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Number Nine

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In the past, talk of number nine at Newcastle was a completely different beast. In the current climate the only record making number nine we can expect is another embarrassing defeat that further stamps the inconceivable incompetence of the club.

 

Tony Pulis would probably put it very eloquently.... or if he didn't this is what he might say:

"Newcastle is a big club; it's got unbelievable expectations. It's a big animal and it needs feeding and if it's not being fed then it growls and that's what that club is doing at the moment, it's growling."

 

Fucking idiot.

 

Setting aside the sad reality of the situation at the club if you were tasked with ensuring survival and were subsequently able to make team selection for this match who would you include and why?

 

The below players are not available for selection:

WIlliamson

Haidara

Tiote

Janmaat

De Jong

S. Taylor

Elliot

 

That would leave the following... it should be noted that both Armstrong and Dummett could miss out having picked up knocks. I'm not quite sure how to enunciate a defense worse than comically bad, but if Dummett were to be missing I'd have 90 minutes of evidence upon which to figure it out.

 

Tim Krul
Fabricio Coloccini
Ryan Taylor
Moussa Sissoko
Vurnon Anita
Papiss Cissé (not match fit)
Yoan Gouffran
Jack Colback
Facundo Ferreyra
Rolando Aarons (not match fit)
Ayoze Pérez
Jonás Gutiérrez
Rémy Cabella
Gabriel Obertan (not match fit)
Sammy Ameobi (not match fit)
Emmanuel Rivière
Mehdi Abeid
Adam Armstrong
Paul Dummett
Freddie Woodman

 

--------------------------------Krul-----------------------------------

----Anita---------Dummett---------Coloccini--------Jonas-----

------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------Abeid------------------------------------

----------Sissoko---------------------------Colback---------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------

------Perez--------------------------------------Cabella-----------

------------------------Armstrong-----------------------------------

 

Subs: Woodman, Riviere, Cisse, Aarons, R. Taylor, Gouffran, Ameobi

 

It's an admittedly poor poor team, but looking through the players it's difficult to see who could change things up. I have Perez a little closer to our midfield so that he can see more of the ball. Armstrong is up top simply because he has a history of scoring, something that Riviere does not seem capable of. Much like our attack, defensively we're weak as piss and to add insult to injury there's no forwards or midfielders available who will be able to lend any fortitude to our defense of set pieces.

 

Shola Ameobi would be one of the first names on the sheet if he was still here. Let that resonate for a moment.

 

I'd be getting Cisse onto the pitch somewhere around 60-70 minutes depending how things are going. He's been playing with a bung knee for ages now and was still scoring goals somehow, so the longer he's on the picture the better. I'd also be getting Aarons out there as early as his fitness will allow. In theory Armstrong would be the first to make way (assuming he's not having a good game). I'd probably prefer Ameobi to Riviere as another substitute if required as he is at least unpredictable to opposing defenders. That said I'm fully expecting that we'll have to bring Ryan Taylor, as one of our lightweight/pretend/make-believe defenders will pick up a knock at some stage (whether real or otherwise) and will be dying to get off the pitch.

 

What a joke of a squad. How would you line them up?

 

 

 

 

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I'd have it set up the same as you but Riviere instead of Armstrong. I know Riviere is struggling for goals but he has shown some (brief) flashes of being a Premiership player whereas I think Armstrong wont make the grade, he doesn't have the pace or skill to make up for his lack of physicality tbh. Utter shite side whatever way you cut it, what a total fucking disaster.

 

In fact there would be some mild temptation to put Gouffran up top as he did manage to score in the past when he played there, that looks like it's gone now but what else is there I suppose? Just put ol' one leg out on his crutches if necessary.

Edited by Howay

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In the past, talk of number nine at Newcastle was a completely different beast. In the current climate the only record making number nine we can expect is another embarrassing defeat that further stamps the inconceivable incompetence of the club.

 

Tony Pulis would probably put it very eloquently.... or if he didn't this is what he might say:

"Newcastle is a big club; it's got unbelievable expectations. It's a big animal and it needs feeding and if it's not being fed then it growls and that's what that club is doing at the moment, it's growling."

