Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
wonitfivex

hahaha

Recommended Posts

how on lads, don't bite.

 

why type in mad talk

how on lads whats that all about?

 

Huzzah, he gets the quote thing right.

 

Or did he.,...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?

A burglar.

 

What do you call a Scouse woman in a white shell-suit?

The bride.

 

What do you call a Scouser in a suit?

The accused.

 

Man walks into a shop in Liverpool:

Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife?

Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you?

 

Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?

Because if it walked it would be mugged.

 

What do you say to a Scouser with a job?

Big Mac please.

 

Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty scousers showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous from the group.

A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone."

"What? All of the Scousers are gone?" asked God.

"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"

What's long, scouse, and goes around corners?

The Dole queue.

What do you get if you come across a scouser buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.

One day a scouser dies so before he goes to heaven he arrives at the gates of St Peters.

"Age?" Peter asks.

"24" the little scouser replied.

"Where did you live?"

"Well, um, Liverpool"

"Were you blue or were you red" asked St. Peter.

"Red till I died" replied the scouser.

"Sorry no scousers allowed into heaven they are all robbing little twats!"

"But but I have done good things."

"Like what?"

"Well, last week I gave a tenner to the homeless the week before that I gave a tenner to oxfam and the day I died I gave a tenner to the heart foundation!"

"Well I will see what I can do I will go and explain the situation to God."

After half an hour out comes St. Peter followed by god who is wearing a united shirt.

"Right I heard what you have done with all the good causes what with giving away thirty quid to charity and I have come up with a solution" God said.

"What is it?" asked the scouser.

"Well, here is your thirty quid now piss off!"

 

 

 

 

 

copyandpastetastic

Edited by paddy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

and

 

 

Q - Why are Scousers like laxatives?

A - Because they irritate the shit out of you.

 

 

scouse jokes...................DONE

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?

A burglar.

 

What do you call a Scouse woman in a white shell-suit?

The bride.

 

What do you call a Scouser in a suit?

The accused.

 

Man walks into a shop in Liverpool:

Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife?

Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you?

 

Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?

Because if it walked it would be mugged.

 

What do you say to a Scouser with a job?

Big Mac please.

 

Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty scousers showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous from the group.

A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone."

"What? All of the Scousers are gone?" asked God.

"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"

What's long, scouse, and goes around corners?

The Dole queue.

What do you get if you come across a scouser buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.

One day a scouser dies so before he goes to heaven he arrives at the gates of St Peters.

"Age?" Peter asks.

"24" the little scouser replied.

"Where did you live?"

"Well, um, Liverpool"

"Were you blue or were you red" asked St. Peter.

"Red till I died" replied the scouser.

"Sorry no scousers allowed into heaven they are all robbing little twats!"

"But but I have done good things."

"Like what?"

"Well, last week I gave a tenner to the homeless the week before that I gave a tenner to oxfam and the day I died I gave a tenner to the heart foundation!"

"Well I will see what I can do I will go and explain the situation to God."

After half an hour out comes St. Peter followed by god who is wearing a united shirt.

"Right I heard what you have done with all the good causes what with giving away thirty quid to charity and I have come up with a solution" God said.

"What is it?" asked the scouser.

"Well, here is your thirty quid now piss off!"

 

 

there boss them lad and original

very good and dead witty you should be on telly

 

fuck knows how we are capital of culture instead of picturesque newcastle (hows the sheep)

Edited by wonitfivex

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
there boss them lad and original

very good and dead witty you should be on telly

 

fuck knows how we are capital of culture instead of picturesque newcastle

 

I suspect your eloquence wasn't a deciding factor

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
there boss them lad and original

very good and dead witty you should be on telly

 

fuck knows how we are capital of culture instead of picturesque newcastle

 

i can see why your not capital of quotes in forums though :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FFS man woman man I thought ye had cracked it. Use the reply button man!

 

thanks

 

anyway anyone goin to man u game

im off to the pride of the north east boro (only messing i know its sunderland)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FFS man woman man I thought ye had cracked it. Use the reply button man!

 

thanks

 

anyway anyone goin to man u game

im off to the pride of the north east boro (only messing i know its sunderland)

 

Kept your ticket off last season so you can use it again this season? :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FFS man woman man I thought ye had cracked it. Use the reply button man!

 

thanks

 

anyway anyone goin to man u game

im off to the pride of the north east boro (only messing i know its sunderland)

 

Kept your ticket off last season so you can use it again this season? :lol:

 

no ive got ticket only £24

and their turnstyle stewards are not like newcastles

you know shit

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

Recent tweets

Toontastic Facebook

Donate to Toontastic

Keeping the lights on since... well ages ago
TT-Staff


×