Holidays 2024

[Alex 30376]

Too soon? 

[Monkeys Fist 38739]

19 minutes ago, Alex said:

Too soon? 

Even I winced at that. 

[RobinRobin 9197]

2 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Even I winced at that. 

As if 😉

[The Fish 8989]

Back from a week at Longleat Centre Parcs;

 

Fuck me it's expensive, even after you've paid for the stay and the activities! Food was mostly shite, Bella Italia and Las Iguanas, but because of some holiday park curse it's somehow worse.

The other guests were largely large and scummy. Hopped on the little train thing they've got to get around the camp and 4 female mackems were loudly talking about pretty disgusting shit "Eeee ma cozzy's too small, ma tits neuhrly fell owut". Seemed oblivious to the kids around them until Mrs Fish politely asked them to keep it down (I was under strict non-verbal instruction to keep shtum). Made me smile when the driver shook his keys at them as they got off, only ruined when they seemed in on the joke though.

 

Guests and food aside the place was great. Managed to dodge the really bad weather. Little lad drove a tiny Land Rover Defender round a track, rode a horse, sailed in a boat, swam every day, he even managed a hole in one on a little crazy golf course.

 

Drive back was a nightmare mind, poor kid got car sick so had to stop every now and then, Birmingham where the M5 joins the M6 was a fucking nightmare too. Should have taken a little under 4 hours, ended up being closer to 7.

Edited September 12, 2022 by The Fish

[RobinRobin 9197]

4 minutes ago, The Fish said:

Made me smile when the driver shook his keys at them as they got off, only ruined when they seemed in on the joke though.

Probably assuming some wife swapping later 🙂 

[The Fish 8989]

1 minute ago, RobinRobin said:

Probably assuming some wife swapping later 🙂 

A real mackem family holiday.

[Renton 17745]

30 minutes ago, The Fish said:

Back from a week at Longleat Centre Parcs;

 

Fuck me it's expensive, even after you've paid for the stay and the activities! Food was mostly shite, Bella Italia and Las Iguanas, but because of some holiday park curse it's somehow worse.

The other guests were largely large and scummy. Hopped on the little train thing they've got to get around the camp and 4 female mackems were loudly talking about pretty disgusting shit "Eeee ma cozzy's too small, ma tits neuhrly fell owut". Seemed oblivious to the kids around them until Mrs Fish politely asked them to keep it down (I was under strict non-verbal instruction to keep shtum). Made me smile when the driver shook his keys at them as they got off, only ruined when they seemed in on the joke though.

 

Guests and food aside the place was great. Managed to dodge the really bad weather. Little lad drove a tiny Land Rover Defender round a track, rode a horse, sailed in a boat, swam every day, he even managed a hole in one on a little crazy golf course.

 

Drive back was a nightmare mind, poor kid got car sick so had to stop every now and then, Birmingham where the M5 joins the M6 was a fucking nightmare too. Should have taken a little under 4 hours, ended up being closer to 7.

 

Hey everyone, look at Dave, look at how middle class he's become!

 

 

Surely though the M6 to the Penrith one would have been quicker, also give you the chance to bookend the trip with a vist to the Lakes? You're turning into a right southern ponce. 

[The Fish 8989]

8 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

Hey everyone, look at Dave, look at how middle class he's become!

 

 

Surely though the M6 to the Penrith one would have been quicker, also give you the chance to bookend the trip with a vist to the Lakes? You're turning into a right southern ponce. 

 Centre Parcs isn't middle class, man. Well, I guess the massive treehouse things might be, but the majority isn't. Definitely not the restaurants and pool area. We were having a meal and across from us we saw a Shamuette tuck a paper napkin BETWEEN THE CHINS ON HER NECK! Like it was totally normal.

 

Plus, like I said, Mackems were there.

 

Think we'll do Eurocamp abroad next time.  

 

 

[Monkeys Fist 38739]

10 minutes ago, The Fish said:

Think we'll do Eurocamp abroad next time

I wouldn’t get your hopes up there, either. 

[Renton 17745]

6 minutes ago, The Fish said:

 Centre Parcs isn't middle class, man. Well, I guess the massive treehouse things might be, but the majority isn't. Definitely not the restaurants and pool area. We were having a meal and across from us we saw a Shamuette tuck a paper napkin BETWEEN THE CHINS ON HER NECK! Like it was totally normal.

