Rayvin 4949 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 terrible but I'll probably nick both of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 14532 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 Jesus Christ, Gemmill, man! Anyway, bloke walks into the bar with a stork and a cat. Bloke asks for a pint to which the stork chips in with a "make it two!" And the cat adds "no, make it three, they're paying." This goes on all night, bloke gets pissed, cat and stork get drunk also, cat ducks paying his lob every round. Eventually the stork and cat fuck off for a piss so the barman grabs his chance to question the bloke. "Here mate. What's the craic here? How come you're drinking with a cat who won't get his round in and a stork?" The bloke sighs and tells him about the old lamp he found and how a genie popped out and gave him one wish only. "What did you ask for, mate?" Ask the barman. "What did I ask for?" The now pissed bloke slurred, "I only fucking asked for a bird with long legs and a nice tight pussy." I heard that at high school 30 odd years ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26639 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 I heard that at high school 30 odd years ago It's like an old vintage wine, Rob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38620 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 What's Beethoven's favourite fruit? Ā Ba-na-na-na. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17653 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 I don't get it. Maybe it's the way you type them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38620 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 It's a classic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 I bet you find Stewart Lee funny. I like Stewart Lee. Didn't realise that was a controversial opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 13991 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 Taste in comedy is no laughing matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26193 Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 I like Stewart Lee. Didn't realise that was a controversial opinion. I've wanted to like his stuff but just can't get with it. Ā And I imagine his audience to be just as smug as Lee's persona. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26639 Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 I've wanted to like his stuff but just can't get with it. Ā And I imagine his audience to be just as smug as Lee's persona. Aye, watched his show the other day hoping his stuff would be canny and couldn't believe just how self indulgent it was, it just wasn't funny at all and he almost gloried in that fact. Maybe I was unlucky and hit on a bad night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34203 Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 I haven't watched much Stewart Lee but I liked the album that was on Spotify. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 5890 Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 Some of it is hit and miss but I like him. There's not much of a better alternative getting on telly these days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 And I imagine his audience to be just as smug as Lee's persona. I defo agree with this tbf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayvin 4949 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 (edited) Ā Edited October 24, 2016 by Rayvin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 You're welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38620 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 You asked for it. Ā Ā Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aimaad22 3429 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Is he pure bread though?Ā Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30271 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Did you hear about the woman with five legs? Getting shoes is murder but her knickers fit her like a glove. Ā I know - it's a Dad joke - but Cath started it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38620 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Is he pure bread though? Best in Show at Crusts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38620 Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 So me and Mrs. Fist were getting ready to go out last night, she asked me how her makeup looked. I said I thought she'd painted her eyebrows a little high. She looked surprised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayvin 4949 Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGingerQuiff 2412 Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 I hope she wasn't Mrs Fist until after you married her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38620 Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 I hope she wasn't Mrs Fist until after you married her Very early in our relationship we established certain rules with each other regarding our likes and foibles. She once asked me to stop my, as I saw it, harmless habit of impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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