Spireite1997 0 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Hi, A couple of years ago I posted a topic asking for funny football stories for my website (awayend). I had some great responses and stories sent in that went on the site, I am now in the process of putting a book together of all the best stories that have been sent in. I had stories from the forum members listed below, who unfortunately I have lost contact details for. If you are one of them, could you please get in touch via this forum or the website (not added address as not sure it is allowed, but search for awayend and you will find it!) and let me know if you are happy for your story to go in the book? Kevin Carr's Stevie Brazilian Bob Jamie Gordon Thanks a lot and congratulations on a great season. My teams Chesterfield and we were relegated -rubbish! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Aye I'm Stevie, put mine down in the book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34140 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Weren't they edited to take the swearing out? I seem to remember Stevie crikey-ing up a storm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19714 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Flip you, you blinking melon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spireite1997 0 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Share Posted May 15, 2012 Cheers Stevie, much appreciated! Unfortunately the swearing had to be 'toned down' a bit for the site, the worlds gone mad! Cheers as well Dr Gloom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8929 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Cheers Stevie, much appreciated! Unfortunately the swearing had to be 'toned down' a bit for the site, the worlds gone mad! Cheers as well Dr Gloom. Well, that's a punt in the cunt and no mistake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spireite1997 0 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Share Posted May 15, 2012 Thanks a million for that Ant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12733 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Have you got Stevie's to post? I'd love to see the edited one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26107 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 'Fat cunt' has become 'rotund gentleman'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spireite1997 0 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Share Posted May 15, 2012 This is the version on the website: One year at Derby I as just a kid really, 14 I think I was, was the game we lost 4-1 with three sent off. Derby had a firm called the Derby Lunatic Fringe, and as all the coaches were pulling away they started showing up looking for stragglers or so it seemed. Anyway we took a wrong turning on our minibus, and all of a sudden about 30 of them clocked us on this road on this industrial estate, near the royal mail building for people who know Derby, and we're stuck at some lights, and they start running towards our minibus, I was crapping it being the age I was, although plenty of them on the minibus would fight anyone. Anyway the lights changed just as they got 20 feet from our bus, thank god, but 100 yards away there was another set of lights most of the Derby stopped chasing us apart from this one fat lad. He could narf run for a fat lad he kept running, so someone shouted at the minibus driver to stop, this fat lad "come on then you geordie ***** you aint goin nowhere!", one of the lads big hard bloke with a reputation, jumps off the bus shouts at him "we are goin somewhere and you're coming too", he ran at him, hit him once and dragged him on the minibus! Locked the door, and didn't let him off till we got to the Talk of The Tyne in Gateshead. Was a bit harsh but the bloke deserved it big time. Very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spireite1997 0 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 A quick post to let you know the book featuring stories from members of this forum is out now. It is called 'The Away End' and is out as a Kindle version. You can find it at: http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Away-End-ebook/dp/B0088RJDFK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339157128&sr=8-1 Thanks to all who contributed. Please feel free to send anymore to the website as I am already putting together book number 2. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16456 Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 This is the version on the website: One year at Derby I as just a kid really, 14 I think I was, was the game we lost 4-1 with three sent off. Derby had a firm called the Derby Lunatic Fringe, and as all the coaches were pulling away they started showing up looking for stragglers or so it seemed. Anyway we took a wrong turning on our minibus, and all of a sudden about 30 of them clocked us on this road on this industrial estate, near the royal mail building for people who know Derby, and we're stuck at some lights, and they start running towards our minibus, I was crapping it being the age I was, although plenty of them on the minibus would fight anyone. Anyway the lights changed just as they got 20 feet from our bus, thank god, but 100 yards away there was another set of lights most of the Derby stopped chasing us apart from this one fat lad. He could narf run for a fat lad he kept running, so someone shouted at the minibus driver to stop, this fat lad "come on then you geordie ***** you aint goin nowhere!", one of the lads big hard bloke with a reputation, jumps off the bus shouts at him "we are goin somewhere and you're coming too", he ran at him, hit him once and dragged him on the minibus! Locked the door, and didn't let him off till we got to the Talk of The Tyne in Gateshead. Was a bit harsh but the bloke deserved it big time. Very funny. Pure class Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26580 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I wouldn't know when to start with away tales but the simple ones are the best, at Bramall Lane one of our number who for arguments sake we'll call 'silly' Billy, was standing up on a metal bollard, pissed and starting some singing off, it was the game where we got beat 2-0 but qualified for Europe in our first season back up as Arsenal got beat at home to West Ham, anyway, it was a sunny and about 8,000 Geordies in Sheffield had a good day out on the drink. Back to Silly Billy, he gets up and starts to sing but loses