Tdansmith 2068 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Lets hope it's not a relegation party Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12734 Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Heard a great Ryder story the other day actually. Basically, he always has his predicted line-ups when he's doing match previews and for, I think, Watford or Man United, one of the two, he put Dummett in at left-back, even when Rafa had come out and said he wasn't fit enough to play. So, one of the junior writers changed it to Manquillo to avoid their chief sports writer looking like a buffoon and published it. Apparently when Ryder found out, he kicked off big style asking why they'd changed it until someone pointed out Rafa's pre-match quotes, which Ryder had quoted in his preview, that pointed to Dummett not playing I'll try and remember some more but that one is double verified. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30226 Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19720 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 classic ryder prose. didn't even need to check the byline to know who penned this non-story If Newcastle merely emerge without being demoralised against moneybags Man City that may count as something positive for United, even if it is something nobody will be shouting about. http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/newcastle-united-handed-odds-181-14156590 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13804 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Sounds like the dialogue from Rick and Morty when they do intergalactic cable, which was funny for a while but people went off a bit after the way the Americans went on over that sauce but it can occasionally be still good now and then. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trooper 940 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 It's time we had a proper update from Ryder about the takeover & transfer window over to you HMHM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26590 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 1 hour ago, trooper said: It's time we had a proper update from Ryder about the takeover & transfer window over to you HMHM. Do not tempt me, shallow one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 When you take a look at Lee Ryder, how he writes, his attitude, the unbelievably incredible fact he wins journalistic awards, you have to say it would be easy to make a film about him. It would be the funniest film in recent years, I'd camp out over night to be the first one to see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trooper 940 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 He writes the articles in crayon then gets cockeye Mala to type them up thats his excuse anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26144 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Did you not see Forrest Gump? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30226 Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2068 Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 17 hours ago, trooper said: It's time we had a proper update from Ryder about the takeover & transfer window I wonder what user name he uses on here and Newcastle on line ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 On 1/16/2018 at 11:18, Ant said: hasn't @Happy Face done chronicle stuff now? surely he can provide the inside scoop on the knightryder I've never had the pleasure of Ryder's conversation. I avoid him like the plague on Twitter. The couple of blogs I did for them were sorted with Douglas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26590 Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 16/02/2018 The Rise and Fall of the Ryder Empire. Alreet diary? Been a while like. Ah thought mebbeez it was time to knock the entries on the heed, after all, unlike me cutting NUFC analisi, anallysi, err, insights, nee cunt actually read me personal diary apart from me! Anyways, Despite being top dog of the NE media ah wiz getting the impression that some were starting to get a bit starstruck by some of the other, newer kids on the NUFC block. For instance, ah noticed there was a NE press forum thingy to aid the Newcastle foodbank and the cheeky cunts didn't invite yours truly but had a few Johnny come latelys like Caulkin, Edwards, Bird, Hope and even that sly cunt Douglas who said fuck ahl in the canteen aboot it the morning before he went on. They even had mackem split-arse Louise 'Whese keyes are theyse' Taylor before me! Divvent get mad, get even is what they ahl say and the boy Ryder was aboot to do both. Ah noticed things were quieting doon with the takeover which was obviously fucking horrendous news as it was a piece of piss to keep regujita, regerger, err, bringing up the same shite in different ways then gannin for a few swift ones in the Bacchus but ah'd also had a bit of gen from one of me invaluable contacts here at Thomson house, one Mr Eddie Eats and his bloater missus, 'She who must be fed'. He reckoned one of the waiters at the Koh-i-noor let on that a certain Michael James Wallace Ashley had been in on a thorsda neet and said he'd been in sometimes other nights. Fucking jackpot! That's what sets the Knight Ryder apart from the likes of Douglas, the quality of me shit hot contacts, and talking of hot and shit ah was ganna have to take one for the team Ryder and mebbees get a vindaloo to listen to the takeover craic and risk a bit of Gandhi's revenge to get ahead of the competition. Ah got home that neet, got some of me black football boot polish and smeared it ahl ower me face and hoyed a toowel rund me nappa. 'They'll never be able to tell' ah said to mesel as ah headed off for the famous Geordie/Indian restaurant. Ah got there just before opening time, went rund the back door and persuaded the head chef gadgie that ah was a new temp kitchen staff ordered by the owner and he fell for it despite giving iz some strange looks. Ah tried to wash a few dishes and serve the customers waiting for the Shirebrook supremo to walk in and would mutter 'Goodness gracious me, I am standing right here beside myself' now and again to throw everyone off me Geordie scent. Anyways, patience is a virtue in this game as ahl the auld journalist sweats like me good self will tell you and right enough after half an hour in walked the sports direct guru, the fat cockney bastard himself, Mr Mike Ashley with my former top contact, Lee 'Penfold' Charnley. Ah let Gupta gan ower and tek his order whilst ah stood behind him also with my pen and notepad oot pretending to copy the order but really writing doon ahl the NUFC takeover craic which ah just knew me