What mood are you in and why?

[PaddockLad 14495]

2 hours ago, Renton said:

 

My first thought was to laugh, love the way you always add current into your spousal descriptions.

Second thought was fucking hell, we're all getting old. 

Third thought was, fucking hell, you're costing the NHS nearly a thousand quid a month to keep alive.

 

Fucking monoclonal antibodies, not like in my day, t'was all good old reliable small molecule drugs back then [\Hovis tune to fade]

 Yeah it was weird when the consultant started talking about figures…”we’d like to offer you this treatment Rob, it’s really effective for your specific type of asthma but it is rather a lot of money…..” 

Apparently I was worth enough to society to get approved for it… others may disagree  

 

 

 

 

[Renton 17576]

28 minutes ago, PaddockLad said:

 Yeah it was weird when the consultant started talking about figures…”we’d like to offer you this treatment Rob, it’s really effective for your specific type of asthma but it is rather a lot of money…..” 

Apparently I was worth enough to society to get approved for it… others may disagree  

 

 

 

 

 

What I do for a living mate. And yeah, I disagree.

 

Edited February 28, 2023 by Renton

[Blastronaut 1230]

All the best @Craig. Hope you're alright and have people to talk this through with and something resembling a support network.

 

I'll tread carefully here, being a keen drinker (bordering on functional alcoholism) that has probably made light of alcohol abuse here on a good few occasions. Even I'll admit I would likely be a far better dad, partner and person in general if I just didn't drink. I've had some big issues with severe depression in the past that I've mostly put behind me but the black dog still rears its head now and again, and alcohol fucking always exacerbates it when I'm in that mindset and can drag me down the suicidal ideology path. 

 

Be well man. I don't know you and won't pretend to know what you're going through. The only decent advice I can think to pass on that helped me is find people you trust and fucking vent man. And know you're not alone.

 

 

 

 

[RobinRobin 9156]

Take care of yourself Craig and get whatever help you need.  We'll be here to provide stupid commentary on whatever you decide (TM MF).

 

May be sensible to lay off the xG for a while, though.

 

[Renton 17576]

A bit shocked, a bit down. Went to the cemetery on a bit of a reconnaissance mission to find inspiration for my Dad and sister's epitaphs. Only taken me a year to get organised enough to buy the stone. Anyway, bumped into an old mate whose mother had passed away in November unbeknownst to me, he was doing the same as it happened. That was sad enough as I have fond memories of her as a kid, we were best mates and grew up together before drifting apart. Anyway, worse, this friend is pretty seriously fucked due to alcohol issues and, well, it doesn't look good for him in all honesty. He also told me how many people he had lost during the pandemic, he's the oldest surviving family member. He's exactly the type of person this government is fucking over too.

 

I dunno. I felt okay before I turned 50, then this happened during the covid pandemic and my realisation of my own mortality has hit me like a sledge hammer. Mainly because suddenly I had family and friends dying right, left and centre, many of whom were of the same generation. So many people also seem to have serious illnesses to deal with. It's difficult for me to seperate the machinations inside my head with reality at the minute. Am I percieiving the world in a certain way because I am depressed, or is it really as bleak as I sometimes feel? At the same time, I do feel genuinely more accepting of things and appreciative that in fact I am personally blessed. Could really do with a holiday like, or at least spring properly arriving. 

[Monkeys Fist 38535]

I had some serious depression during the pandemic mate, for a number of reasons. 
 

I’m much better now, but still have off days, the difference now being that I don’t beat myself up about it if and when I have one. 
 

Also, let’s be honest, a graveyard isn’t exactly a cheery place to have the conversation you had with old pal, so take it a bad day and you’ll be back to your usual cheery self tomorrow 

 

[Renton 17576]

2 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

I had some serious depression during the pandemic mate, for a number of reasons. 
 

I’m much better now, but still have off days, the difference now being that I don’t beat myself up about it if and when I have one. 
 

Also, let’s be honest, a graveyard isn’t exactly a cheery place to have the conversation you had with old pal, so take it a bad day and you’ll be back to your usual cheery self tomorrow 

 

 

Yeah, you're right. When I wasn't finding out my old mate was dying, I was taking lots of photos of graves trying to get the right epitaph, it's hard to please my mum, especially as one day she'll share the grave. Very cheery activity. And then I found a grave neighbouring our "plot" is of a woman and her kids, who she had murdered. 🤯(instant Google regret).  Fucking tragic. I dont think I'll tell my mum about that like. 

