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Fat waste of space, tactically inept cabbage head Steve Bruce sacked by Newcastle United


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Luke Edwards at his best was him saying the separation of the PIF and the government/state was still a massive issue after the piracy issue was sorted. Then subsequently writing an article explaining why it was all about the piracy issue when the takeover went through. I get that every reporter isn’t going to have the inside track all the time. Especially after a change in regime. It’s just the way he shamelessly claims he’s ITK all the time, despite all evidence to the contrary 

Edited by Alex
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2 hours ago, ewerk said:

Clemence and Agnew gone now.

RIP the Steves.

Nice one, just puppets to Bruce.

I was not to keen on getting Howe to start with, but having heard his interviews and seen the video of his training sessions I think its a really good appointment.

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[b]'Filled with murders, kidnappings, Bosnian warlords...' - Steve Bruce's bewildering murder-mystery novels[/b]
Irish writer Seamas O’Reilly guided us through Steve Bruce’s bizarre literary career on the latest edition of Behind the Lines.

 


Before he chronicled his own life, however, Séamas did a service to the literary canon by excavating the work of one Stephen R. Bruce, better known as the current and wildly unpopular manager of Newcastle United, Steve Bruce. 

 

At  the turn of the century, just as Bruce was wading into football management, he also wrote a bewildering trilogy of murder-mystery novels, titled Striker!, Sweeper! and Defender! in which a protagonist named Steve Barnes is dragged away from his day job in football manager to solve a murder case. 

 

Séamas’ reviews of the books went viral, and their rarity has since rocketed their value, to the point where they are now (almost) as sought-after as first-edition copies of Ulysses. (Seamas found the first book for £14, and copies are now selling for around £1500.)

 

“These books were written by Steve Bruce while he was manager of Huddersfield, though ‘written’ is going to need a few inverted commas”, says Séamas on Behind the Lines.

 

“They weren’t so much ghostwritten as written by seance. But the basic thrust is Steve Bruce wrote these murder-mysteries set in a fictional version of Huddersfield called Leddersford.

 

“They contain almost no football and what football is there is execrable. They are filled with murders, kidnappings, Bosnian warlords, concentration camp guards, the SAS, Mossad, at least one case of identity theft, and at least a murder or two in each book.

 

“They are complete doggerel, the text in every book is about the size of the Hollywood sign, they are pamphlet-size and every one of them ends with a football match that is over in four pages and always finishes 4-2. That must be the most exciting score.” 

 

The books include mildly adroit wordplay – “Shannon’s office was small. On his desk was a PC. A personal computer, not a police constable.” – lofty literary allusions – “‘A pair of star-crossed lovers’, I said to Julie. She looked surprised.’That sounds clever, Steve. You have a way with words.’ ‘Not me. Old Bill Shakespeare.’” – and lengthy and bewildering digressions to the point of product placement.

 

Take this description of a car chase in the first book in the series. 

 

My car was in the place specially reserved for me as first team coach. I drive a Jaguar XJ8, 3.2, the sports version. It’s a very nice motor; 3.2 litre AJ-V8 all alloy engine. Classic colour interior theme, fluted leather seats, contrast colour keyed facia, figured walnut veneer. As good a motor as you can hope to drive. But not a car you’d choose when trying to follow a Ford saloon in a discreet manner…

 

“There’s another bit in the first book when he is being led up to the hills”, says Séamas. “One of his star players has been murdered and briefly the IRA are implicated in the murder.

 

“Two Irish characters march him up to the wetlands of a nearby, secluded part of countryside, and in the middle of that he gives this long, page-and-a-half thing about scrubs and drylands and the ancient topography of the place, and you’re reading it thinking, ‘This guy has a gun at his back!'

 

“It just screams word count.”

 

https://www.the42.ie/steve-bruce-novel-5510816-Aug2021/
 

  🤣

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Sweeper 1

There’s a lot to unpack here. First, we have the flags of Israel and the Kingdom of Yugoslavia, both of which are rendered direct from Windows 95-era clip-art and appear to be peeling at the edges. We can go ahead and presume the design brief was to make them flutter like flags do, but Bruce appears to have hired the one graphic designer in Huddersfield who has never witnessed an object in motion.

