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Dr Gloom

if you heard a joke today, post it

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Ordered a Chinese takeaway and went to the door to collect it as you do and the fucking Chinese lad started screaming 'Isolate! Isolate!' I said, 'Chill oot Jackie, I only rang up for it 20 mins ago.'

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4 hours ago, Ayatollah Hermione said:

What’s a scared Japanese bloke’s favourite ice cream?

 

IT’S VANILLA (Godzilla)!!!

 

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4 hours ago, Ayatollah Hermione said:

What’s a scared Japanese bloke’s favourite ice cream?

 

IT’S VANILLA (Godzilla)!!!

 

Straight out of the Man's Daddy collection, that.

 

 

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Summer of 69 (Corona re-mix 2020)

 

 

I got my first real virus thing
Got it at five to nine
Coughed up 'til my mucous bled
Was the summer of Bat chow mein

Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard.
Jimmy quit, Jody got married
I should've known we'd never get far

Oh, when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Yeah, I'd never wanna be there
Those were the worst days of my life

Ain't no use in complainin'
When you've got a job to do
Spent my evenings down at the factory
And that's when I met you, yeah

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh, and when you held my hand
I knew that it wasn't very clever
Those were the worst days of my life

Oh, yeah.
Back in the summer of Bat chow mein
 

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A braggart racehorse is sitting bullshitting his heart out to a bored looking donkey. He did this, he did that, reckoned he'd won flats and jumping, the derby and the grand national. The donkey was getting a bit bored with it. Eventually the racehorse pauses and condescendingly says, 'I suppose you make a few quid on Blackpool beach, then?' The donkey pulls out his phone, and Google's 'Zebra' then shows it to the horse. 'Who's that, then?' the horse asks. The donkey replies, 'It's me when I won the champions League with Juventus' 👍

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