Jump to content
Smooth Operator

Rancid Turds

Recommended Posts

 

Kettle...pot....and I will have you know I only ever need one...FACT :)

78074[/snapback]

Without the second one, how do you know you got it all off though? :)

78077[/snapback]

 

call it "female intuition".... :)

78081[/snapback]

 

Call it skiddy thongs more like.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Kettle...pot....and I will have you know I only ever need one...FACT :)

78074[/snapback]

Without the second one, how do you know you got it all off though? :)

78077[/snapback]

 

call it "female intuition".... :)

78081[/snapback]

 

Call it skiddy thongs more like.

78083[/snapback]

 

Don't worry, the coats already on. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Kettle...pot....and I will have you know I only ever need one...FACT :)

78074[/snapback]

Without the second one, how do you know you got it all off though? :)

78077[/snapback]

 

call it "female intuition".... :)

78081[/snapback]

 

Call it skiddy thongs more like.

78083[/snapback]

 

Don't worry, the coats already on. :)

78084[/snapback]

Don't forget you scarf on your way !!! :razz:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Kettle...pot....and I will have you know I only ever need one...FACT :)

78074[/snapback]

Without the second one, how do you know you got it all off though? :)

78077[/snapback]

 

call it "female intuition".... :)

78081[/snapback]

 

Call it skiddy thongs more like.

78083[/snapback]

 

Don't worry, the coats already on. :)

78084[/snapback]

Don't forget you scarf on your way !!! :razz:

78085[/snapback]

 

As long as you havent used it to wipe

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:)

 

Kettle...pot....and I will have you know I only ever need one...FACT :rolleyes:

78074[/snapback]

Without the second one, how do you know you got it all off though? :razz:

78077[/snapback]

 

call it "female intuition".... :razz:

78081[/snapback]

 

Call it skiddy thongs more like.

78083[/snapback]

 

Don't worry, the coats already on. :)

78084[/snapback]

Don't forget you scarf on your way !!! :rolleyes:

78085[/snapback]

 

As long as you havent used it to wipe

78087[/snapback]

:):)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Most lasses i know never seem to shit then they complain of having bad bowls etc, strange Fuckas.

 

As for the 3 wipes malarky, what a load of shit (excuse the pun), you keep wiping until the bog roll is clean and in my case if I've been on the snakey at the weekend this usually means wiping until theres no roll left or until i draw blood, whatever comes first tbh

Edited by Wacky Jnr

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Most lasses i know never seem to shit then they complain of having bad bowls etc, strange Fuckas.

 

As for the 3 wipes malarky, what a load of shit (excuse the pun), you keep wiping until the bog roll is clean and in my case if I've been on the snakey at the weekend this usually means wiping until theres no roll left or until i draw blood, whatever comes first tbh

78090[/snapback]

 

Aye she wont shit at work and if she need to drop a few mates off early doors she keeps them waiting til we get home. Don't know how they manage it tbh, must be doing some damage I reckon, the slightest quiver of my schinter(sp?) and I'm off to the traps.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Most lasses i know never seem to shit then they complain of having bad bowls etc, strange Fuckas.

 

As for the 3 wipes malarky, what a load of shit (excuse the pun), you keep wiping until the bog roll is clean and in my case if I've been on the snakey at the weekend this usually means wiping until theres no roll left or until i draw blood, whatever comes first tbh

78090[/snapback]

 

How has a thread that started out as a perfectly proper story about rancid turds degenerated into a tale of shitty bogroll?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Most lasses i know never seem to shit then they complain of having bad bowls etc, strange Fuckas.

 

As for the 3 wipes malarky, what a load of shit (excuse the pun), you keep wiping until the bog roll is clean and in my case if I've been on the snakey at the weekend this usually means wiping until theres no roll left or until i draw blood, whatever comes first tbh

78090[/snapback]

 

Aye she wont shit at work and if she need to drop a few mates off early doors she keeps them waiting til we get home. Don't know how they manage it tbh, must be doing some damage I reckon, the slightest quiver of my schinter(sp?) and I'm off to the traps.

78091[/snapback]

 

:):):)

 

PS I know you queried the spelling.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Most lasses i know never seem to shit then they complain of having bad bowls etc, strange Fuckas.

 

As for the 3 wipes malarky, what a load of shit (excuse the pun), you keep wiping until the bog roll is clean and in my case if I've been on the snakey at the weekend this usually means wiping until theres no roll left or until i draw blood, whatever comes first tbh

78090[/snapback]

 

How has a thread that started out as a perfectly proper story about rancid turds degenerated into a tale of shitty bogroll?

78092[/snapback]

 

My conscience is clear, it's Wacky, he's like a bad smell!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lasses also claim not to look at the paper before they flush, dirty fuckers. How do they know there arse is clean?

 

That should be an interview question I think.

 

"do you look at the paper after wiping your arse?"

 

No.

 

"get out of my office you scruffy fuck"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does anyone else put paper down to prevent splashback aswell, or is it just me? I hate the cold water on the ring, causes me to tense up and commence a restraining program to lure the shit back to the light.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lasses also claim not to look at the paper before they flush, dirty fuckers. How do they know there arse is clean?

 

That should be an interview question I think.

 

"do you look at the paper after wiping your arse?"

 

No.

 

"get out of my office you scruffy fuck"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does anyone else put paper down to prevent splashback aswell, or is it just me?  I hate the cold water on the ring, causes me to tense up and commence a restraining program to lure the shit back to the light.

78098[/snapback]

 

 

I've bee known to lay a few sheets on the seat in certain toilets.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lasses also claim not to look at the paper before they flush, dirty fuckers. How do they know there arse is clean?

 

That should be an interview question I think.

