MrBass 2216 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I saw a disabled man who had fell from his wheelchair lying in the road today.At first I was going to help him, but I just stepped over him instead. "How can you just walk away from me like that?" he shouted in disbelief. "My legs work!" I replied, and carried on jauntily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) I thought I heard my neighbours shagging last night, there was lots of moaning and banging on the wall. It turns out her elderly mother had fallen in the bedroom and was trying to get my attention with her stick........... I feel really guilty about that wank now. Edited July 4, 2011 by Jusoda Kid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 When it comes to shoplifting from sweet shops I've got a few twix up my sleeve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6434 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Was shagging this bird over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking back, I really should have legged it - but you don't get offers like that every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38737 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 My mate asked me the other day 'what's your ring tone?' I replied 'I've never looked tbh but I'd imagine light brownish'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac-Toon 1 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 My mate asked me the other day 'what's your ring tone?' I replied 'I've never looked tbh but I'd imagine light brownish'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac-Toon 1 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 What does the average Paki weigh? .... ...Sweets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakehips 0 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 What does the average Paki weigh? .... ...Sweets. That's utterly disgraceful, but... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38737 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I dig holes and fill them with water for a living. It's well boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Castell 0 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Blackburn Rovers Football Club. If the stories about what's going on are true, then I'd be happy with Mike Ashley. Really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38737 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Oooh, what's that then William? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Castell 0 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) Apologies for hijacking the thread......... Right, there is so much allegedly going on. Firstly, the budget for transfers and the standard of player has dropped from Cisse (German based striker) and Piatti to Benjiani standard of freebie crap.That is if the various groups can decide who the fuck to make a move for (the Rao family, Kentaro/SEM and Kean apparently drew up their own lists of targets) The Jones money has allegedly disappeared and we'll have to sell before we buy a £2.5m defender from Monaco. Today's story is that there is a rumour that the Raos want to sell. So we've gone from looking forward to having a belting young Argie playing for us to selling what few good players we have left. The problem is, there are so many stories about transfer targets, budgets, indecision at the boardroom......etc. that we fans don't know what to believe. Frankly, under Venky's we're looking 100 times worse than when you went down a few seasons ago. So we're a fucking joke club right now. I'd put a joke on as well, but I actually haven't heard any. Edited July 6, 2011 by Billy Castell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38737 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Since being diagnosed with Alzheimers, Glenn Cambell has been overwhelmed by the support shown him. He's getting cards and letters from people he don't even know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 How many dancers does it take to change a lightbulb? And 5,6,7,8... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38737 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 How many men would it take to clean a tiled floor 30ft x 25ft? None, it's women's work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26772 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Tiger Woods reckons he changes his irons once a year. How times change. A good set of irons used to last a nigger for a lifetime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26772 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 NYPD have today announced the arrest of Kermit The Frog. Sources claim the Police raided Kermit's apartment after PC World reported obscene material on his laptop. Police say its the worst case of Frogspawn they've ever seen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentAxeman 82 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I've got a confession, when I was younger I was kidnapped by aliens. They swapped some of my body parts with animal body parts. If I find them I'm going to kill them with my Bear hands............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6434 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Wor lass has bought a pair of them Meatloaf knickers. On the front they say 'I would do anything for love....' and on the back '...but I won't do that'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentAxeman 82 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Genuine conversation between the 2 flowerpot men : Bill: flibberyflabberyflobrob Ben: if u like me that much u'de swallow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 31 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I've got a confession, when I was younger I was kidnapped by aliens. They swapped some of my body parts with animal body parts. If I find them I'm going to kill them with my Bear hands............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentAxeman 82 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 What's Islam and a sat-nav got in common? You think you're on the right path, but follow them literally and you'll end up smashing into a fucking building. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38737 Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 How many partially deaf people does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends how many whats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevenL 0 Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 Was pretty drunk last night, fally-down drunk, so I tried crossing the road to the taxi rank, stumbling all over. Copper comes over to me and says "What are you doing?" told him I was heading over to the taxi rank, he goes "you know there a zebra crossing over there?" so I replied "I hope he's doing a better job then me" ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now