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The Secret Diary of Lee Ryder (aged 44 and a half)


Craig
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2 hours ago, TheGingerQuiff said:

He blocked me this morning and must have been on my timeline and reported all of my tweets where I call him a cunt :lol: 12 hours in the Twitter sin bin for me

I've got 6 days for calling someone else a cunt. Mental when you see the borderline fruitlubes posting to their hearts content. :D

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On 31/05/2019 at 22:23, Howmanheyman said:

The secret diary of Lee Ryder (aged 44 and a half)

 

Transcript of live feed Twitter broadcast. (Edited by the evening chronicle)

 

Lee Ryder: "Welcome to our outside broadcast and today we're in the sweltering heat and absolute vastness of the Arabian desert to discuss the s**t hot news of the takeover at Newcastle United football club. I've flew out here to dig deep and find out about the movers and shakers but am taking time out to answer all my loyal punters questions at this crazy time in magpies history. Fire away!"

 

Troopz1967: " I've heard it's all a parcel of s***e and fatty is even now chiselling all the lead off the pipes in St James' park to sell at the quayside market."

 

Lee Ryder: "Alright, Troopz? Troopz, let me tell you, some of my sources here in Abu Dubai are Adam and the ants it's all happening, wor kid."

 

MalcolmNUFC: "Have you got to any of them harem's yet you dirty c**t? Giddup!"

 

Lee Ryder: "Not now, Mala, I'll bell you after. Laters."

 

ChristmasTree@clubtropicana: "Will the Sheikh open up a fans social club?"

 

Lee Ryder: "My sources say there'll be massive investment not just in the playing staff but also in the community. Get the domino cards at the ready, Christmas Tree!"

 

AntCOYBIG@TaytoCastle: "Sure I'm not even from Newcastle but I can see Tynemouth Priory in the background. You're not in the middle east."

 

LeazesLad: "It's DEFINITELY King Edward's bay. What a weapons grade f*** nugget this kid is. You could pick 100 random people in the toon and they'd have more clue than you. Not even joking."

 

Lee Ryder: "Err, I can see your confusion, Ant. That's not Tynemouth priory, and I'm not on the beach at King Edward's bay, I'm in the middle east in the desert and that's an, err, old French foreign legion fort that was over ran by Arab warriors in 1865 or something."

 

Josh@ThomsonHouseaccountsdept: "Hi Lee, just a quick one. I've got your expenses for an all day metro ticket to the coast for today but you'll need a receipt for your food and drink at the 'Gibraltar Rock'. Cheers, mate."

 

Lee Ryder: "Err, I'll see you tomorrow at the canteen when I fly back from Abu Dubai, Josh."

 

SheilaRyder1948: "Lee, I'm popping in to the Harbour View. Do you want anything for your tea? I just fancy a chippy. Love, Mam. X "

 

Lee Ryder: "Well, err, that's it for now for my outdoor fact finding mission in the land of Lawrence of Arabia. Until next time. Laters."

 

 

 

 

Lee Ryder: "Can you get me a carton of curry with my fish and chips, mam?"

 

 

 

"Adam & the ants" I luv it :D

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  • 2 weeks later...

Anyone noticed that when Ryder reports negativity he's always carefully to say "some fans" suggesting not very many.

 

Andrew Musgrave or whatever his name is tweeted yesterday that the reaction to Joelinton was a bit "meh". He is of course correct.

 

Ryder today reporting that fans were delighted with the signing. Not "some fans" which is clearly the case(a minority). Also says more signings needed to win over "some" fans. (Most).

 

He really is a fuckin wanker

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https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/borussia-dortmund-defender-labels-joelinton-16686194.amp?__twitter_impression=true

 

Opening line of that article man. I'm fucking sick of the cunts. Is ANYONE barring twitter fifa bairns excited about ANYTHING the club has done this summer? When they report protests or anger it's always "some fans". When reporting positivity it's just "fans" like it's all of us. They are outright club propaganda.

Edited by TheGingerQuiff
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  • 3 months later...

How can someone that works as a journalist (and I mean that in the loosest sense of the word when referring to L.R.) not know the difference between physiological and psychological

 

This is from today's article about the game.

"Fast forward to 2009 and relegation on a day when Villa fans took pleasure in waving Newcastle goodbye from the top-flight after 16 years in the division.

It's a day in which any Geordie fans who went through it still has the physiological scars to show for an utterly bitter experience."

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Just now, Dr Gloom said:

That second sentence, even without the physiological blunder, is gibberish.

 

I was just about to post something similar. It’s fucking painful (physiologically). 

  • Haha 3
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