 

"do you look at the paper after wiping your arse?"

 

No.

 

"get out of my office you scruffy fuck"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does anyone else put paper down to prevent splashback aswell, or is it just me?  I hate the cold water on the ring, causes me to tense up and commence a restraining program to lure the shit back to the light.

78098[/snapback]

 

 

I've been known to lay a few sheets on the seat in certain toilets.

78102[/snapback]

 

Meaning sheets of toilet paper. I wasn't some pervert typing in a Mexican accent just then.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lasses also claim not to look at the paper before they flush, dirty fuckers. How do they know there arse is clean?

 

That should be an interview question I think.

 

"do you look at the paper after wiping your arse?"

 

No.

 

"get out of my office you scruffy fuck"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does anyone else put paper down to prevent splashback aswell, or is it just me?  I hate the cold water on the ring, causes me to tense up and commence a restraining program to lure the shit back to the light.

78098[/snapback]

 

 

I've been known to lay a few sheets on the seat in certain toilets.

78102[/snapback]

 

Meaning sheets of toilet paper. I wasn't some pervert typing in a Mexican accent just then.

78105[/snapback]

 

:)

 

As for paper usage, it just depends, doesn't it - bollocks to this three wipes rule. Recently though for some reason I've been having a lot of paper savers, which is nice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lasses also claim not to look at the paper before they flush, dirty fuckers. How do they know there arse is clean?

 

That should be an interview question I think.

 

"do you look at the paper after wiping your arse?"

 

No.

 

"get out of my office you scruffy fuck"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does anyone else put paper down to prevent splashback aswell, or is it just me?  I hate the cold water on the ring, causes me to tense up and commence a restraining program to lure the shit back to the light.

78098[/snapback]

 

 

I've been known to lay a few sheets on the seat in certain toilets.

78102[/snapback]

 

Meaning sheets of toilet paper. I wasn't some pervert typing in a Mexican accent just then.

78105[/snapback]

 

:)

 

As for paper usage, it just depends, doesn't it - bollocks to this three wipes rule. Recently though for some reason I've been having a lot of paper savers, which is nice.

78107[/snapback]

 

the shit where you wipe and the bog roll is clean is a thing of beauty tbh.. though if your settling yourself down for a big session and are prepared with a paper/magazine etc it can be disappointing.

 

recently Ive had what can only be describe as explosive shits. They sneak up on you and the first warning is a huge stomach cramp then its a mad rush to the nearest bog. Its then three rolls rather than three sheets, its solid like, no sign of weebum. Cant decide whether its the 6 pints of Staropramen or the foot long subway afterwards thats the cause.. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Does anyone else put paper down to prevent splashback aswell, or is it just me?  I hate the cold water on the ring, causes me to tense up and commence a restraining program to lure the shit back to the light.

78098[/snapback]

I thought I was the only one! :)

 

Get yourself to a psychiatrist, sharpish.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Does anyone else put paper down to prevent splashback aswell, or is it just me?  I hate the cold water on the ring, causes me to tense up and commence a restraining program to lure the shit back to the light.

78098[/snapback]

 

Aye I load the bog at work to prevent a wet rear and I also cover the seat of the bog with paper! I may as well bring my toilet duck in tbh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hate having an explosive shit style turd while out in public, you have to go, you dont have a choice.

 

Its like russian roulette with your arse "is that a fart?"

 

Anyway, In those situations I tend to hover over the shitter lid, on one leg sometimes, the other one on the door if the fucking locks missing.

 

I find 3 inches is the ideal height to release, thus preventing a huge splash of dirty public shitter water on your arse and legs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to play football with a kid who had the misfortune of uncontrolably following through! We were on a night out in the Bigg Market and he was at the bar, tried to fart and filled his pants! He ran out the bar and into the underground toilet thing adjacent to High Bridge Street, where he tried to clean himself up, he chucked his Calvins away and did the best clean up job he could manage but it wasn't enough, so then he tried to get a taxi, obviously he didn't want to wait in a queue in his state and even then a taxi driver wouldn't have let him get in with shit all over his jeans! So he started on the long walk back to Newburn!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I used to play football with a kid who had the misfortune of uncontrolably following through! We were on a night out in the Bigg Market and he was at the bar, tried to fart and filled his pants! He ran out the bar and into the underground toilet thing adjacent to High Bridge Street, where he tried to clean himself up, he chucked his Calvins away and did the best clean up job he could manage but it wasn't enough, so then he tried to get a taxi, obviously he didn't want to wait in a queue in his state and even then a taxi driver wouldn't have let him get in with shit all over his jeans! So he started on the long walk back to Newburn!

78148[/snapback]

 

Mark should never have had that sixth WKD, tbh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I went to an away game (ubersoopafantastic tbh) and got canny pissed. Not as pissed as my mate though, who got fucked on the train and shit himself. I had to get him home and somehow managed to clean him up (not pretty, will haunt me till the day I die) in the Central Station bogs and persuade a taxi driver to take us home from town. I spent the journey home pretending to fart in an attempt to convince him I had very bad wind which is why the cab smelt of shit. Thinking back, that bastid owes me one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I went to an away game (ubersoopafantastic tbh) and got canny pissed. Not as pissed as my mate though, who got fucked on the train and shit himself. I had to get him home and somehow managed to clean him up (not pretty, will haunt me till the day I die) in the Central Station bogs and persuade a taxi driver to take us home from town. I spent the journey home pretending to fart in an attempt to convince him I had very bad wind which is why the cab smelt of shit. Thinking back, that bastid owes me one.

78155[/snapback]

 

Lucky bastid!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Recent tweets

Toontastic Facebook

Donate to Toontastic

Keeping the lights on since... well ages ago
TT-Staff


×