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Rancid Turds

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I was once sat down waiting for a turd to commence when I realised that the bathroom door was unlocked, I heard my sister coming up the stairs so lurched up to lock the door.

 

This must have provided the adequate pressure and gave the right amount of purchase because a pebble shit was fired from my arse with a pop sound, I turned round and it had spliced itself onto the shitter lid with such force it had amost splintered in two and ricoched off the lid.

 

Near scrape with death tbh

78219[/snapback]

:):):):):razz:

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Guest alex
:)  :)  :)

 

one of my mates decided to take his cheating, much hated girlfriend back. Early one Saturday morning two of the lads were walking back from town and spied her car outside his house. They both decided it would be great fun to lay a turd on her bonnet, spell out some obscenitites with it and also wedge some shit under her door handles. 30 secs after seeing her out the door as she went off to work my mate said she came rushing back in, crying hysterically as she ran to the bog to throw up.

78217[/snapback]

The geezer I used to live next to was a bit of a nob. Anyway, I used to like pissing on his car door handle on the way back from the boozer on frosty nights, meaning he had a nice bit on my frozen piss to touch the next day. I thought about shitting on the bonnet but I was a bit worried about getting caught and getting done via DNA evidence.

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:)  :)  :)

 

one of my mates decided to take his cheating, much hated girlfriend back. Early one Saturday morning two of the lads were walking back from town and spied her car outside his house. They both decided it would be great fun to lay a turd on her bonnet, spell out some obscenitites with it and also wedge some shit under her door handles. 30 secs after seeing her out the door as she went off to work my mate said she came rushing back in, crying hysterically as she ran to the bog to throw up.

78217[/snapback]

The geezer I used to live next to was a bit of a nob. Anyway, I used to like pissing on his car door handle on the way back from the boozer on frosty nights, meaning he had a nice bit on my frozen piss to touch the next day. I thought about shitting on the bonnet but I was a bit worried about getting caught and getting done via DNA evidence.

78225[/snapback]

 

Fucking hell......and he was only a bit of a nob? I'd hate to see what you did to someone you really took a dislike to you scruffy bastard.

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I was once sat down waiting for a turd to commence when I realised that the bathroom door was unlocked, I heard my sister coming up the stairs so lurched up to lock the door.

 

This must have provided the adequate pressure and gave the right amount of purchase because a pebble shit was fired from my arse with a pop sound, I turned round and it had spliced itself onto the shitter lid with such force it had amost splintered in two and ricoched off the lid.

 

Near scrape with death tbh

78219[/snapback]

:):):):):razz:

78224[/snapback]

That was actually meant to be qouting so's story with the dog, funny mistake though I guess.

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:)  :)  :)

 

one of my mates decided to take his cheating, much hated girlfriend back. Early one Saturday morning two of the lads were walking back from town and spied her car outside his house. They both decided it would be great fun to lay a turd on her bonnet, spell out some obscenitites with it and also wedge some shit under her door handles. 30 secs after seeing her out the door as she went off to work my mate said she came rushing back in, crying hysterically as she ran to the bog to throw up.

78217[/snapback]

:)

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AF will be filing this thread under 'Why I hate Geordies' for later use, scruffy bastards! :)

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Guest alex
:)  :)  :)

 

one of my mates decided to take his cheating, much hated girlfriend back. Early one Saturday morning two of the lads were walking back from town and spied her car outside his house. They both decided it would be great fun to lay a turd on her bonnet, spell out some obscenitites with it and also wedge some shit under her door handles. 30 secs after seeing her out the door as she went off to work my mate said she came rushing back in, crying hysterically as she ran to the bog to throw up.

78217[/snapback]

The geezer I used to live next to was a bit of a nob. Anyway, I used to like pissing on his car door handle on the way back from the boozer on frosty nights, meaning he had a nice bit on my frozen piss to touch the next day. I thought about shitting on the bonnet but I was a bit worried about getting caught and getting done via DNA evidence.

