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if you heard a joke today, post it


Dr Gloom
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Old gadgie sitting in his garden sees a kid walking past with some chicken wire…

” Where you going with that chicken wire, son?”

” I’m off to catch some chickens”, says the kid

Old gadgie shakes his head and mutters,

“ You won’t catch chickens with chickenwire!”

Half an hour later the kid walks past with three chickens tied up with the wire. 
“ Well bugger me” says the old fella. 


Next day the same kid walked past with some duct tape. 
“ Where are you going without duct tape son?”

“ i’m going to go and catch some ducks at the pond”

Old fella shakes his head and mutters,

” You won’t catch ducks with duct tape!”

Half an hour later the kid walks past with four ducks all taped up. 
“Well shit the bed!” says the old lad. 

Next day the kid walks past with some pussy willow branches. 

Old lad shouts, 
“ Oh hang on their son I’ll get me walking stick!”

 

I thangew. 

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Young polar bear asks his dad "am I a real polar bear" his dad replies of course you are I'm a polar your a polar bear  we are polar bears. The youngster walks away. 10 minutes later the youngsters back again and says  am i a real polar bear his dad replies I'm a polar bear your mams a polar your a polar bear we're polar bears. So off he goes again 10 minutes later he's back again with the same question am I a real polar bear. By now his dads getting pissed off he says look son I'm a polar bear your mams a polar bear your grandad & grandma are polar bears so your a polar. So why do you keep asking the same question. The youngster replies because I'm fucking freezing 

Edited by trooper
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7 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Mrs kicked me out because she’s had enough of me quoting Schwarzenegger incorrectly. 
 

 

Don’t worry… I’ll return. 

huh-ew.gif

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On 02/10/2021 at 13:43, Monkeys Fist said:

My mate reckons he’s half Indian. 
 

“ No, Ian, you’re not. “


 

 

I’m here all week. 

See gifs above :lol: 

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