The Mighty Hog 331 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 I'm terrible for going into the wrong toilets in unfamiliar bars or clubs. Did it again last week in Bar 38. There's no way you can save face, just best to get the hell out asap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17627 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Speaking of wrong toilets I once caught a mate of mine having a piss on the floor of another mates kitchen 59711[/snapback] A good friend of mine used to go around to this daft kids house for a smoke and a drink on a regular occasion. Anyway they would always send the daft kid to the shop for the drink, him being daft and all. Evertime he was out getting the cans my mate would get up and have a piss just in front of his precious Hi-Fi then sit back in his seat as if he hadn't moved. The lad with the cans would return, take his shoes off and settle himself down with his can, just as he done this my mate would at some point always ask him to change the tape/cd on his precious Hi-Fi which he would always do as he didn't want anyone else touching it, law and behold he always stood in the piss in his sock clad feet, the daft kid would then go ballistic with his mongrel dog whilst everyone sat there laughing their tits off. This went on for well over 6 months with the poor dog getting the shitty end of the stick all the time, not fair on the dog but fucking funny 59740[/snapback] Basically your friend is a complete bastard then! Talking of toilets, I've got confused in Mood on more than one occassion after a few. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 Speaking of wrong toilets I once caught a mate of mine having a piss on the floor of another mates kitchen 59711[/snapback] A good friend of mine used to go around to this daft kids house for a smoke and a drink on a regular occasion. Anyway they would always send the daft kid to the shop for the drink, him being daft and all. Evertime he was out getting the cans my mate would get up and have a piss just in front of his precious Hi-Fi then sit back in his seat as if he hadn't moved. The lad with the cans would return, take his shoes off and settle himself down with his can, just as he done this my mate would at some point always ask him to change the tape/cd on his precious Hi-Fi which he would always do as he didn't want anyone else touching it, law and behold he always stood in the piss in his sock clad feet, the daft kid would then go ballistic with his mongrel dog whilst everyone sat there laughing their tits off. This went on for well over 6 months with the poor dog getting the shitty end of the stick all the time, not fair on the dog but fucking funny 59740[/snapback] Basically your friend is a complete bastard then! Talking of toilets, I've got confused in Mood on more than one occassion after a few. 59778[/snapback] That will explain the 3 stretch he's currently doing then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark 0 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 DM went into the lasses bogs in Beach nightclub when he was mortal/spiked funny as fuck. Shame he has no recollection of it. Briggs, who had a shite in who's sink? I'm guessing the cunt you are talking about is that lassy basher who thinks he chinned the "Albany crew"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ketsbaia 0 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 DM went into the lasses bogs in Beach nightclub when he was mortal/spiked funny as fuck. Shame he has no recollection of it. Briggs, who had a shite in who's sink? I'm guessing the cunt you are talking about is that lassy basher who thinks he chinned the "Albany crew"? 59810[/snapback] Got it in one, mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammynb 2929 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Did you not notice when there were no urinals. It's always the giveaway for me like. 59658[/snapback] Anyone notice the toilets at Cardiff had no urinals (at least not on level 6, and not if you discount the sink). How stupid was that? The toilets at the Cumberland in Tynemouth always confuse people. 59674[/snapback] Soopafan alert! 59676[/snapback] Well I'm assuming everyone on here went, except Craig, obviously. 59678[/snapback] Sammy went on my ticket (long-ish story). 59680[/snapback] Meaning manc-mag. Sammynb wouldnt have got one cheek on one of them seats. 59683[/snapback] Who you calling fat boy? I'm not 15 stone! Anyway my arse fit on the poor excuse for a seat in Eindhoven's away end, so the seats at Cardiff must be g-string size (thong for all you americans). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammynb 2929 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 That's a shame. Did you actually get to see any minge though? Did anyone else go to a school where there was a rumour there was a hole somewhere in the shower room where you could get an eyeful on the lasses? I imagine that myth is probably ubiquitous. 59707[/snapback] Renton you sure you're not just thinking of the script you're writing for Porky's 5! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Done it a couple of times. Was out with a couple of mates in Middlesbrough in a pub I'd not been to before. Walked in the bogs and thought 'these are smart toilets for a pub, carpets and mirrors- very nice. Unusual that its all cubicles and no piss trough... Bollocks, I'm in the lasses.' Turned round hoping to make a discreet getaway only for my 'mate' to laugh and point as I came back out the door. The other time was in a student club and I was to shit-faced to know what I was doing/care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Also clubs that have unisex toilets can be damned confusing - I very nearly pissed in a sink because I mistook it for a urinal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 I pissed in a sink at Sheffield City Hall after a gig once, but only because all the toilets were in use. The bloke who was washing his hands wasn't very pleased. