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The Secret Diary of Lee Ryder (aged 44 and a half)


Craig
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  • 3 weeks later...

Some Ryder classics there...

 

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Are you confident the prospective new owners will pass the Premier League test?

That’s a question only the Premier League can answer and they’ve consistently said: “No comment”.

 

 

To be fair, if I was asked if someone else is confident about something I wouldn’t comment as well.

Also the valuation of the Longstaffs...

Edited by Isegrim
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unsurprisingly questions about the takeover dominated the session tonight.” 

Especially since it's described as Lee Ryder's NUFC takeover Q & A

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8 hours ago, Isegrim said:
To be fair, if I was asked if someone else is confident about something I wouldn’t comment as well.

But surely he is being asked if he is confident, so the answer is either "yes" or "no" isn't it?

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1 hour ago, RobinRobin said:

But surely he is being asked if he is confident, so the answer is either "yes" or "no" isn't it?

That's the point. The PL has nothing to do with it...

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  • 2 months later...

"Well diary, long time no see, ah was just about to set off for graft as some clever cunt, or so-called clever cunt had intraduc, introjuice, err brought in social distancing into Thomson house and we all had to go back after dialling it in through the lockdown until ah mentioned us all bunching up as we all started together so ah managed to get staggered starts so ah was still in the house when me batphone rang. "Hello, Lee Ryder, award winning sports journalist, Newcastle chronicle, speak to me." It was pigeon chest Campbell. "Alreet, Lee? We were ah'll on WhatsApp yesterday and we're gannin to Benidorm on Tuesday. Ah'll the lads are up for it, last minute but are you up for it? Mala said he'd ring you but ah seen him this morning in the toon getting a new phone, he dropped his old one doon the bog so ah said ahe'd phone you instead." Fucking get in, ah thought. Ah could do with a lads piss up so was on it quicker than Brucie giving a vague NUFC recollection as a bairn. Ah got into work at half ten and moaned on about the mettees being off again. Ah put me holidays in with Gibbo and then bumped into Mark Douglas who told me that Saint-Maximin had won the Ronny Gill player of the year. The award was always done at the end of the season and it would've been me handing it over this year but ah was going to be full of Cruzcampo in Benidorm with the lads and hopefully balls deep in some lucky senoritas so wouldn't be able to hand it over to the French wing wizard. Mark asked if I was ok to do it and this is what separates the Ryder's from the Douglas's of this world. "Aye, nee bother wor kid, ah'll pick the trophy up when ah go on me dinner today." Douggy asked me why and ah filled him up with some shite about needing a week to psyche mesel up and using the trophy as inspiration. Anyways, ah headed up to the cathedral on the hill on me dinner hour, handed over the award to the Gallic electric eel, Allan whilst getting a piss easy 'over the moon to be here' story and making sure le magnifique froggy swapped his phone number for the chronicle trophy so ah had another toon superstar on tap, up here for thinking, doon there for dancing and yet another example for any budding regional sports journalist of how the fuck to get stuff done! Lol. Anyways, bags to pack, Kamagra to get. Laters."

 

 

 

Edited by Howmanheyman
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39 minutes ago, Ayatollah Hermione said:

:lol: Lovely touch about the Metros being cancelled yesterday. That sort of local flavour is what makes your stories come alive.

Pure guesswork!

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:lol: I love that they always tag that Geordie dentist. I know people were hanging off everything he said over BZG as they were from the country he lives in, but I can’t see him being an expert on what the Saudis are doing. 

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1 hour ago, Howmanheyman said:

Clash of the Titans! Immovable object meets unstoppable force.....

 

 

:lol:

Step aside, Knight Ryder, it’s my understanding that there’s a new king in town, according to people familiar with the situation. 

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I can’t understand how people can knock his credentials. I am pretty sure he has a story in the pipeline about what fun88 does actually mean. A lot of people think it is about letters I the alphabet. But while the suggestion of fun88 does stand for “fun heil hitler” is popular in some parts of Boldon the 88 does actually stand for a little known character of the Chinese alphabet representing the wird “fa” the acronym for “four (brown) ales”, meaning the minimum umber of alcohol to consume to find him bearable.

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  • 4 weeks later...

 

Alan Shearer: 'Right, so first of all you make sure you can afford it. Then, you get in touch with Ashley to tell him your offer. If he's ok with it you show him proof of funds and pay a fee to look at the books. If you're ok with what you see then Ashley informs the PL.......Did you get all that?......ok, happy to help. See you later.'

 

 

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2 hours ago, Howmanheyman said:

 

Alan Shearer: 'Right, so first of all you make sure you can afford it. Then, you get in touch with Ashley to tell him your offer. If he's ok with it you show him proof of funds and pay a fee to look at the books. If you're ok with what you see then Ashley informs the PL.......Did you get all that?......ok, happy to help. That’s £50,000 for the consultation. Cheers lads.’

 

 

Added to your post

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:lol: I see Steve Wraith is giving this one his approval. Makes it feel super genuine now that Steve is interested in it and they have two ex players that know absolutely fuck all about buying a club consulting on it. I look forward to Wraith putting up pictures of the Tyne bridge with the flag of whatever country the people involved originate from in the background, what a little fucking rat he is man. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Bruce used loans as he hoped to save money in January for his summer transfer kitty but the virus pandemic has saw finances cut at St James' Park, with the manager admitting last week: "That could only happen to me!"     

Fuck me, where to start with this paragraph? I’m not even going to mention the grammar - sack the sub editor - but a virus doesn’t have eyes, it cannot see, let alone saw. Nor is it a carpenter taking tools to NUFC’s finances. 

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