible extra habanero salsa burrito monster shite on saturday. Was in a cocktail bar no less. Bog 2/3 full of slurry and bog roll. Even worse, some desperate lass had come into the gents' because she couldn't wait for the long ladies' line and pushed straight into the cubicle as I was stepping out. I was pissed as a fart so stood outside the door and said 'I would've given it 5 minutes, love'. She told me to fuck off. Fuck sake. You know when you went to town and hoyed a shirt and pants on in case you went clubbing? He would do it too, hoy on his blue stratos aftershave but his fingers were always mancy. Think he was a roofer plus a heavy smoker. (apart from being a Rolf Harris, his hand a palette, his fingers his painting brush and his shit his blob of paint). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12733 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Can I just throw wet wipes/baby wipes/moist toilet tissue into the mix here? Thus ensuring total spotlessness. Baby wipes knacker the pipes. Or at least, that's what I blamed it on when ours blocked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJS 3956 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Had ago a little while ago and its physically impossible for me to reach my arsehole sitting down. I honesty can't see how you do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now