 

Fucking idiot.

 

Setting aside the sad reality of the situation at the club if you were tasked with ensuring survival and were subsequently able to make team selection for this match who would you include and why?

 

The below players are not available for selection:

WIlliamson

Haidara

Tiote

Janmaat

De Jong

S. Taylor

Elliot

 

That would leave the following... it should be noted that both Armstrong and Dummett could miss out having picked up knocks. I'm not quite sure how to enunciate a defense worse than comically bad, but if Dummett were to be missing I'd have 90 minutes of evidence upon which to figure it out.

 

Tim Krul

Fabricio Coloccini

Ryan Taylor

Moussa Sissoko

Vurnon Anita

Papiss Cissé (not match fit)

Yoan Gouffran

Jack Colback

Facundo Ferreyra

Rolando Aarons (not match fit)

Ayoze Pérez

Jonás Gutiérrez

Rémy Cabella

Gabriel Obertan (not match fit)

Sammy Ameobi (not match fit)

Emmanuel Rivière

Mehdi Abeid

Adam Armstrong

Paul Dummett

Freddie Woodman

 

--------------------------------Krul-----------------------------------

----Anita---------Dummett---------Coloccini--------Jonas-----

------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------Abeid------------------------------------

----------Sissoko---------------------------Colback---------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------

------Perez--------------------------------------Cabella-----------

------------------------Armstrong-----------------------------------

 

Subs: Woodman, Riviere, Cisse, Aarons, R. Taylor, Gouffran, Ameobi

 

It's an admittedly poor poor team, but looking through the players it's difficult to see who could change things up. I have Perez a little closer to our midfield so that he can see more of the ball. Armstrong is up top simply because he has a history of scoring, something that Riviere does not seem capable of. Much like our attack, defensively we're weak as piss and to add insult to injury there's no forwards or midfielders available who will be able to lend any fortitude to our defense of set pieces.

 

Shola Ameobi would be one of the first names on the sheet if he was still here. Let that resonate for a moment.

 

I'd be getting Cisse onto the pitch somewhere around 60-70 minutes depending how things are going. He's been playing with a bung knee for ages now and was still scoring goals somehow, so the longer he's on the picture the better. I'd also be getting Aarons out there as early as his fitness will allow. In theory Armstrong would be the first to make way (assuming he's not having a good game). I'd probably prefer Ameobi to Riviere as another substitute if required as he is at least unpredictable to opposing defenders. That said I'm fully expecting that we'll have to bring Ryan Taylor, as one of our lightweight/pretend/make-believe defenders will pick up a knock at some stage (whether real or otherwise) and will be dying to get off the pitch.

 

What a joke of a squad. How would you line them up?

 

TLDR

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Krul

Anita Colo Dummett Jonas

Sissoko Abeid Colback

Perez Ferreyra Cabella

 

I'd chuck Ferreyra in for a start, he can't be worse than Riviere surely and our wingers aren't up to scratch so I'd put Perez out wide with Cabella. There's no point being defensive as that'll suit WBA as they'll probably play for a draw and hope the crowd gets on the players backs.

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Krul

Anita Colo Dummett Jonas

Sissoko Abeid Colback

Perez Ferreyra Cabella

I'd chuck Ferreyra in for a start, he can't be worse than Riviere surely and our wingers aren't up to scratch so I'd put Perez out wide with Cabella. There's no point being defensive as that'll suit WBA as they'll probably play for a draw and hope the crowd gets on the players backs.

He'll put Raylor in at CB, if Dummett isn't fit. No chance of him playing Ferreyra, more than likely put Gouffran in there.

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Anything goes, I wouldn't shirk from giving Chucky a try and I could opt for using reserve team defenders.

As it is, based on who we know are definitely available I would start with...........

 

........................Krul.

 

Anita........Colo........Colback.......Raylor.

 

Cabella.....Abeid.......Sissoko.......Jonas.

 

................Perez.......Riviere.

 

Colback has played at fullback so he might just fill in at centre-back for one game.

Raylor has played left back before.

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