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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do


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Whenever she asks you a question just say "Aye, but where's the Carroll money gone, chum?"

 

She'll gan fucking crackers

 

she'll probably say "who's this fucking Carol?!". Should do the trick.

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Always a tough one this type of situation... I mean basically you want to end it on good enough terms that you can still sleep with her occasionally, but not such good terms that she thinks that there's a chance of you getting back together, and also if she's bat shit crazy decides to not tell you she's come off the pill & tries to trap you.

 

Basically the only option would seemingly to be kill her, keep her body in the freezer and just defrost her from time to time for some lovin.

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Keep suggesting a three way with one of your mates (the grossest, fattest lad ya know), if she says no say to get her fittest mate involved, keep mentioning it until she thinks you fancy her mate, bins you off or lets you stick a digit in her mate. Or fake your death, it's imperative that you don't do what would be 'right' and find a way to weasel out of responsibilty.

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