 

Anyway, cheers, I am genuinely okay, I think anniversaries of deaths are difficult in the early years regardless. I never understood this until now. My sister's is tomorrow (2 years), which is a bit of a pisser for my future St Paddy's days, but at least I'll never forget. Going out to a gig tomorrow night which should be the perfect tonic. 👍

[ewerk 26144]

5 hours ago, Renton said:

A bit shocked, a bit down. Went to the cemetery on a bit of a reconnaissance mission to find inspiration for my Dad and sister's epitaphs. Only taken me a year to get organised enough to buy the stone. Anyway, bumped into an old mate whose mother had passed away in November unbeknownst to me, he was doing the same as it happened. That was sad enough as I have fond memories of her as a kid, we were best mates and grew up together before drifting apart. Anyway, worse, this friend is pretty seriously fucked due to alcohol issues and, well, it doesn't look good for him in all honesty. He also told me how many people he had lost during the pandemic, he's the oldest surviving family member. He's exactly the type of person this government is fucking over too.

 

I dunno. I felt okay before I turned 50, then this happened during the covid pandemic and my realisation of my own mortality has hit me like a sledge hammer. Mainly because suddenly I had family and friends dying right, left and centre, many of whom were of the same generation. So many people also seem to have serious illnesses to deal with. It's difficult for me to seperate the machinations inside my head with reality at the minute. Am I percieiving the world in a certain way because I am depressed, or is it really as bleak as I sometimes feel? At the same time, I do feel genuinely more accepting of things and appreciative that in fact I am personally blessed. Could really do with a holiday like, or at least spring properly arriving. 

If anything it might be a glimpse into what might have happened had you not addressed your problem with alcohol. You seem to have a much improved relationship with it for which you deserve incredible credit.

 

But you may still be depressed and it’s important to recognise that depression completely fucks with your feelings and experiences. It’s been a while since I suffered from ‘moderate’ depression but it does distort everything.

 

Compared to where you were a number of months ago you seem to be doing really well.
 

I’m not sure how it applies to you but you may not yet be able to trust your emotions. It can be hard to differentiate between what you should be feeling and what the depression is making you feel but with the knowledge of what is going on in your brain it becomes easier over time.

 

I hope you’re getting professional help to get you through this.

[Craig 6287]

Not been around much. My mental health has deteriorated rapidly over the past 10 weeks in both frequency and magnitude. On Monday I contacted the Samaritans for emergency help as I considered the safety of those around me, and myself, to be at risk. I am in the process of seeking urgent professional counselling. 

Without going into specific details as I am aware this place is open to public viewing and therefore not what I'd consider a 'safe' environment, I was subjected to mental, phyiscal and sexual abuse as a child. This is something I've suppressed for over 30 years but is now manifesting in me being unable to contain my emotions and causes severe meltdowns and rage. Alcohol is not a trigger but it is most certainly an accelerant and I've chosen to abstain from it whilst I go through my healing process. 

What I wish for is to be at peace and, possibly weirdly, to be able to forgive the person that did this to me. The magnitude is so great that forgetting is just not possible so I feel forgiveness will be be my saviour.

[Gemmill 34158]

Sorry to hear of your troubles Craig. Stick around on here if it helps at all, but if you need to be away from here, we all hope you're OK and you're getting the help you need.

[Craig 6287]

1 minute ago, Gemmill said:

Sorry to hear of your troubles Craig. Stick around on here if it helps at all, but if you need to be away from here, we all hope you're OK and you're getting the help you need.

 

Thank you. It helps at times, at other times it doesn't but it's good to read kind words. 

I'm about to go on a hell of a rollercoaster, that's for sure but I need to else there's only one way I'm headed. 

Thank you again.

[spongebob toonpants 3582]

Well done for being self aware and it's good you are getting help. 

Post if it helps, don't if it doesn't but nothing but support from here

[Alex 30226]

Best wishes, Craig. I’ve always considered you to be a really sound lad with a wealth of knowledge about NUFC. For what little that’s worth. But I really hope you get through this. Like Gemmill says, use this place - if it helps. 

[Renton 17576]

Just to echo what others have said. Post/reach out if it helps, don't if it doesn't, we all understand either way. Personally it helped me loads last year duuring my darkest hours, which if I'm honest feel like a bad dream now to an extent. SInce then I've managed to turn things round, even got promoted at work, found myself in the position I can start living without dread and my depression has largely lifted. Anxiety, not so much, but I'm working on it. Your posts specifically helped me last year Craig, I hope you know I appreciate it. I hope you can access the help you need. You can and will get through this. 

[wykikitoon 16474]

Sorry to hear Craig, I hope you all the best and hopefully the help comes quickly. Pop on here for bants if it's good for you lad.  

[Dr Gloom 19720]

47 minutes ago, Craig said:

Not been around much. My mental health has deteriorated rapidly over the past 10 weeks in both frequency and magnitude. On Monday I contacted the Samaritans for emergency help as I considered the safety of those around me, and myself, to be at risk. I am in the process of seeking urgent professional counselling. 

