Dr Gloom 19752 Posted December 19, 2018 Author Share Posted December 19, 2018 what do prisoners use to call each other? cell phones 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19752 Posted December 19, 2018 Author Share Posted December 19, 2018 what do you call somebody with no body and no nose? nobody knows Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38622 Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 A blind mate of mine was offered a job - 2 days a week, 10am-2pm, office based. data inputting. £100,000pa and company car. He turned it down. I asked him him why and he said he just couldn’t see himself doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26641 Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 Got a new job at the council. They asked me about any medical issues I had at the interview and I mentioned my recent Op to remove my cancerous testicles and my caffeine allergy. Anyway it wasn't a problem and I start at 11am every day till 5pm. It would've been 9-5 but the manager told not to worry about it as everyone just sits around for the first couple of hours scratching their balls and drinking coffee. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38622 Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 Why have Germany never won an athletics Olympic gold? No matter how hard they try, they just can’t seen to finish a race. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26641 Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 Oof! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38622 Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 I wrestled with my conscience for several seconds before posting that, mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJS 3960 Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 17 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: Why have Germany never won an athletics Olympic gold? No matter how hard they try, they just can’t seen to finish a race. That's actually what Corbyn was mouthing. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38622 Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 4 minutes ago, NJS said: That's actually what Corbyn was mouthing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19752 Posted December 20, 2018 Author Share Posted December 20, 2018 12 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: I wrestled with my conscience for several seconds before posting that, mind. Nothing breaks the ice like a holocaust joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38622 Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 30 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: Nothing breaks the ice like a holocaust joke Solomon Eisberg? So, in my youth, I pulled this model, spent the night at her place. Came down to breakfast, to find her staring intently at the juice. I asked if she was ok, and she said, “ It says ‘concentrate’ on the label” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16503 Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 'Doctor my wife is pregnant. She is having pain right now' 'Is this her first child?' 'No, this is her husband' 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16503 Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 Apparently it's not called anal bleaching anymore. It's changing your ringtone 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16503 Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 Got broken into last night and some fucker nicked my limbo stick. I mean, how low can you go? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gene_Clark 12 Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 Just been to the greengrocer’s; “I'd like one of those small oranges that are so popular at this time of year.” “Mandarin?” he asked, so I replied; “我想要一個如此受歡迎的小橙子 一年的這個時候” 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26193 Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 SAD NEWS 😕 A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after 1 minor fuckup. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the job he loved. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38622 Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 I was working in Gateshead today and got mugged by 6 dwarfs. Not Happy. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38622 Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 Why do Hong Kong cops set their alarms for 4am every day? They like to beat the crowds. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6432 Posted October 25, 2019 Share Posted October 25, 2019 Did you hear about the kiwi who slept with his sister? He didn’t want to but she incested. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anorthernsoul 1221 Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 A scotsman, an irishman and a welshman walk into a bar....................... So they can watch the Rugby World Cup final. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12739 Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 I went to the local Chinese takeaway last night and asked for my usual: Chicken chow mein, salt and pepper chips and a bag of prawn crackers. When it was all ready, the bloke behind the counter tipped it all out into a plastic carrier bag. “Woah, what the fucking hell are you playing at?” I shouted before he told me that they’re not allowed to put Chinese in containers anymore. Sorry 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19752 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Share Posted October 27, 2019 Too soon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38622 Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 How does Jesus get his shopping home? Spoiler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9179 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 On 11/10/2019 at 07:11, Monkeys Fist said: How does Jesus get his shopping home? Reveal hidden contents Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38622 Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 Had a bit go at incest today, since it’s all the rage on porn sites ( according to a “friend” ). If I’m honest, it was an aunty climax. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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