trophyshy 6432 Posted May 4, 2023 Share Posted May 4, 2023 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19736 Posted May 5, 2023 Author Share Posted May 5, 2023 I know a bloke who lost three fingers on his right hand. He asked his doctor if he would still be able to write with it. He said: “maybe, but don’t count on it” 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19736 Posted May 11, 2023 Author Share Posted May 11, 2023 What word is always spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34167 Posted May 11, 2023 Share Posted May 11, 2023 3 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: What word is always spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19736 Posted May 11, 2023 Author Share Posted May 11, 2023 38 minutes ago, Gemmill said: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9163 Posted May 12, 2023 Share Posted May 12, 2023 13 hours ago, Gemmill said: 12 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted May 18, 2023 Share Posted May 18, 2023 A mobius strip walks in to a bar, orders a beer , then bursts out crying. That barman asks if there’s something wrong? Strip says “ Where do I even begin? “ 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wardi 82 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 I've just been offered the position of triangle player in a reggae orchestra. It's quite simple really, you just stand at the back and ting. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26606 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26176 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3181 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 1 hour ago, Wardi said: I've just been offered the position of triangle player in a reggae orchestra. It's quite simple really, you just stand at the back and ting. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9163 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 1 hour ago, Kevin Carr's Gloves said: I'm just surprised it wasn't Gloomy posting 🙂 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 A cowboy walks into the bar, only to find it’s empty. Only the bartender, polishing a glass, is behind the bar. “Where’s everyone at?” Asks the cowpoke. “At the hangin’.” Bartender says. “Hangin’?!” The cowboy asks. “Hadn’t heard. Who are they stringing up?” “The Brown Paper Kid.” “The Brown Paper Kid?” “That’s right. Wears brown paper pants, brown paper vest, even a brown paper hat.” Bartender nods looking at the glass. “Damn. Never heard of him. What’d they get him for?” Asks the cowboy. “Rustling.” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8949 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 5 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: A cowboy walks into the bar, only to find it’s empty. Only the bartender, polishing a glass, is behind the bar. “Where’s everyone at?” Asks the cowpoke. “At the hangin’.” Bartender says. “Hangin’?!” The cowboy asks. “Hadn’t heard. Who are they stringing up?” “The Brown Paper Kid.” “The Brown Paper Kid?” “That’s right. Wears brown paper pants, brown paper vest, even a brown paper hat.” Bartender nods looking at the glass. “Damn. Never heard of him. What’d they get him for?” Asks the cowboy. “Rustling.” 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 I’ve recently started selling my religious sculptures. Yet to make a prophet. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26606 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said: A cowboy walks into the bar, only to find it’s empty. Only the bartender, polishing a glass, is behind the bar. “Where’s everyone at?” Asks the cowpoke. “At the hangin’.” Bartender says. “Hangin’?!” The cowboy asks. “Hadn’t heard. Who are they stringing up?” “The Brown Paper Kid.” “The Brown Paper Kid?” “That’s right. Wears brown paper pants, brown paper vest, even a brown paper hat.” Bartender nods looking at the glass. “Damn. Never heard of him. What’d they get him for?” Asks the cowboy. “Rustling.” Reminds me of this shit old joke.... A very camp tourist dressed up like a cowboy with a pink Stetson on walks into a bar in Texas. Camp cowboy tourist: [speaking very camply] "Sooooo..... where's all the rough, tough cowboys?' Bartender: [speaking in a gruff voice] "You just missed 'em, buddy. They'll probably be nearing Rednecksville by now." CCT: "oh boooo! I'll just get on my little pony and ride over there then." An hour later. Gets off his little pony and walks into a bar in Rednecksville. CCT: [speaking very camply] "Sooooo..... where's all the rough, tough cowboys?' Bartender: [speaking in a gruff voice] "You just missed 'em, partner. They'll probably be nearing Hogsville by now." CCT: "Flipping heck, I just want to meet some lovely cowboys. I'll just get on my little pony and head over there I suppose." An hour later in Hogsville. Camp cowboy tourist: [speaking very camply] "Sooooo..... where's all the rough, tough cowboys? I keep missing them, they're playing hard to get with little old me." Bartender: [speaking in a gruff voice] "They're just over yonder ridge, hangin' some faggot so I heard." CCT: [Gulps, pauses then replies in an extremely gruff and gravely voice]....... "You don't say?" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19736 Posted June 2, 2023 Author Share Posted June 2, 2023 32 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: I’ve recently started selling my religious sculptures. Yet to make a prophet. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19736 Posted June 2, 2023 Author Share Posted June 2, 2023 The wife ended up in hospital after a car accident. I got a call from the doctor in a&e who told me she was critical. I said aye, that sounds like her 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26606 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 54 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: The wife ended up in hospital after a car accident. I got a call from the doctor in a&e who told me she was critical. I said aye, that sounds like her 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 What’s grey and bad for your teeth? A sledgehammer. ( this, courtesy of Fist. Jnr. ) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wardi 82 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 'Doctor Doctor, I need some sleeping pills for my mother in law.' Doctor.. 'oh dear, has she got insomnia?'' 'No, she's just woken up.' 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26606 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 In a recent survey, when asked when asked what they liked most about oral sex, 30% of men answered 'The feeling' but 70% however referenced 'The peace and quiet'. (I've probably put this on before.......not bovvered). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 So, this shit limbo dancer walked in to a bar… 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38559 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 The other night I thought I’d discovered a fetish for taste, touch, smell, sight and sound. Then I came to my senses. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 9941 Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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