78225[/snapback]

 

Fucking hell......and he was only a bit of a nob? I'd hate to see what you did to someone you really took a dislike to you scruffy bastard.

78226[/snapback]

Pissed up hi-jinx man, you of all people should be able to relate to that :)

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:)  :)  :)

 

one of my mates decided to take his cheating, much hated girlfriend back. Early one Saturday morning two of the lads were walking back from town and spied her car outside his house. They both decided it would be great fun to lay a turd on her bonnet, spell out some obscenitites with it and also wedge some shit under her door handles. 30 secs after seeing her out the door as she went off to work my mate said she came rushing back in, crying hysterically as she ran to the bog to throw up.

78217[/snapback]

The geezer I used to live next to was a bit of a nob. Anyway, I used to like pissing on his car door handle on the way back from the boozer on frosty nights, meaning he had a nice bit on my frozen piss to touch the next day. I thought about shitting on the bonnet but I was a bit worried about getting caught and getting done via DNA evidence.

78225[/snapback]

 

Fucking hell......and he was only a bit of a nob? I'd hate to see what you did to someone you really took a dislike to you scruffy bastard.

78226[/snapback]

Pissed up hi-jinx man, you of all people should be able to relate to that :razz:

78230[/snapback]

 

DNA evidence from a turd? :)

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:)  :)  :razz:

 

one of my mates decided to take his cheating, much hated girlfriend back. Early one Saturday morning two of the lads were walking back from town and spied her car outside his house. They both decided it would be great fun to lay a turd on her bonnet, spell out some obscenitites with it and also wedge some shit under her door handles. 30 secs after seeing her out the door as she went off to work my mate said she came rushing back in, crying hysterically as she ran to the bog to throw up.

78217[/snapback]

The geezer I used to live next to was a bit of a nob. Anyway, I used to like pissing on his car door handle on the way back from the boozer on frosty nights, meaning he had a nice bit on my frozen piss to touch the next day. I thought about shitting on the bonnet but I was a bit worried about getting caught and getting done via DNA evidence.

78225[/snapback]

 

Fucking hell......and he was only a bit of a nob? I'd hate to see what you did to someone you really took a dislike to you scruffy bastard.

78226[/snapback]

Pissed up hi-jinx man, you of all people should be able to relate to that :rolleyes:

78230[/snapback]

 

DNA evidence from a turd? :)

78236[/snapback]

does your hair come out in it ??? bliddy hell.. :)

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Guest alex
:)  :)  :razz:

 

one of my mates decided to take his cheating, much hated girlfriend back. Early one Saturday morning two of the lads were walking back from town and spied her car outside his house. They both decided it would be great fun to lay a turd on her bonnet, spell out some obscenitites with it and also wedge some shit under her door handles. 30 secs after seeing her out the door as she went off to work my mate said she came rushing back in, crying hysterically as she ran to the bog to throw up.

78217[/snapback]

The geezer I used to live next to was a bit of a nob. Anyway, I used to like pissing on his car door handle on the way back from the boozer on frosty nights, meaning he had a nice bit on my frozen piss to touch the next day. I thought about shitting on the bonnet but I was a bit worried about getting caught and getting done via DNA evidence.

78225[/snapback]

 

Fucking hell......and he was only a bit of a nob? I'd hate to see what you did to someone you really took a dislike to you scruffy bastard.

78226[/snapback]

Pissed up hi-jinx man, you of all people should be able to relate to that :rolleyes:

78230[/snapback]

 

DNA evidence from a turd? :)

78236[/snapback]

does your hair come out in it ??? bliddy hell.. :)

78237[/snapback]

Touchy subject tbh.

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DNA evidence from a turd?  :)

78236[/snapback]

 

The suspect is a Medium pepperoni pizza...

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When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

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When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

78241[/snapback]

 

:):)

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When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

78241[/snapback]

 

best piece of "toilet " humour yet... :)

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When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

78241[/snapback]

 

best piece of "toilet " humour yet... :)

78243[/snapback]

 

Replace kojak with mini me tho.

