Smeeagain (some funnies)

[bobbyshinton 59]

family fortunes answers

Something you mount: "A mountain.."

 

Something you lose when you get older: "Your purse.."

 

A sport which involves throwing something: "Tennis.."

 

A type of bean: "Lesbian.." (This and the one above were the product of Brian Dowling's fertile imagination, on a celebrity edition of the show, in which the 'purse' answer also arose.)

 

Something you would play with in the bath: "A bazooka.."

 

Someone you wouldn't swear in front of: "Yourself.."

 

A country where Arabic is spoken: "Nigeria.."

 

Someone or something whose existence has never been proven: "Hitler.."

 

A number you might have to memorise: "Seven.."

 

Something that makes you close your eyes: "Dark.."

 

Something that comes in pairs: "Rabbits.."

 

A way of toasting someone: "Over a fire.."

 

A Boy's name beginning with the letter J: "Gerald.."

 

An instrument you can play while walking in the street: "A cello.."

 

A type of oil: "Sewing-machine oil.."

 

A word beginning with Z: "Xylophone.."

 

A slang word for a girl: "Slag.."

 

An animal with horns: "A bee..."

 

A medieval weapon: "Hand-grenade.."

 

Something made of wool: "A sheep.."

 

Something a bridegroom might wear: "A dress.."

 

Someone you wouldn't expect to see in a strip club: "Animals.."

 

An animal with a long tail: "A rabbit.."

 

Something a train-spotter would have in his pocket: "A magnifying glass.."

 

Something you put out for the birds: "Worms.."

 

A way to prevent snoring: "Put a pillow over his face.."

 

A word used to describe a very hot day: "A very hot day.."

 

A song from 'The Sound Of Music': "Dancing Queen.."

(Also from the same family: "I wake up each morning..", "The skies are blue..", and "Over the hills and far away..")

 

Someone who works early hours: "A burglar.."

 

Something made to be wheeled around: "A hammer.."

 

A reason for kneeling: "To be beheaded.."

 

A nickname for a slim person: "Slimmy.."

 

A measurement of liquid: "Paint.."

 

Something that's nice to wear next to your skin: "Pants.."

 

A famous Dick: "Carrot.."

 

A wild animal that's native to Britain: "A bear.."

 

Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: "Feeds your pets.."

 

Something that comes in 7's: "Fingers.."

 

A vocalist known by only one name: "Michael Jackson.."

 

A yellow fruit: "Orange.."

 

An animal beginning with B: "Bullfrog.."

 

Something associated with Liverpool: "The Yellow Brick Road.."

 

A boy mentioned in a nursery rhyme: "Little Red Riding Hood.."

 

Something associated with Queen Victoria: "Her husbands.."

 

Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: "Your legs.."

 

A place you would keep a pen: "A zoo.."

 

Something you beat: "An apple.."

 

Something associated with rain: "Water.."

 

An animal that lives in the English countryside: "A lion.."

 

Something you make into a ball: "Eggs.."

 

A game that uses a black ball: "Darts.."

 

A popular TV soap: "Dove.."

 

Other than 'carrier', a type of bag: "Horse.."

 

Something you might find in a garage: "a grand piano.."

 

Something a Frenchman would say: "On Garde.."

 

A fast animal: "A hippo.."

 

Something you keep in the garden: "A cat.."

 

Something that gives you goosebumps: "Mumps.."

 

A character from Little Red Riding Hood: "Hansel and Gretel.."

 

Something that has a shell: "Batman.."

 

Any dance apart from the waltz: "The ball dance.."

 

Something a policeman might say: "Spread 'em.."

 

Something that frightens Dracula: "The King of the Vampires.."

 

A non-living object with legs: "A plant.."

 

A sign of the Zodiac: "April.."

 

An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: "Andy Pandy.."

 

A mode of transport that you can walk in: "Your shoes.."

 

An animal with big ears: "A bear.."

 

Something you do on water: "Wallpaper.."

 

A musical instrument you can play in the bath: "A drum kit.."

 

Something associated with Egypt: "Cigars.."

 

A part of your body you only have one of: "Your big toe.."

 

Something you pull: "A potato.."

 

An animal used as a form of transport: "A turtle.."

 

A famous Phil or Philip: "Phil Johnson.."

 

A habit people try to give up: "Spitting.."

 

A Thunderbirds character: "Doctor Spock.."

 

Another TV gameshow with the word 'family' in the title: "The Generation Game.."

 

A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro.."

 

Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

 

Something with a red light on it: "a Dalek.."

 

Something that makes you scream: "A squirrel.."

 

A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: "Chips.."

 

A type of record: "A floppy disk.."

 

A type of large cat: "Persian.."

 

A job that a working dog does: "A slave.."

 

Something people might be allergic to: "Skiing.."

 

An occupation where you need a torch: "A burglar.."

 

A well known superstition: "Running in front of a car.."

 

Something you use a microchip in: "A fish-fryer.."

 

A dangerous race: "The Arabs.."

 

A game played in the dark: "Charades.."

 

Some famous brothers: "Bonnie and Clyde.."

 

A jacket potato topping: "Jam.."

 

A part of the body you have more than two of: "Arms.."

 

Something you find on a fire engine: "Coal.."

 

A famous royal: "Mail.."

 

Something you do before going to bed: "Sleep.."

 

An item of clothing worn by the Three Muskateers: "A horse.."

 

An animal you see at the zoo: "Dog.."

 

Something you might do in a power cut: "Read a book.."

 

A famous Parisian landmark: "Hawaii.."

 

One of Harry Enfield's characters: "Sooty.."

 

A famous Irishman: "Disraeli.."

 

The first place detectives look for fingerprints: "The floor.."

 

Something you associate with the sea: "A coffin.."

 

A famous Arthur: "Shakespeare.."

 

A type of cut: "Skull.."

 

A weapon in the game of Cluedo: "Dice.."

 

Something people take to the beach: "Turkey.."

 

A reason someone digs a hole in the road: "Grave digger.."

 

An ingredient in chicken stuffing: "Chicken.."

 

Something a girl should know about a man before marrying him: "His name.."

 

A bird with a long neck: "A blackbird.."

 

A bird with a long neck (2): "Naomi Campbell.."

 

An item of clothing a woman might borrow from a man: "Underpants.."

 

Something taken from a hotel as a souvenir: "The lamps.."

 

Something you keep in a garden shed: "A gardener.."

 

A song with moon in the title: "Blue Suede Moon.."

 

A famous cowboy: "Buck Rogers.."

 

A famous Wild-West character: "Wild Bill Eacock.."

 

Something you'd associate with the three bears: "Red Riding Hood.."

 

Fruit used in fruit salad: "Cucumber.."

 

Something you wear on the beach: "A deckchair.."

 

A method of cooking fish: "Cod.."

 

Something you borrow from your partner: "Shoes.."

 

A part of the body beginning with N: "Knee.."

 

A famous Scotsman: "Vinnie Jones.."

 

A famous Scotsman (2): "Jock.."

 

Something red: "My cardigan.."

 

A kind of ache: "Fillet-o-fish.."

 

Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

 

Something with a hole in it: "A window.."

 

Something you do in the bathroom: "Decorate.."

 

Something you put on walls: "Roofs.."

 

A domestic animal: "A leopard.."

 

Something that floats in the bath: "Water.."

 

Something in the garden that's green: "The shed.."

 

Something a blind man might use: "A sword.."

 

The last thing you take off before going to bed: "Your feet.."

 

Something that flies without an engine: "A bicycle with wings.."

[Bombadil 0]

Where are the funnies?