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Training Session --- Live coverage

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Lee Ryder: Jonas has just scored twice in a minute, he can certainly finish in training.

 

 

.....

 

Does the fact that he is playing against Newcastle United defenders have anything to do with it?

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Danny so obsessed he's wumming the local paper.

 

I dont get it what has that got to do with me?

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Danny so obsessed he's wumming the local paper.

 

I dont get it what has that got to do with me?

 

Like most things on here. We've been trying to say that to you for a while don't you think?

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Danny so obsessed he's wumming the local paper.

 

I dont get it what has that got to do with me?

 

Like most things on here. We've been trying to say that to you for a while don't you think?

 

Only Newcastle fans are allowed to have an opinion on NUFC?

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Your picture is to small Scottish mag sorry can't see what your laughing at. :lol:

 

12:24 [Comment From HTT]

If Shearer leaves at the end of the season, should we campaign for Ottmar Hitzfeld again?

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Danny so obsessed he's wumming the local paper.

 

I dont get it what has that got to do with me?

 

Like most things on here. We've been trying to say that to you for a while don't you think?

 

Only Newcastle fans are allowed to have an opinion on NUFC?

 

Not at all. In fact, I'd certainly welcome the views of others. We've often encouraged other fans to come here before and after our games etc. Used to happen frequently when we were in Europe and was good craic. Of course, every now and again you get the odd arse that comes along to try and wind people up. They usually drift away once they have had their giggles. You stayed though.

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The training should be built around the midfield and two roaming forwards (against 6 pigeons on the other side), every day - four hours a day. Not sitting and playing head tennis or whatever bollocks I just watched.

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The training should be built around the midfield and two roaming forwards (against 6 pigeons on the other side), every day - four hours a day. Not sitting and playing head tennis or whatever bollocks I just watched.

 

The pigeons would move though and they'd be fucked :lol:

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The training should be built around the midfield and two roaming forwards (against 6 pigeons on the other side), every day - four hours a day. Not sitting and playing head tennis or whatever bollocks I just watched.

 

The pigeons would move though and they'd be fucked :lol:

:lol:

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Guest alex
Bob Moncur: Hi Chris. I wouldn't entirely blame the middle of the park, Nolan made a real difference on Saturday.

 

You what? :lol:

Aye after he was hauled off there was a marked improvement

:lol: He's been a waste of space like.

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Bob Moncur: Hi Chris. I wouldn't entirely blame the middle of the park, Nolan made a real difference on Saturday.

 

You what? :lol:

Aye after he was hauled off there was a marked improvement

 

Aye :lol:

 

I want to see Guthrie start every game myself. My take on Shearer sticking him in the reserves last night is that AS must rate him and wanted to get match-fitness into him asap. Hope so anyway, although it nearly backfired by the sound of it.

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The Alan Shearer revolution - live ----- George Caulkin

 

 

Welcome to St James' Park; welcome to the Alan Shearer revolution. This week, TheGame is well away from its comfort zone, reporting from football's coalface, the very frontline. Okay, okay, that's a slight exaggeration. But Alan Shearer is about to conduct an open training session at the stadium and rather than file the usual dose of north east misery in column form, we thought it would be fun/different/boring to cover it live.

 

As Shearer put it last week, we're bound to make mistakes, so please bear with us. And as Shearer further pointed out, there are no saviors here. There's no magic wand. Just a bloke with a laptop and a paper cup filled with luke-warm latte (thank you Simon Bird of the Mirror, I owe you £1.40), reporting on lots of other blokes kicking a football into the air.

 

What will we learn from this? Almost certainly nothing. It's probably wrong to expect any great tactical insight at this stage (to paraphrase Graeme Souness, I'm not big on tactics). We offer nothing but the eyes and ears of a humble observer. But please feel free to comment, criticize or ask questions. And let's broaden this out to supporters of Sunderland and Middlesbrough, too. What does the rest of the season hold? What about afterwards? What do we have to look forward to?

 

11.46: Well, we're outside. The sky is blue. The sun is out. Grown men in shorts are running about. Bear with us, I'm trying to find a plug socket.

 

11.48: Okay. I'm plugged in. Right then, down to business ... Hm. Who's idea was this? It's a flaming training session. THERE'S NOTHING HAPPENING! Hang on. There's Alan Shearer, wearing tracksuit bottoms and a white sweatshirt, hands on hips. He looks the part. Unfortunately, Newcastle haven't looked much like a football team this season. Discuss.