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DNA evidence from a turd?  :)

78236[/snapback]

 

The suspect is a Medium pepperoni pizza...

78240[/snapback]

 

:):):)

 

Wearing a tomato skin

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When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

78241[/snapback]

 

best piece of "toilet " humour yet... :)

78243[/snapback]

 

Replace kojak with mini me tho.

78246[/snapback]

 

Baby's arm holding an apple tbh.

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Guest alex
When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

78241[/snapback]

 

best piece of "toilet " humour yet... :)

78243[/snapback]

 

Replace kojak with mini me tho.

78246[/snapback]

 

Baby's arm holding an apple tbh.

78252[/snapback]

Only much smaller

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When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

78241[/snapback]

 

The car theme reminds me of when me mates and I tested out the "banana up the tail pipe" theory explored in Beverly Hills Cop on a bloke we used to nikky knocky nine door! We hammered on his door after stuffing 3 banana's up his exhaust, then legged it, as per usual he ran out the house jumped in his car to chase us as we fled on our BMX's. His car made a few nasty noises and tehn a plume of smoke came out the back, he eventually got going only to staul as he pulled off the drive!

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When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

78241[/snapback]

 

best piece of "toilet " humour yet... :)

78243[/snapback]

 

Replace kojak with mini me tho.

78246[/snapback]

 

Baby's arm holding an apple tbh.

78252[/snapback]

 

talking of Sh** there is a bloke in the S** the day whose life has been "destroyed" by his large penis...apparently it is nin inches when it is "asleep" and thirteen and a half when the "alarm" goes off.... :)

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When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

78241[/snapback]

 

best piece of "toilet " humour yet... :)

78243[/snapback]

 

Replace kojak with mini me tho.

78246[/snapback]

 

Baby's arm holding an apple tbh.

78252[/snapback]

 

talking of Sh** there is a bloke in the S** the day whose life has been "destroyed" by his large penis...apparently it is nin inches when it is "asleep" and thirteen and a half when the "alarm" goes off.... :)

78258[/snapback]

 

 

:)

 

If thats true he's almost as big as Wacky lying on his back!

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When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

78241[/snapback]

 

best piece of "toilet " humour yet... :)

78243[/snapback]

 

Replace kojak with mini me tho.

78246[/snapback]

 

Baby's arm holding an apple tbh.

78252[/snapback]

 

talking of Sh** there is a bloke in the S** the day whose life has been "destroyed" by his large penis...apparently it is nin inches when it is "asleep" and thirteen and a half when the "alarm" goes off.... :)

78258[/snapback]

 

 

:)

 

If thats true he's almost as big as Wacky lying on his back!

78268[/snapback]

 

Was at Wacky's last night to pick up some dodgy dvd's, he had a booster seat on the chair he sits on to post shite on here!

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When I lived with my mam and dad some twat in a psorts car kept nicking my parking spot. I staggered home one night from the lercal and decided to piss on it, as you do. I was bursting anyway, so when I started to pee it came out at a canny pace and set the bastards alarm off! I had to sprint quickly ino the house, Kojak still in hand and piss ganning everywhere. My mam thought the front door had been leaking overnight.

78241[/snapback]

 

best piece of "toilet " humour yet... :)

78243[/snapback]

 

Replace kojak with mini me tho.

78246[/snapback]

 

Baby's arm holding an apple tbh.

78252[/snapback]

 

talking of Sh** there is a bloke in the S** the day whose life has been "destroyed" by his large penis...apparently it is nin inches when it is "asleep" and thirteen and a half when the "alarm" goes off.... :)

78258[/snapback]

 

 

:)

 

If thats true he's almost as big as Wacky lying on his back!

78268[/snapback]

 

Was at Wacky's last night to pick up some dodgy dvd's, he had a booster seat on the chair he sits on to post shite on here!

78270[/snapback]

 

 

Apparently his missus straps him into a car baby seat when she goes out to stop him wanking himself blind. She'll be glad you took those dvd's tbh.

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