his balance as the Union Jack flag wrapped round his waist with 'NUFC' on went down to his feet and kind of tripped him up. He fell ower and hurt his back and got stretchered off by the stewards and St. Johns Ambulance. As Silly Billy was getting taking around the pitchside we started singing 'Billy! give us a wave, billy, Billy give us a wave' which he ignored as all we could see was his hands over his eyes and you could just see his nose and tache. Then all of a sudden, the chant went up from the 8,000, 'If you're proud to be a Geordie clap your hands'. The call was too much to ignore, the hands moved from the eyes, and despite looking in pain , the hands went up to start clapping whilst lying on the stretcher with teeth being grinded as it hurt to clap. Proper Geordie, Billy, like. We took a big metal sign back to our local which we ripped off the wall as well that day as a souvenir, it said 'CCTV is watching you at Bramall Lane'. Obviously not watching hard enough, though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spireite1997 0 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 I wouldn't know when to start with away tales but the simple ones are the best, at Bramall Lane one of our number who for arguments sake we'll call 'silly' Billy, was standing up on a metal bollard, pissed and starting some singing off, it was the game where we got beat 2-0 but qualified for Europe in our first season back up as Arsenal got beat at home to West Ham, anyway, it was a sunny and about 8,000 Geordies in Sheffield had a good day out on the drink. Back to Silly Billy, he gets up and starts to sing but loses his balance as the Union Jack flag wrapped round his waist with 'NUFC' on went down to his feet and kind of tripped him up. He fell ower and hurt his back and got stretchered off by the stewards and St. Johns Ambulance. As Silly Billy was getting taking around the pitchside we started singing 'Billy! give us a wave, billy, Billy give us a wave' which he ignored as all we could see was his hands over his eyes and you could just see his nose and tache. Then all of a sudden, the chant went up from the 8,000, 'If you're proud to be a Geordie clap your hands'. The call was too much to ignore, the hands moved from the eyes, and despite looking in pain , the hands went up to start clapping whilst lying on the stretcher with teeth being grinded as it hurt to clap. Proper Geordie, Billy, like. We took a big metal sign back to our local which we ripped off the wall as well that day as a souvenir, it said 'CCTV is watching you at Bramall Lane'. Obviously not watching hard enough, though! Love the story mate, can I add it to the website and the list for book number 2? Hoping the paperback version will be available today, fingers crossed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26580 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Love the story mate, can I add it to the website and the list for book number 2? Hoping the paperback version will be available today, fingers crossed! Fill your boots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYD 0 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 A quick post to let you know the book featuring stories from members of this forum is out now. It is called 'The Away End' and is out as a Kindle version. You can find it at: http://www.amazon.co...39157128&sr=8-1 Thanks to all who contributed. Please feel free to send anymore to the website as I am already putting together book number 2. Cheers The book sounds good. I'll be buying it. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3176 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I should have told my story about going in the fulwell end in 1985. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 14482 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I should have told my story about going in the fulwell end in 1985. Dont keep it to yourself Kev, you're amongst friends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3176 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Dont keep it to yourself Kev, you're amongst friends I went to all the games with my brother in law we went all over the country always loved seeing the convoys of armstrong galley coaches made me feel really part of something great. Anyway we couldn't get tickets for the Roker end but managed to get 2 for the fulwell end (actually can't remember if we got tickets or just paid in). Hi brother had told us about the invasion and that everyone was going to be on the left hand side of the fulwell end. We went in and noticed a bunch of lads who like us weren't wearing colours (for obvious reasons). My brother had previously made sure I was wearing my doc martins as they gave a good kick and wouldn't fall off when being chased while at the same time being very runnable in. So we went through the turnstiles and headed down to the left hand side of the ground quite close to the front where the fences were. Just after kick off we heard the first roar of "UNITED clap clap clap UNITED etc etc...." so we joined in. It was then we realised his dozy brother had meant the left hand side as viewed from the pitch. us and the other 5 or so NUFC fans (obviously equally badly informed) legged it toward the paddocks in the clock stand. kicking punching and forcing our way through. We ended up standing in the paddock quiet as mice for the rest of the game and left 10 minutes early to leg it to the car. One of many stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ADP 0 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 This is the version on the website: One year at Derby I as just a kid really, 14 I think I was, was the game we lost 4-1 with three sent off. Derby had a firm called the Derby Lunatic Fringe, and as all the coaches were pulling away they started showing up looking for stragglers or so it seemed. Anyway we took a wrong turning on our minibus, and all of a sudden about 30 of them clocked us on this road on this industrial estate, near the royal mail building for people who know Derby, and we're stuck at some lights, and they start running towards our minibus, I was crapping it being the age I was, although plenty of them on the minibus would fight anyone. Anyway the lights changed just as they got 20 feet from our bus, thank god, but 100 yards away there was another set of lights most of the Derby stopped chasing us apart from this one fat lad. He could narf run for a fat lad he kept running, so someone shouted at the minibus driver to stop, this fat lad "come on then