 

11.51: I'VE HAD A COMMENT! Hm. Smartie - one word: spell check. Sorry, two words.

 

11.52: But to answer your question, there's not much sign of it, no. Alan is looking pretty stationary at the moment. Newcastle could do with him, though, couldn't they? It wasn't just the goals. It was the free-kicks, the elbows, the backside, taking the ball into the corner and holding off opponent for the last ten minutes.

 

11.55: I'd say there are a couple of thousand fans here. Maybe more. Including Steve Harmison, the England and Durham cricketer, and his kids. I can report that 'Toon Harmy' attempted to sit down, but missed. By a long way. Actually, I've just made that up.

 

11.58: Someone scored. Not Alan. But Alan stuck his hands in the air, in the manner of old. Brings back a few memories.

 

11.59: JB - that's a serious question. I realise I haven't said anything serious so far. Sorry. No, can't see Lovenkrands. Guthrie injured his knee in the reserves last night and I can't see him either. Joey Barton and Mark Viduka are training by themsees, kicking a ball about, but not exerting themselves too much(which isn't unusual for Viduka).

 

12.02: No Steven Taylor, no Bassong. Any hope for Stoke in that case?

 

12.03: Michael Owen isn't doing very much either. He did a few shuttles, but isn't partaking in shooting practise. One thing, though: Newcastle did a fairly extensive session for an hour or so before the public and the press were let in, so maybe we shouldn't read too much into that.

 

12.04: DON'T PANIC! Owen is now shooting. He's just had a decent shot saved by Fraser Forster.

 

12.05: What an absolutely beautiful day. To quote Phil Collins - one of Shearer's favourites, probably - no jacket required.

 

12.06: Interesting. It's Shearer who's taking the lead today. So far, Iain Dowie has been the main man on the training ground, but Alan is very much involved here: shouting, laughing, barking out orders. I have to say, the mood seems very good. Lots of laughing and joking. It needs to translate into points. Quickly.

 

12.12: So what do you think JB? Which division will Newcastle be in next season? What's your gut feeling? I feel a bit more positive than I did a week ago, but that's not too difficult. I think it's going to be very, very close.

 

12.14: HOLD THE FRONT PAGE! Shearer is now playing!!!!!! My hands are shaking too much to type more.

 

12.14: He shoots, he scores! He wheels away with his right arm in the air. The crowd go wild! Goal number 207! Does it count!

 

12.!5: Okay, forget everything else. This is now Shearer-watch. Is he still registered as a player? Can he be? He's playing on the same team as Gutierrez, Coloccini, Geremi and Owen.

 

12.18: Four minutes in, he's blowing out of his backside. I think that's the correct football parlance.

 

12.18: They're playing Dire Straits over the tannoy. This is a proper, genuine Geordie love-in. It does NOT get any better than this. We're all off to Greggs for a cheese pasty after this.

 

12.20: Shearer has now scored twice, Owen once.

 

12.22: On the other team: Ameobi, Nolan, Duff, Martins, Ryan Taylor.

 

12.23: Harper in goal for Shearer's team, Forster for the other lot - who'll lose. There can be no other outcome. It is ordained.

 

12.25: The game has just finished. If I'm being brutally honest, I've got no idea what the score was. But good fun. Lots of applause from the stands now as the players go for a little jog around the pitch.

 

12.26: I've just noticed Alan Smith. He's hanging around near the dug-out. He isn't doing very much ... please feel free to add your own comedy punchline here.

 

12.28: Some official business: Bassong DID train in the earlier, behind-closed-doors session. So that's good. And the stadium safety officers put today's attendance in the 7,500 bracket. Which is a lot more than my guess, although there are people behind that I can't see. And I lost count after 2,000 anyway.

 

12.30: They're playing Jimmy Nail over the speakers now. Stop. Please stop.

 

12.31: Jonas has just sparked a mini riot by throwing his tracksuit bottoms into the crowd. Imagine what would happen if HE ACTUALLY SCORED A FLIPPING GOAL.

 

12.32: The players are stretching. This is textbook stuff.

 

12.33: Officially, it's all over. The strains of 'Altogether Now' are blaring out. Which is a comforting thought. From a Newcastle perspective, let's hope it's true. In a small way, this has been a useful exercise. Lots of kids have come to see the team train, it's brought a smile to a few faces. But, and it's a big but - like this: BUT - Newcastle won't survive and prosper through PR stunts, however well-meaning.

