Ayatollah Hermione 12736 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Looking forward to when you develop the Ryder/Remi relationship, mate. Think there's some real dramatic tension to be gained from that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatty 24 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Genuinely amusing Had a little choke at the fret/threat banter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12447 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Glad we have Ryder on the beat to chase the news. Getting too big for Remi now eh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26606 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Looking forward to when you develop the Ryder/Remi relationship, mate. Think there's some real dramatic tension to be gained from that. Glad we have Ryder on the beat to chase the news. Getting too big for Remi now eh. Hmmmn........Might be the other way around if things go a little bit Brokeback Mountain. See how it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 You've already hinted at his Japsy leaking, now you add that brain screamer? Fucks sake man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12447 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26606 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 30/12/2014 Don't know where to start with this entry, diary. Ah had a fucking mental day the day, what with King Pardew abdicating and doing a bit for Talksport with Georgie Bingham and Quinny. Ah had to promise to take the former number nine Toon hitman on a Leo Sayer next week when he was back on Tyneside for getting them to ring me and not Neil Cameron for the Newcastle journalist they wanted to talk to but it was worth it to get some national exposure plus some exposure to the very sexy sounding Miss Bingham, ah swear to God ah couldn't even concentrate on her questions, man without daydreaming of bending her ower! Anyways, ah gets to bed late after me busy schedule, then have a few late night drinks with a bit of cheese as ah had the munchies. Ah had this dream which started off fantastic. Ah was in a radio studio, just me and Georgie Bingham! Georgie said that the mighty Quinn was away from the studio and at the races and would ah like to have a go at her mighty Quimm instead? Obviously ah was ah'll over her like rash! Ah was like a babies arm holding an apple! But y'knaa how dreams are a bit surreal, like? Well Georgie looked like Halle Berry in my dream but with Georgie's voice! fucking super duper so far with nee complaints from the Ryder! Then after kissing and pulling away a bit, ah was just aboot to go down and grab a hold of the other mighty Quimm when ah noticed a bit of a bulge and her panties were fucking Y-Dogs!!!! Ah looks up and 'Halle Berry' had turned into Remi fucking Streete!!!!!! Ah woke up screaming!! It must be the pressure! It must have been the cheese, ah make a vow there and then to knock the late night cheese eating right on the fucking head!! Ah gets up, puts the lap top and look up dream meanings on google. Apparently dreams can be metaforr, meterferss, err, can mean something totally different to what they are so I'm not batting for the other side just yet, y'fuckers!!! Just to test it out ah hoy 'Babestation' on and ah feel stirrings in me undercarriage area and the Ryder snake started to make his presence known. Phew! Ah'm still not only a clear and present danger to the North-East world of football, but also to the female population home & away. Ah make a mental note to ask Quinny what Georgie looks like but after me dream, mebbees not, like. Laters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 14527 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Email that to Quinny, I expect he'd like it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoneColdStephenIreland 74 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Fucking hell :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Dear god Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13808 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 the Ryder snake started to make his presence known Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13808 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Here's another of Ryder's dreams. https://twitter.com/geordieshaun/status/550351592273477632 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 You've done that on purpose HMHM, I will not forget this treachery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26606 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/alan-shearer-foundation-ball-toon-8467794 http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/freddy-shepherd-backs-john-carver-8464090? The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 17/01/2015 Well diary, ah got a scoop from absolutely nowhere today, ah was heading into the East end of the City on my way to Wallsend to interview one of the coaches of Wallsend boys club about some of the professional footballers they have churned out on their production line when ah couldn’t hold me piss in ah was that bursting. Instead of going through the Byker by-pass ah turned left and went up Shields Road and parked just off it to go to the nearest boozer forra piss. Anyways after shaking the Ryder snake and zipping up in the Raby ah got asked if ah wanted any baccy by one of their clientele, ah refused but got asked the same thing by about three more people before ah’d left the premises and denied ah was a ‘bizzie’ by a further two punters. Ah got out unscathed but heard a commotion outside of the post office, apparently there was an old fashioned scrap going on between two pensioners! A right old battle was being had when ah recognised one of them as former Toon Supremo, one Frederick Shepherd! “Fucking seventy three years old y’bastaads and am still fighting me way to and from Byker” shouted the man who broke the World record transfer fee to sign Alan Shearer to his opponent, only instead of fighting to get to and from school he was fighting to get in the queue for his pension. Being the Trinity Mirror group regional sports writer of the year ah didn’t hang about waiting for an introduction, “Freddy! It’s Lee Ryder of the Chronicle. Who do you think should get the Managers job at the Toon?” Ah says, “Ah knaa you appointed Dalglish and Souness so would love your expert opinion.” The Byker Bulldog looked me up and down and said, “Where’s my bitch, Alan Oliver? He’s the one ah tell what to write. Who the fuck are you, you daft looking cunt?” Ah replied sharpish letting him know you couldn’t intimidate the former terrace Mag Ryder so easily, “Ah’m the main man at the Ronny now, Freddy, Oliver left Town a while back”. Freddy then spilled the beans about giving Geordie boy John Carver the St. James’ Park gig before telling me he was off to Alan Shearers charity do at the Gateshead Hilton. Quicker than a Peter Beardsley through ball ah was hot footing it back over to the swanky Tyneside hotel. Ah’d stopped off first in the Toon and hired a tuxedo and sneaked in the back entrance. As soon as ah got in ah couldn’t believe it, there was big Al