Sweeper 2

I’m also going to guess they couldn’t nail down image rights for Steve Bruce’s deputy here, which is why they settled on just disguising him via the sort of close-crop perm and drawn-on moustache popular among people who wear scouse drag on stag weekends.

Sweeper 3

And here, at last, is Old Sam the janitor himself, broom in hand. Fun fact: although never explicitly stated in the text, this picture of Sam posits him as the punny “Sweeper”. You’d think the title would be a reference to a player in the free-roaming defensive position mastered by the likes of Franz Beckenbauer or Franco Baresi, but that would be embarrassingly literal, you philistine. 

No such position, player or character is ever referenced in the entire text. In fairness, neither is there a moment within the text where it’s said, or even implied, that Sam is the sweeper either. I can only imagine there was originally a line in the book that made this clear, but it was subsequently left out. God help me, I’ve read the book three times and it isn’t there. This stupid pun is easily the smartest thing in the entire book, and Bruce doesn’t even state it for the record, you just get to the end of the book and realise that’s what it must have meant.

That’s not to say there aren’t loads of other smart lines in Sweeper, just check out this bit of gold from Barnes as he exercises some lightning quick math tekkers upon meeting the aforementioned janitor. 

“I started here when I was fifteen, straight from school. And now I’m sixty five. You don’t need a calculator to work that out.”

I did a quick sum.

“Fifty years. You’ve had a good spell, Sam.” 

Lines like this practically invite you to imagine Bruce typing the entire novel with his two index fingers, tongue peeking out from between his gritted teeth

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39 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

Sweeper 1

There’s a lot to unpack here. First, we have the flags of Israel and the Kingdom of Yugoslavia, both of which are rendered direct from Windows 95-era clip-art and appear to be peeling at the edges. We can go ahead and presume the design brief was to make them flutter like flags do, but Bruce appears to have hired the one graphic designer in Huddersfield who has never witnessed an object in motion.

Sweeper 2

I’m also going to guess they couldn’t nail down image rights for Steve Bruce’s deputy here, which is why they settled on just disguising him via the sort of close-crop perm and drawn-on moustache popular among people who wear scouse drag on stag weekends.

Sweeper 3

And here, at last, is Old Sam the janitor himself, broom in hand. Fun fact: although never explicitly stated in the text, this picture of Sam posits him as the punny “Sweeper”. You’d think the title would be a reference to a player in the free-roaming defensive position mastered by the likes of Franz Beckenbauer or Franco Baresi, but that would be embarrassingly literal, you philistine. 

No such position, player or character is ever referenced in the entire text. In fairness, neither is there a moment within the text where it’s said, or even implied, that Sam is the sweeper either. I can only imagine there was originally a line in the book that made this clear, but it was subsequently left out. God help me, I’ve read the book three times and it isn’t there. This stupid pun is easily the smartest thing in the entire book, and Bruce doesn’t even state it for the record, you just get to the end of the book and realise that’s what it must have meant.

That’s not to say there aren’t loads of other smart lines in Sweeper, just check out this bit of gold from Barnes as he exercises some lightning quick math tekkers upon meeting the aforementioned janitor. 

“I started here when I was fifteen, straight from school. And now I’m sixty five. You don’t need a calculator to work that out.”

I did a quick sum.

“Fifty years. You’ve had a good spell, Sam.” 

Lines like this practically invite you to imagine Bruce typing the entire novel with his two index fingers, tongue peeking out from between his gritted teeth

 

Is that real ghost writing?

 

 

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On 25/10/2021 at 06:28, Tom said:

Most managers underperforming to that level will have received far, far worse stick. 

 

The media narrative has been absolutely beyond belief, Bruce has been a shit manager for 20 years and this is probably the best treatment he’s received. 

 

 

Yet, was still getting backing from most in the media and not receiving pelters from the stands.

 

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