Without going into specific details as I am aware this place is open to public viewing and therefore not what I'd consider a 'safe' environment, I was subjected to mental, phyiscal and sexual abuse as a child. This is something I've suppressed for over 30 years but is now manifesting in me being unable to contain my emotions and causes severe meltdowns and rage. Alcohol is not a trigger but it is most certainly an accelerant and I've chosen to abstain from it whilst I go through my healing process. 

What I wish for is to be at peace and, possibly weirdly, to be able to forgive the person that did this to me. The magnitude is so great that forgetting is just not possible so I feel forgiveness will be be my saviour.

 

This is awful. Sincerely hope things improve for you soon mate. 

[Howmanheyman 26590]

Can only echo what the lads have said, Craig. It's a battle you've fought for years from the sound of it but hopefully you'll be getting some reinforcements to help you. And you're still here for yourself and other loved ones which is important. My daughter was at a friend's funeral this morning who took her own life just before her 21st birthday. Life is so fragile so just pleased you can see the value in reaching out. It has to and will get better. 

[RobinRobin 9156]

Sorry to hear where you are Craig. Glad you're getting help. Take care. 

[Craig 6287]

Thank you all.

And this is a timely opportunity to let you know I'm coming home later this year. I'm taking part in the GNR and will be descending on the region with people from down South who are also taking part. As a result I'll be hitting the town on Friday 8th September so if you're around, and available, it'd be good to see you - especially those who I met up with some 16/17 years ago.

 

[RobinRobin 9156]

1 minute ago, Craig said:

Thank you all.

And this is a timely opportunity to let you know I'm coming home later this year. I'm taking part in the GNR and will be descending on the region with people from down South who are also taking part. As a result I'll be hitting the town on Friday 8th September so if you're around, and available, it'd be good to see you - especially those who I met up with some 16/17 years ago.

 

Love to but apparently I'm in NZ 🙂 

[Ayatollah Hermione 12733]

Don’t really have much more to add to what everyone else has said, Craig but I sincerely hope that you get the help you need and things can improve. It sounds daft but that exercise in preparation for the GNR will probably help, especially if you start feeling fitter as a result

[Rayvin 4949]

2 hours ago, Craig said:

Not been around much. My mental health has deteriorated rapidly over the past 10 weeks in both frequency and magnitude. On Monday I contacted the Samaritans for emergency help as I considered the safety of those around me, and myself, to be at risk. I am in the process of seeking urgent professional counselling. 

Without going into specific details as I am aware this place is open to public viewing and therefore not what I'd consider a 'safe' environment, I was subjected to mental, phyiscal and sexual abuse as a child. This is something I've suppressed for over 30 years but is now manifesting in me being unable to contain my emotions and causes severe meltdowns and rage. Alcohol is not a trigger but it is most certainly an accelerant and I've chosen to abstain from it whilst I go through my healing process. 

What I wish for is to be at peace and, possibly weirdly, to be able to forgive the person that did this to me. The magnitude is so great that forgetting is just not possible so I feel forgiveness will be be my saviour.

 

You have my total respect for this post and what you've expressed here. I'm sorry for what you went through - and indeed what you're still going through, but you're taking all the right steps here I think. Forgiveness is an understandable and laudable goal for precisely the reason you've set out - I think you're approaching this correctly and I wish you the very best in tackling it. You'll make it through this mate.

[Monkeys Fist 38535]

Craig mate, you’ve taken the first steps in the right direction, don’t look for the finish line, just keep taking the steps. 
You’ll get there mate. 

[Renton 17576]

2 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Craig mate, you’ve taken the first steps in the right direction, don’t look for the finish line, just keep taking the steps. 
You’ll get there mate. 

 

That's good advice for the Great North Run. Have you any advice for his emotional predicament though?

 

All jokes aside when you're in a place like this you do need to take every day at a time, BUT at the same time peek up occasionally and try to see the bigger picture, and focus on hte positive things in your life. 

[Dr Gloom 19720]

a mate of mine who went through dark times during the pandemic adopted that famous churchill quote as his daily mantra: when you're going through hell, keep going. 

 

there were times he said when he felt he'd hit the bottom and wanted to stop, but he kept getting out of bed every day, kept meeting his therapist - just kept going even though he felt like stopping. it wasn't easy (he also swears by finding the right medication, which took a while), but he's like a new man today.

 

i hope you can find a way to keep going too craig. i find exercise keeps me balanced. i'm a big believer in its mental health benefits. admittedly i'm not going through the same things as you and it sounds like it's something you're trying too if you're training for the GNR - good luck with that. i sincerely believe that throwing yourself into a physical training programme is brilliant for all-round wellbeing.