loyal punters would lap the fuck up. Ashley took his mobile out and rang someone. "Oi! Bish! What you up to you old fackin' slag? Hahaha! Listen, put the fackin' cast of 'the only way is essex' on hold and tell Linda Lusardi you're busy washing your fackin' Y fronts! I want you to get back onto talksport and get them on fackin' message, fackin' capice?" Wow! So it was true! Mike really DID like football and was joining in some top soccer debate on the drivetime topic, 'Is Rafa a Spanish whinging cunt?' hosted by Adrian Durham and the fat Yorkshire ex-cricketer, Darren Gough. Ah was desperately writing ahl this doon when in walked the lads from the Seaton Sluice social club on a Leo Sayer! They walked in, pissed as cunts when one of them said to iz, "How! Gunga-Din! Eight pints and eight chicken phals, bonny lad!" Fuck! It was Mala of the not so much 20/20 vision! Ah mumbled something like "Bud, bud, ding ding, certainly wor kid" but ah knew ah was sussed the moment ah said it. "Lee! What the fuck yi deeing you daft cunt?" Shit! Ah had to get oot of there sharpish with my dynamite NUFC info. The head waiter said "I knew you were taking the piss you fucking arsehole!" and chased iz oot through the kitchen and into the back alley and ah spilt a bowl of balti ahl ower me new LeShark jumper. The waiter had iz cornered and fancied his chances but he obviously had nee idea who he was up against. Fucking West Ham, Millwall, Leeds, Man U the lot, nen of them had been able to break the escort to get the better of the Toon army foot soldier Ryder and this cunt wasn't going to either. Ah was aboot to swing a punch but then ah clocked the kids trainers, fucking Lonsdale! The kid was obviously desperate with nowt to lose and ah knew ah didn't have time to do the dance with the lad so ah flicked a bit of balti off me shirt into his eye and pushed past him to get the Metro home and write up tomorrows Ronny Gill back page which would not only satisfy me loyal punters, not only get one over on Caulkin and co, but would mean ah could knock off sharp and have a pint with the lads in the club and fill them in with me never ending Toon exploits! Anyways, things to do, awards to win! Lol! Laters. Ryder and out! 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 9926 Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Lonsdale Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoneColdStephenIreland 74 Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Amazing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12447 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Rumbled by Mala Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16475 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 pure class Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30226 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Le Shark jumper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26590 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 28/02/2018 "Lee. How did this happen? It's almost like '50 shades of grey' where you're the intrepid reporter trying to interview me and we just can't hold off each other. It's almost an animal attraction which I just can't explain." Amanda said. Fucking wow! Ah was known as the Ronny Gill Casanova for a good reason but even ah was punching above me weight here, like, not only was a getting a posh bit of lovely stuff dripping like a broken fridge but it was none other than the 'lass who would be Queen', Amanda fucking Staveley!!! Ah'd nipped up to the cathedral on the hill to try and get Rafa's or super skipper Jamaal's take on the Bournemouth roller coaster game when I bumped into our would be owner Amanda. "Hi! Amanda! It's Lee. Lee Ryder of the Chronicle. I'm the go-to man in these parts for getting your message to the punters." She said, "I've already had a chat with George Caulk..." Ah dived straight in just like ah did at Mcdonalds in Rotherham last year when some lippy teenager tried to get previous with iz in the queue. "Mands. Can ah call you that, flower? look, Caulkin's a nice kid but he doesn't have the same clout as yours truly with the Toon Army." Ah gave her the eye and a knowing look as being this close to her got me feeling fucking full of the Frankie Vaughan. The feeling was clearly mutual as she telt iz she wanted to go somewhere quiet for a tab and we could talk then. Ah fucking knew it! The Knight Ryder would be thrusting his flashing blade tonight the way things were going. We went into the car park in a quiet spot and Amanda gave me her 50 shades craic before getting close to me and running her hand up my thigh!! Ah looked into her eyes and was aboot to kiss her when she opened her mouth and licked my face! The kinky fucking bitch!! It must be true what they say about these posh sorts! She did it again and her tongue was fucking massive and ah couldn't believe just how bad her breath was. "Lee! Lee! Lee, Man! yer breakfasts ready son!" Ah opened me eyes and saw me Muthas dog, 'Peter Haddock' licking me face! Fuck! Me heed was busting and ah remembered ah'd went round to me ma's half pissed for me tea, had a few more drinks there and stopped in me old room as ah couldn't be arsed to walk home in the snow and cold. It was just a dream! This barren spell must've been playing tricks with me mind, ah'd been so engrus, ingross, err, too much into getting all the NUFC takeover info to me loyal punters that ah was neglecting the time honoured art of getting some sexual interflora with the hinnies of the Bigg Market! The sacrifices us award winning journalists make for the bloke in the street who are just desperate for their daily NUFC fix will never be truly known but ah divvent mind as ah love me fans as ah'm one mesel! lol! Anyways, ah had a full English then went hyem, had a shower, phoned the office and told Mark Douglas ah was snowed in before planning a night oot to get the Ryder love ink flowing with some lucky lady tonight! Laters, Diary! Lol! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16475 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mighty Hog 330 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 The Knight Ryder and his flashing blade! Fucking hell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bombadil 0 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Logging in just to post this: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26590 Posted April 8, 2018 Share Posted April 8, 2018 When you're an award winning journalist, you lead, ex-players follow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGingerQuiff 2412 Posted April 19, 2018 Share Posted April 19, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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