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What's Currently Wrong With You


Jan
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I was in hospital last night, have some virus that is causing mayhem with my stomach and I've had a constant fever with it, still have. The shivering is the worst. Had to rush to the toilet after I got back home around one in the morning for yet more more diarrhea after I'd managed to fall asleep, almost felt an involuntary fart was a bit wet in the dark. This morning, in the light, the wall next to my bed looked like Bobby Sands cell! Never had anything like this before. As I was struggling to get out of bed doubled over the involuntary fart must've flew out at a very high velocity and hit the wall about a metre away. It wasn't a nice sight I'll be honest. :lol:

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Just now, Gemmill said:

:lol: You dirty cunt. What sort of a maniac does nudey sleeping with the shits too? That is outrageous.

 

Hope you feel better soon, brown mist boy.

 

Tell us you wear adult nappies without telling us you wear adult nappies. :lol:

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7 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

:lol: You dirty cunt. What sort of a maniac does nudey sleeping with the shits too? That is outrageous.

 

Hope you feel better soon, brown mist boy.

 

 

Force of habit plus I've never had a problem making the toilet or cleaning myself properly. First time anything like this has ever happened, never shit myself or anything like that. I've felt better it has to be said. 

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22 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

:lol: You dirty cunt. What sort of a maniac does nudey sleeping with the shits too? That is outrageous.

 

Hope you feel better soon, brown mist boy.

 

 

Good point though, I'll put some hondacrackas on just in case tonight. :good:

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1 hour ago, Howmanheyman said:

I was in hospital last night, have some virus that is causing mayhem with my stomach and I've had a constant fever with it, still have. The shivering is the worst. Had to rush to the toilet after I got back home around one in the morning for yet more more diarrhea after I'd managed to fall asleep, almost felt an involuntary fart was a bit wet in the dark. This morning, in the light, the wall next to my bed looked like Bobby Sands cell! Never had anything like this before. As I was struggling to get out of bed doubled over the involuntary fart must've flew out at a very high velocity and hit the wall about a metre away. It wasn't a nice sight I'll be honest. :lol:


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1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

We need a “Dulux” colour name, and an actual colour name tbh. 
 

Dulux- “ Home Baked Biscuit “

 

Actual- “ Shitewater”.

 

Alternative- "Howmanheymana'veshitmeself".

 

HMHM, loperamide (diocalm) is your saviour. Less than a quid for 6 down the B&M in the forum. 👍

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28 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

Alternative- "Howmanheymana'veshitmeself".

 

HMHM, loperamide (diocalm) is your saviour. Less than a quid for 6 down the B&M in the forum. 👍

 

The wife will have some but I think I'd rather get it out, not that there's much coming out, I had one sandwich yesterday, had cornflakes before I turned in, had a slice of toast and just had some broccoli soup so I'm not exactly filling the void up. 

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2 minutes ago, wykikitoon said:

I haven't had a shit since Sunday night!  Fuck knows what that's gonna be like when that comes out!

 

Allardyce bog buster level I'd guess?

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"Involuntary fart was a bit wet in the dark".

 

Modern day Shakespeare. Thanks for the laugh, hope your.. shit.. gets sorted soon! 

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I’m also creased at HMHM projectile shitting all over the bedroom wall :lol: The smell alone must have been fantastic. Mind, I once had a really bad pain in my gut so rushed to the chod bin and was disappointed that it was only a massive fart. Decided to check anyway and the pan looked like the battle of the Somme. To this day, I don’t know how I didn’t feel it flying out but the fart must have propelled it out at some pace

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