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 I always had a pre-match shit in the lasses WC in idols. It was never used otherwise. And you couldn't have a shit in the blokes unless you were a filthy beast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 On a similar theme there's a couple of dykes work in my place who were collared flicking each others beans in the ladies bogs a while back. It's a strange scenario, one's about 6 stone and 5 foot and the other is about 26 stone and 6 foot 4", the lighter of the 2 plays the bloke. Anyway they were sussed cos they were constantly going off to the bogs together to shack their lettuce's. One day a colleague went in 5 minutes after them and heard a few groans of pleasure that can on ly be voiced throught the joy of bean flicking, she waited around and low and behold the carpet munchers emerged from the same cubicle 5 minutes later. Their punishment - an oral warning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17627 Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Jesus wept! When did mutual masturbation in a cubicle become a crime? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34179 Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Shack their lettuces?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted November 25, 2005 Author Share Posted November 25, 2005 On a similar theme there's a couple of dykes work in my place who were collared flicking each others beans in the ladies bogs a while back. It's a strange scenario, one's about 6 stone and 5 foot and the other is about 26 stone and 6 foot 4", the lighter of the 2 plays the bloke. Anyway they were sussed cos they were constantly going off to the bogs together to shack their lettuce's. One day a colleague went in 5 minutes after them and heard a few groans of pleasure that can on ly be voiced throught the joy of bean flicking, she waited around and low and behold the carpet munchers emerged from the same cubicle 5 minutes later. Their punishment - an oral warning! 60641[/snapback] I can confirm this tale, the big one is like Nanny from Count Duckula, fucking massive. The geoff capes of the rug munching world, beard n all. I heard she can face press 50 rugs in one sitting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Like the nanny from Duckula? FFS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeazesMag 0 Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 When i started my new job a couple a months back and was just familiarising my self with the new surroundings i made the dreadful mistake of accidentally going into the lasses toilets. The worst thing about it was this was a Wednesday and for some strange reason thats the day my body decides to flush itself out of all the toxins that have been consumed at the weekend, it's not pretty. So here I am nice and settled in a nice warm bog waiting for the weekly explosion when i hears a set of high heels on the tiles outside the bog door, so i thought to myself either SMO has followed me to my new job in his cuban heels or I'm in the birds toilets, it was the latter, so i quickly wips my K Swiss out of view of the culprit and hoped she hadn't seen them, only this hunching position brought the inevitable on and before i knew it the flood gates had opened much to my neighbour's displeasure in the adjoining cubicle. There was only one thing for it, job and knock, so i quickly wipes my arse and bolted out hoping no one was coming in as i made my escape, fortunately for me there wasn't and i managed to make it to the men's opposite and finish the job in peace with a large grin on my face knowing I'd got away with it. Closest shave I'd had in a long time. P.S the bird next door pissed like a race horse if it's any consolation. 59655[/snapback] years ago I was in that pub in the Bigg Market...used to be called Robinsons or something.....opposite the pig and whistle early evening, I dived into the bog, sat down.......someone came into the next cubicle.....suddenly i saw a right foot with fishnet stockings on poking through the bottom..... Then a voice said "can you pass some toilet paper please"....passed a bit underneath, careful to throw it under, then a "thank you"........ sat there, waiting for her to go, opened the door slowly, no one there and shot out as fast as i could, into the bar, said to my mate "out, no questions, just out sharpish"...laughed like hell when I told him what had happened Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted November 26, 2005 Author Share Posted November 26, 2005 The feeling of dread when you realise what you've done is something else Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakehips 0 Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 When i started my new job a couple a months back and was just familiarising my self with the new surroundings i made the dreadful mistake of accidentally going into the lasses toilets. The worst thing about it was this was a Wednesday and for some strange reason thats the day my body decides to flush itself out of all the toxins that have been consumed at the weekend, it's not pretty. So here I am nice and settled in a nice warm bog waiting for the weekly explosion when i hears a set of high heels on the tiles outside the bog door, so i thought to myself either SMO has followed me to my new job in his cuban heels or I'm in the birds toilets, it was the latter, so i quickly wips my K Swiss out of view of the culprit and hoped she hadn't seen them, only this hunching position brought the inevitable on and before i knew it the flood gates had opened much to my neighbour's displeasure in the adjoining cubicle. There was only one thing for it, job and knock, so i quickly wipes my arse and bolted out hoping no one was coming in as i made my escape, fortunately for me there wasn't and i managed to make it to the men's opposite and finish the job in peace with a large grin on my face knowing I'd got away with it. Closest shave I'd had in a long time. P.S the bird next door pissed like a race horse if it's any consolation. 59655[/snapback] She pissed quickly? Oh fuck ye's! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted November 26, 2005 Author Share Posted November 26, 2005 The feeling of dread when you realise what you've done is something else 61239[/snapback] It's enough to make you want to empty your bowls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 When i started my new job a couple a months back and was just familiarising my self with the new surroundings i made the dreadful mistake of accidentally going into the lasses toilets. The worst thing about it was this was a Wednesday and for some strange reason thats the day my body decides to flush itself out of all the toxins that have been consumed at the weekend, it's not pretty. So here I am nice and settled in a nice warm bog waiting for the weekly explosion when i hears a set of high heels on the tiles outside the bog door, so i thought to myself either SMO has followed me to my new job in his cuban heels or I'm in the birds toilets, it was the latter, so i quickly wips my K Swiss out of view of the culprit and hoped she hadn't seen them, only this hunching position brought the inevitable on and before i knew it the flood gates had opened much to my neighbour's displeasure in the adjoining cubicle. There was only one thing for it, job and knock, so i quickly wipes my arse and bolted out hoping no one was coming in as i made my escape, fortunately for me there wasn't and i managed to make it to the men's opposite and finish the job in peace with a large grin on my face knowing I'd got away with it. Closest shave I'd had in a long time. P.S the bird next door pissed like a race horse if it's any consolation. 59655[/snapback] She pissed quickly? Oh fuck ye's! 61240[/snapback] Women piss harder and faster due to them having a shorter and wider urethra. See, I haven't completley wasted the last two and a bit years! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34179 Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 When i started my new job a couple a months back and was just familiarising my self with the new surroundings i made the dreadful mistake of accidentally going into the lasses toilets. The worst thing about it was this was a Wednesday and for some strange reason thats the day my body decides to flush itself out of all the toxins that have been consumed at the weekend, it's not pretty. So here I am nice and settled in a nice warm bog waiting for the weekly explosion when i hears a set of high heels on the tiles outside the bog door, so i thought to myself either SMO has followed me to my new job in his cuban heels or I'm in the birds toilets, it was the latter, so i quickly wips my K Swiss out of view of the culprit and hoped she hadn't seen them, only this hunching position brought the inevitable on and before i knew it the flood gates had opened much to my neighbour's displeasure in the adjoining cubicle. There was only one thing for it, job and knock, so i quickly wipes my arse and bolted out hoping no one was coming in as i made my escape, fortunately for me there wasn't and i managed to make it to the men's opposite and finish the job in peace with a large grin on my face knowing I'd got away with it. Closest shave I'd had in a long time. P.S the bird next door pissed like a race horse if it's any consolation. 59655[/snapback] She pissed quickly? Oh fuck ye's! 61240[/snapback] Women piss harder and faster due to them having a shorter and wider urethra. See, I haven't completley wasted the last two and a bit years! 61279[/snapback] Maybe not but you've just wasted a good 5 seconds of my life reading that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckypierre 0 Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 On a similar theme there's a couple of dykes work in my place who were collared flicking each others beans in the ladies bogs a while back. It's a strange scenario, one's about 6 stone and 5 foot and the other is about 26 stone and 6 foot 4", the lighter of the 2 plays the bloke. Anyway they were sussed cos they were constantly going off to the bogs together to shack their lettuce's. One day a colleague went in 5 minutes after them and heard a few groans of pleasure that can on ly be voiced throught the joy of bean flicking, she waited around and low and behold the carpet munchers emerged from the same cubicle 5 minutes later. Their punishment - an oral warning! 60641[/snapback] I can confirm this tale, the big one is like Nanny from Count Duckula, fucking massive. The geoff capes of the rug munching world, beard n all. I heard she can face press 50 rugs in one sitting. 60688[/snapback] does the little one look like a rat with a shaved head and lennon glasses? Always decked out in some form of NUFC clothing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 On a similar theme there's a couple of dykes work in my place who were collared flicking each others beans in the ladies bogs a while back. It's a strange scenario, one's about 6 stone and 5 foot and the other is about 26 stone and 6 foot 4", the lighter of the 2 plays the bloke. Anyway they were sussed cos they were constantly going off to the bogs together to shack their lettuce's. One day a colleague went in 5 minutes after them and heard a few groans of pleasure that can on ly be voiced throught the joy of bean flicking, she waited around and low and behold the carpet munchers emerged from the same cubicle 5 minutes later. Their punishment - an oral warning! 60641[/snapback] I can confirm this tale, the big one is like Nanny from Count Duckula, fucking massive. The geoff capes of the rug munching world, beard n all. I heard she can face press 50 rugs in one sitting. 60688[/snapback] does the little one look like a rat with a shaved head and lennon glasses? Always decked out in some form of NUFC clothing? 61282[/snapback] That's the one, she seems to wear the trousers in the relationship with Count Duckula. Can't see why it such a big deal, if i accidently found myself in the lasses bogs I wouldn't be that bothered like and it's always a treat for the ladies! I've noticed signs on the women's bogs at St James' say if any blokes are caught in there accidently or not then theyy'll lose their season tickets! Be careful lads! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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