you geordie ***** you aint goin nowhere!", one of the lads big hard bloke with a reputation, jumps off the bus shouts at him "we are goin somewhere and you're coming too", he ran at him, hit him once and dragged him on the minibus! Locked the door, and didn't let him off till we got to the Talk of The Tyne in Gateshead. Was a bit harsh but the bloke deserved it big time. Very funny. That's awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 14482 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I went to all the games with my brother in law we went all over the country always loved seeing the convoys of armstrong galley coaches made me feel really part of something great. Anyway we couldn't get tickets for the Roker end but managed to get 2 for the fulwell end (actually can't remember if we got tickets or just paid in). Hi brother had told us about the invasion and that everyone was going to be on the left hand side of the fulwell end. We went in and noticed a bunch of lads who like us weren't wearing colours (for obvious reasons). My brother had previously made sure I was wearing my doc martins as they gave a good kick and wouldn't fall off when being chased while at the same time being very runnable in. So we went through the turnstiles and headed down to the left hand side of the ground quite close to the front where the fences were. Just after kick off we heard the first roar of "UNITED clap clap clap UNITED etc etc...." so we joined in. It was then we realised his dozy brother had meant the left hand side as viewed from the pitch. us and the other 5 or so NUFC fans (obviously equally badly informed) legged it toward the paddocks in the clock stand. kicking punching and forcing our way through. We ended up standing in the paddock quiet as mice for the rest of the game and left 10 minutes early to leg it to the car. One of many stories. You in here Kev?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3176 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Yes just on the other side of the fulwell surrounded by extremely annoyed makems Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26580 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I heard a tale from round wor way a few years ago, it goes a something like this; The Toon had drawn Blackpool in the Littlewoods Cup over two legs, the return leg we won 4-1 with Mirandinha and Gazza amongst the scorers, think Tinnion scored as well? Anyway, 1st leg was midweek at Bloomfield Road (3rd div Blackpool beat us 2-1, TC getting our goal IIRC?) and a transit van from the East end made it's way down to the game, obviously a lot of drink was consumed and as it was Blackpool they stayed in a clurb after the game topping up the alcohol levels. Anyway, about five minutes after setting off they spot someone they know from Walker sprawled over a kerb absolutely comatose. They stop the van, get out and ask him how he got down? Getting no sense out of him they decide he must have got down early for the game and got off his face and missed the bus/van home so they help him in their van and decide to drop him off as they didn't like to leave the kid by himself in Blackpool. Anyway, a few hours later they pull up at his street and after a bit of sleep he's had they manage to wake him up. The kid sees one look at his house and says, "Ahh fucking hell, man!!! Wor lass is ganna fucking gan beserk!!" He'd went down to Blackpool with the Missus and his bairns that week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ADP 0 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) Heard this from me fatha: A load of him and his mates went down to an away game in the early 80's somewhere in Yorkshire. As was their custom, about 20 of the lads had been out on the night before. One of the lads, aptly named 'Snakebite Phil' (he only ever used to drink snakebites) was there - a 5 ft irish lad who had hair as red as the devil's cock. By all accounts this lad was canny nuts, and was prone to getting himself into some sticky situations by way of his unwavering love for snakebites. Anyways, the friday night before the match, all the lads were out, had a canny night, got bladdered. Snakebite decided to venture out of his comfort zone and stayed on the stout most of the night... In the morning, they all met up at the train station to go down to the match. Snakebite is the last to appear, and when he gets there, is complaining of a bad stomach. No one pays attention and they get back on the sauce. By kick off they are all absolutely fucked, and by the final whistle even worse. Unlike him, Snakebite is rather quiet, enjoying his namesake drink all the while, but just a bit out of sorts nonetheless. Once the game ends, 20 monged geordies realise that they have to leg it to the train station to catch the train. Whilst realising this news, Snakebites problems come to a head, and he tells the other lads that he's had a stomach ache all day and he's shit himself. 'A need tuh get sum new baggies man these are covvad in shite!' They say they don't have enough time but on their way to the station - literally outside of it - Snakebite sees a denim shop and rushes in, grabs the first pair of jeans he sees, pays for them, and legs it out... They all get on the train as the doors are shutting. Snakebite, with a cheeky grin on his face says to the lads, 'reet boys, am gannin to sort mesel oot in the bogs. Someone giz a tinny ready for when a get back'. Snakebite gets to the toilets on the train pretty sharpish (bearing in mind his stinks of shit), locks the door of the toilet, takes off his shitty trousers and throws them out of the bathroom window... He opens up the bag which contains his jeans from the denim shop only to to pull out... a denim jacket. He had ran into the shop in such a hurry, he didnt realise what he was buying, just assuming they were jeans. Completely ball bagged at the time, this doesn't hinder him too much, as he ties the jacket round his waist so the back of the jacket is covering his modesty. Unfortunately for him, he forgot that his arse was still caked in shite and as he walked down the isle of the train proud as punch at his innovation, every other passenger he passed got a sight of wor Snakebite's shitty ginger arse. Edited June 20, 2012 by ADP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26580 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Away tales mixed in with a 'shit yourself' story. Love it. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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