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if you heard a joke today, post it


Dr Gloom
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7 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Showed my mates the tattoos I got recently in Malaga, and they were surprised at the level of detail on them. 
 

I said, aye…

7b0wph.gif

 

 

I’ll just see myself out, thanks. 

Celebrate In Love GIF by HBO Max

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  • 2 weeks later...
1 hour ago, RobinRobin said:

I was attacked today by six dwarves ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not Happy 

:smile:

 

stop stealing my jokes! 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Person 1 : My surname is Smith because my father was a Smith. He used to spend all day every day beating metal and creating weaponry.

Person 2 : My surname is Plumber. My father was a plumber. He spent all day every day clearing pipes and making sure the water flowed where it should.

Person 3 : My surname is Dickinson…

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3 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

We went wild camping and the only drinking water was from a deep hole in the ground. 
I took a bucket but it was too wide for the hole. 
 

 

 

 

It didn’t go down well. 


that reminds me. I saw an old man the other day who fell into a well

 

i guess he couldn’t see that well 

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15 hours ago, Dr Gloom said:

I once had a fight in a toilet.

 

Serious shit went down.

 

11 hours ago, Dr Gloom said:


that reminds me. I saw an old man the other day who fell into a well

 

i guess he couldn’t see that well 

 

no man GIF

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Bloke suspects his missus is having an affair so he pretends to go to work but goes on a drive before returning an hour later. Lo and behold he he sees movement upstairs so he lets himself in to hear their lass screaming in ecstasy, he goes ballistic, grabs a knife lying on the bench, runs upstairs and sees his pal giving his wife a good scudding. Blinded by rage and hurt he plunges his knife in the ex-pal and as his mate slumps to floor dead his missus says, 'Well if that's how you're going to go on you'll have no mates left!'

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3 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Bloke fell in a vat of liquid nitrogen and had a body temperature of -273.15°C when they pulled him out. 
 

They pronounced him dead but he was OK. 

Schitts Creek No GIF by CBC

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I've opened a gym, where the instructors would go from door to door, to tell people about the benefits of joining it.


I’ve named it Jehovah’s Fitness

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