with his family, there was former midfield dynamo Rob Lee, Freddy was there along with Robbie Savage and making a special appearance to perform some songs was X factor judge Gary Barlow! It was Savage who was the first person to speak to me, “A glass of Chardonnay for the Missus, Chief and I’ll have the Champagne.” He said. “Eh?” ah replies, he then asked if I was deaf and said he expected better service from the waiting staff before asking me if ah knew who he was? Ah made a sharp exit towards Shearer but ended up going through the wrong door into Barlow’s dressing room. “Who the fuck are you?” the Tory tax avoiding nineties singer asked me. “”Hi Gary, I’m Lee Ryder from the Newcastle Evening Chronicle. Can ah ask you a few questions?” Barlow replied, “No you cannot you fucking baldy Gimp, get the fuck out! How dare you!” Ah then told him how much ah admired his music and he relented and let me have three questions. Ah said, “Gary, who was your favourite football team?” He said “United” and ah bit me lip instead of smashing him in the mush as WE are the only United in these parts. Ah then asked who his favourite player was and he said Cantona. Me last question was “How did you cope when you and the rest of the lads from East17 split up?” He then got up and grabbed my neck and shouted that ah was a piss taking Geordie bastard before throwing me out. Ah decided to let him off as it was a charity event but he’s the first and last Manc who will try it on with the former Toon Army foot soldier. Ah decided to settle for Freddies crack as my main story for me loyal readers as security told me Alan was busy and they’d call the Police if ah didn’t leave. Obviously the security Goon was a Mackem and didn’t like me but you can’t have it all your way and Shepherd could tell his flock who the next Toon boss would be courtesy of the Knight Ryder. Laters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12447 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 The scary part is I could actually see him thinking most of this stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 The really scary part is that HMHM only wrote the first two- the rest are all genuine Knight Ryder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12447 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19736 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 ryder needs to get on the blower to penguin, he's got a best seller on his hands here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26606 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 21/01/2015 He's a great lad, he's a canny lad, He's a sight for sore eyes, Yes, We've got Lee Ryder, Writin' 'bout the Magpies! Well ah woke up this morning, Well really it was after one, And ah switched on me laptop, To see what was on, And then what ah saw, Cor, It nearly knocked me doon, The pure fucking gold dust, Lee Ryder wrote aboot the Toon He's a great la....... BEEP BEEP!!!! BEEP BEEP!!!! BEEP BEEP!!!! This was how ah woke up this morning, ah was dreaming ah was at a special Tyne Tees award ceremony to honour outstanding North East figures. Ah was chosen as the best North East Sports Media representative and they'd managed to get the famous Geordie, 'Don Juan' to revise his 80's tribute song, 'Wor Kev' and change it to 'Wor Lee' as I was collecting my award from Roger Tames when me morning alarm interrupted the award ceremony. Ah smiled to meself and thought this might just be an omen. Anyways, when ah got into work ah could feel something was afoot in the Thomson House nerve centre, there was a few hushed voices and the tension was pulpa, palpob, where you could almost feel it! Even Mr Eats wasn't munching into something. Ah overheard one of the office juniors say we were getting our first big club interview since the ban was lifted and ah thought back to me dream that morning, an omen indeed! Ah walked up to Gibbo's office as me workmate, Neil Cameron walked out and asked John what was up? What was the big secret? Gibbo said that Lee Charnley was giving The Chronicle an exclusive interview as we'd played ball so far with being onside since the big thaw in relations between The icons of NUFC and Thomson House. In this new Geordie Glasnost we were getting first dibs on the new Toon supremo and his thoughts about carefully selected questions! "That's fucking great, John!" Ah says, "When will he be here and where shall ah interview him?" Gibbo coughed and ah thought he's going to have to watch his lifestyle, like, but he then said, "Err, Lee, I err, I kinda thought I'd pass this one onto Cams, like." Ah thought me hearing was going on the blink, "Wha, wha, what?!" ah said, "Ya fucking kiddin' aren't ya? Did ah just imagine that Trinity Mirror Group regional sports writer of the year award or what?!" Gibbo replied, "Lee! Lee! calm down, son. This story isn't for you, trust me." "How the fuck do you make that one out?" ah answered back. Gibbo then explained to me how Charnley was just a glorified office boy, an accountant in all but name. "Lee, son, he'll just come out with facts and figures and use his fancy big words, that's not what youre about, kidda. You're the main man the punters want to read, you talk their language, they want to read your stuff about ex players and Geordie legends as well as your brilliant match reports. The biggest compliment I can give you, son, is this.......if you weren't writing for the Chronicle, you'd be first in queue to buy it on a Monday morning, that's why the punters love you." Ah couldn't believe this was his excuse in not giving me the Charnley scoop, Ah was staggered, ah was stunned. They say we're a dead eyed bunch in journalism with no emotions but ah was gobsmacked and genuinely touched. "You believe that? That the punters love me 'cos ah'm one of them?" Ah sniffed, "Err, whey aye, man!" Gibbo exclaimed. Ah then thanked him for his kind words before passing Neil Cameron interviewing Charnley. Aye, fuck you, Cams, ah thought. You stick to interviewing Penfold, Ah'm off to interview the legendary Freddy Shepherd. Stick that in ya pipe and smoke it. Lo and behold two hours later ah've got 'Ashley, Royal Bank of Rangers' headlines from the Byker bruiser, the one time Chief supremo of Barrack Road. Me loyal readers will lap it up and it comes, as always, via the peoples writer, one Lee Ryder esq. Ah'm Goff. See-ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34167 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 quality stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayvin 4949 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 It is fucking good like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26173 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Every superhero needs an arch-enemy, I think Ryder has found his. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12447 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Aye think we're seeing a new battle in Lee's life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Can @yourservice knock up a Ryderman pic please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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