 

12.36: Open training needs to be followed by open dialogue. With Shearer at the helm, Newcastle have possibilities, but that's all they are and staying up is just the first of them. If they succeed, there must be some hard bargaining and tough questions. Shearer is here for the long-term, no matter what he says in public. The hiring of Dowie and Paul Ferris are proof of that - why would Ferris be looking at the whole medical and sports science set-up, if it was for seven games only? - but it is not guaranteed. It all comes back to Mike Ashley; is he prepared to invest in the club in meaningful fashion? And can he be trusted to do it properly?

 

12.39: One small addition. Shearer finished the session in a huddle with Barton. Long coversation. Am I reading too much into that? Stoke on Saturday?

 

12.42: And with that, farewell. The ground is now empty(ish). My coffee is cold and barely touched. Thanks for your company - normal service will be resumed next week. It would be nice to have a victory or two to report on. (Note to boss: will this do?).

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Guest Stevie

I don't know about anyone else but Lee Ryder is an embarrassing reporter for me. "7,500 loyal fans turned out", where's the loyalty in kids off school with fuck all else to do going to see the toon train for free. Also all this "wonderful atmosphere" bollocks on Saturday and "wall of noise", was a hugely disappointing atmosphere for me.

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I don't know about anyone else but Lee Ryder is an embarrassing reporter for me. "7,500 loyal fans turned out", where's the loyalty in kids off school with fuck all else to do going to see the toon train for free. Also all this "wonderful atmosphere" bollocks on Saturday and "wall of noise", was a hugely disappointing atmosphere for me.

 

Just made the same comment in the other thread. Obviously there were attempts to lift the atmosphere including the NUSC stuff obviously :mellow: but once in the ground and once people realised the standard of football hadnt really changed then it was the same old same old.

 

As for Ryder well, hes definitely taken over from Oliver ;)

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GEORDIE MESSIAH STAGES PATENTLY TRANSPARENT PR RUSE, 7,500 DUPED

 

Newcastle United's players found out exactly what their fans think of

them this morning when a disappointing crowd of just 7,500 gullible

Geordies turned up for an open first-team training session at St

James' Park. With the sun shining, the schools broken up for Easter

and unemployment figures on Tyneside approaching a 20-year high,

experts had been predicting a record attendance for the pathetically

transparent propaganda exercise that traditionally follows the

appointment of each new Geordie Messiah. But despite the recent

installation of local legend Alan Shearer as The Chosen One, a

disillusioned Geordie public voted with their feet, opting to ignore

the overpaid wasters who have dragged the club into the Premier

League relegation mire and head for the city's pubs, betting offices

and tattoo parlours instead.

 

Despite the low turn-out, the reaction of those who did turn up at St

James' Park was surprisingly positive considering how shabbily

they've been treated in recent years. "A lot iv people, spehully

bairns, cannit afford the exorbitant ticket prices fo' Newcassel

matches, see it's canny fo' them tuh be yeble tuh cum alang tuh the

groond, see their heeroos in the flesh an' shoot abuse at them,"

enthused one overweight topless man who appeared so down on his luck

he'd literally lost the shirt from his backs. "Way-aye man," chorused

his Brown-drinking friends, who had also gone shirtless for the day

in an act of solidarity.

 

Although coach Iain Dowie has overseen first-team training sessions

since the duo's appointment, it was the notoriously publicity-shy

Shearer who barked the orders on a day that, coincidentally, hundreds

of journalists and TV cameras were on hand to record proceedings.

Once Dowie had marked out the pitch with training cones, his boss got

stuck into the five-a-side, even going so far as to score and wheel

away with one arm in the air - a trademark celebration a bewildered

Fabricio Coloccini mistook for an offside appeal. Sadly for Shearer,

his goal was too little too late and to nobody's great surprise, the

training cones recorded a facile 8-1 victory over the assorted

first-teamers pitted against them.

 

"I said to the boys, 'Where else would you get thousands of fans

turning up to watch training when the team is third bottom?',"

Shearer told reporters as he wound up his latest exercise in

self-promotion. Where else? Let's see, Alan. All over Italy and

Spain, not to mention in many South American countries. What's more,

those fans are sensible enough to arrive armed to the teeth with

insulting banners, baskets of rotten fruit and iron bars.

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