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if you heard a joke today, post it


Dr Gloom
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14 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

I've opened a gym, where the instructors would go from door to door, to tell people about the benefits of joining it.


I’ve named it Jehovah’s Fitness

Im Out Morgan Freeman GIF

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17 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Bloke walks in to a Glasgow bakers and says,

” Is that a cream bun or a meringue?”

Baker says,

” No, you’re right, it’s a cream bun “

 

 

 

 

Wahey! 

 

Only ever heard that one as a Geordie bakers. :lol: (and the Elvis pet mouse joke is some age, robin robin!) 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Bloke walks in to a Glasgow bakers and says,

” Is that a cream bun or a meringue?”

Baker says,

” No, you’re right, it’s a cream bun “

 

 

 

 

Wahey! 

I've seen Wee Bobby Thompson perform that joke live, and it was the Queen at a garden party at Buckingham Palace asking him if he wanted a cake or a meringue

Edited by spongebob toonpants
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10 hours ago, spongebob toonpants said:

I've seen Wee Bobby Thompson perform that joke live, and it was the Queen at a garden party at Buckingham Palace asking him if he wanted a cake or a meringue


the little waster :lol:  

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8 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Mrs. F. once caught me doing a Callum Wilson (allegedly), and went full redhead and cut all my clothes up. 
 

Anyway, that was a few years ago and we’ve patched things up since. 
 

speedball-frank.gif

 

 

I wasn't looking properly and totally thought this was a reply to the Joe Willock ripped sweater thread. Seemed a bit of out of character for you, but hey, we all do things we regret etc... :lol:  

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Just now, Monkeys Fist said:

Dyslexic mate of mine has acknowledged his alcoholism and joined the RAC. 

 

I've got one who went down an internet rabbit hole, joined the occult and sold his soul to Santa.

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An Italian rabbit called Pierro hops in to the same bar and asks the barman for a cheese and onion toastie and a ham toastie. 
 

He eats them, leaving a terrible mess, and leaves. 
 

Next day, same thing, “ A cheese and onion toastie, and a ham toastie per favore”

Eats, leaves an awful mess, buggers off. 
 

This goes on for days, until finally the barman has had enough, and this time gives him a cheese toastie, and a ham and onion toastie. 

 

Pierro hobbles in the next day, eyes swollen, terribly ill, and collapses in front of the bar. 
 

The horrified barman asks him what happened and, with last breath, Pierro raises his head and says 

“ You- you mix a ma toasties!” 

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38 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

An Italian rabbit called Pierro hops in to the same bar and asks the barman for a cheese and onion toastie and a ham toastie. 
 

He eats them, leaving a terrible mess, and leaves. 
 

Next day, same thing, “ A cheese and onion toastie, and a ham toastie per favore”

Eats, leaves an awful mess, buggers off. 
 

This goes on for days, until finally the barman has had enough, and this time gives him a cheese toastie, and a ham and onion toastie. 

 

Pierro hobbles in the next day, eyes swollen, terribly ill, and collapses in front of the bar. 
 

The horrified barman asks him what happened and, with last breath, Pierro raises his head and says 

“ You- you mix a ma toasties!” 

No Way Monkey GIF

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