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Fat waste of space, tactically inept cabbage head Steve Bruce sacked by Newcastle United


bobbyshinton
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Sweeper 1

There’s a lot to unpack here. First, we have the flags of Israel and the Kingdom of Yugoslavia, both of which are rendered direct from Windows 95-era clip-art and appear to be peeling at the edges. We can go ahead and presume the design brief was to make them flutter like flags do, but Bruce appears to have hired the one graphic designer in Huddersfield who has never witnessed an object in motion.

Sweeper 2

I’m also going to guess they couldn’t nail down image rights for Steve Bruce’s deputy here, which is why they settled on just disguising him via the sort of close-crop perm and drawn-on moustache popular among people who wear scouse drag on stag weekends.

Sweeper 3

And here, at last, is Old Sam the janitor himself, broom in hand. Fun fact: although never explicitly stated in the text, this picture of Sam posits him as the punny “Sweeper”. You’d think the title would be a reference to a player in the free-roaming defensive position mastered by the likes of Franz Beckenbauer or Franco Baresi, but that would be embarrassingly literal, you philistine. 

No such position, player or character is ever referenced in the entire text. In fairness, neither is there a moment within the text where it’s said, or even implied, that Sam is the sweeper either. I can only imagine there was originally a line in the book that made this clear, but it was subsequently left out. God help me, I’ve read the book three times and it isn’t there. This stupid pun is easily the smartest thing in the entire book, and Bruce doesn’t even state it for the record, you just get to the end of the book and realise that’s what it must have meant.

That’s not to say there aren’t loads of other smart lines in Sweeper, just check out this bit of gold from Barnes as he exercises some lightning quick math tekkers upon meeting the aforementioned janitor. 

“I started here when I was fifteen, straight from school. And now I’m sixty five. You don’t need a calculator to work that out.”

I did a quick sum.

“Fifty years. You’ve had a good spell, Sam.” 

Lines like this practically invite you to imagine Bruce typing the entire novel with his two index fingers, tongue peeking out from between his gritted teeth

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39 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

Sweeper 1

There’s a lot to unpack here. First, we have the flags of Israel and the Kingdom of Yugoslavia, both of which are rendered direct from Windows 95-era clip-art and appear to be peeling at the edges. We can go ahead and presume the design brief was to make them flutter like flags do, but Bruce appears to have hired the one graphic designer in Huddersfield who has never witnessed an object in motion.

Sweeper 2

I’m also going to guess they couldn’t nail down image rights for Steve Bruce’s deputy here, which is why they settled on just disguising him via the sort of close-crop perm and drawn-on moustache popular among people who wear scouse drag on stag weekends.

Sweeper 3

And here, at last, is Old Sam the janitor himself, broom in hand. Fun fact: although never explicitly stated in the text, this picture of Sam posits him as the punny “Sweeper”. You’d think the title would be a reference to a player in the free-roaming defensive position mastered by the likes of Franz Beckenbauer or Franco Baresi, but that would be embarrassingly literal, you philistine. 

No such position, player or character is ever referenced in the entire text. In fairness, neither is there a moment within the text where it’s said, or even implied, that Sam is the sweeper either. I can only imagine there was originally a line in the book that made this clear, but it was subsequently left out. God help me, I’ve read the book three times and it isn’t there. This stupid pun is easily the smartest thing in the entire book, and Bruce doesn’t even state it for the record, you just get to the end of the book and realise that’s what it must have meant.

That’s not to say there aren’t loads of other smart lines in Sweeper, just check out this bit of gold from Barnes as he exercises some lightning quick math tekkers upon meeting the aforementioned janitor. 

“I started here when I was fifteen, straight from school. And now I’m sixty five. You don’t need a calculator to work that out.”

I did a quick sum.

“Fifty years. You’ve had a good spell, Sam.” 

Lines like this practically invite you to imagine Bruce typing the entire novel with his two index fingers, tongue peeking out from between his gritted teeth

 

Is that real ghost writing?

 

 

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On 25/10/2021 at 06:28, Tom said:

Most managers underperforming to that level will have received far, far worse stick. 

 

The media narrative has been absolutely beyond belief, Bruce has been a shit manager for 20 years and this is probably the best treatment he’s received. 

 

 

Yet, was still getting backing from most in the media and not receiving pelters from the stands.

 

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13 hours ago, wykikitoon said:

 

 

 

I don't want to say anything about the previous staff, it's disrespectful

And by saying that he is being deliberately disrespectful (and telling the truth).

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 year later...
1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

The Ladies haven’t aged well…

mqdefault.jpg

 

I always wondered if the 56/55 above their heads was their respective ages when that photo was took.

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1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

“Lawn” :lol:

Couldn't be arsed to type "scratch of weeds in front of their static caravan".

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