 

Plus, like I said, Mackems were there.

 

Think we'll do Eurocamp abroad next time.  

 

 

 

I literally can't think of anything more middle class than Centre Parcs. Rich middle class too, it's way more expensive to go to Centre Parcs during the summer holidays than it is to go for a week in the Med in a 4 star hotel. I'm saying this as someone who has been dragged there quite a bit, but always off peak. The only thing that is free is the pool, but they gouge your eyes out for all the other activities (which are the point of going). Even the chain restaurants they have are subject to a 20% uplift on high street prices. Can't see anyone going there who isn't comfortable dropping at least a grand for a weekend and that isn't working class imo. 

[The Fish 8989]

Just now, Monkeys Fist said:

I wouldn’t get your hopes up there, either. 

I was hoping for a more continental breed of pleb.

 

Oliver's Travels it is then.  

[Monkeys Fist 38739]

Just now, The Fish said:

I was hoping for a more continental breed of pleb.

 

Oliver's Travels it is then.  

Nah, same shite just more sweaty. 

[The Fish 8989]

Just now, Renton said:

 

I literally can't think of anything more middle class than Centre Parcs. Rich middle class too, it's way more expensive to go to Centre Parcs during the summer holidays than it is to go for a week in the Med in a 4 star hotel. I'm saying this as someone who has been dragged there quite a bit, but always off peak. The only thing that is free is the pool, but they gouge your eyes out for all the other activities (which are the point of going). Even the chain restaurants they have are subject to a 20% uplift on high street prices. Can't see anyone going there who isn't comfortable dropping at least a grand for a weekend and that isn't working class imo. 

Maybe they all had Groupon vouchers or whatever? The overwhelming majority were not middle class though. Or at least they didn't act, talk, or dress middle class. 

 

You're right though, once you're in the park it's extortionate. They also force you to park your car away from where you're staying (unless you pay for the premium treehouse things). So it's not like you can just drive to a Sainsbury's local or whatever. The on-site market was charging £4.50 for a pack of anaemic looking 'ham'. The price and the fact that I'd seen quite enough sallow looking pig flesh, put me off it.

[Monkeys Fist 38739]

2 minutes ago, The Fish said:

the fact that I'd seen quite enough sallow looking pig flesh, put me off it.

[Renton 17745]

2 minutes ago, The Fish said:

Maybe they all had Groupon vouchers or whatever? The overwhelming majority were not middle class though. Or at least they didn't act, talk, or dress middle class. 

 

You're right though, once you're in the park it's extortionate. They also force you to park your car away from where you're staying (unless you pay for the premium treehouse things). So it's not like you can just drive to a Sainsbury's local or whatever. The on-site market was charging £4.50 for a pack of anaemic looking 'ham'. The price and the fact that I'd seen quite enough sallow looking pig flesh, put me off it.

 

You did know you can drive to your dwelling to unload your car when you get there, before returning it to the main car park? Please don't tell me you lugged your suitcases across the whole park!?

 

[The Fish 8989]

11 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

You did know you can drive to your dwelling to unload your car when you get there, before returning it to the main car park? Please don't tell me you lugged your suitcases across the whole park!?

 

Come off it man, I tried to blag leaving the car outside our gaff but we got a passive aggressive "Thank you for helping keep the park free for everyone to enjoy by parking your car in the provided car park." with the threat hidden in the small print "If you do not remove your car you'll be asked to leave the site."

[ewerk 26284]

The first lesson in visiting Center Parcs is to bring everything you could conceivably need with you to avoid paying their extortionate prices. Also to make sure someone has cooked something that can be re-heated one of the nights to avoid having to go to one of their over-priced yet distinctly average restaurants every night. Even their takeaways are well overpriced.

[Dr Gloom 19813]

posh butlins tbh

[Dr Gloom 19813]

i went a few times when the kids were little. it is very expensive for what it is: midmarket high street chain restaurants and swimming in a giant petri dish, and a mini go ape. 

 

the best thing about it was the kids could ride their bikes everywhere with gay abandon, without having to worry about them being knocked over

 

 

 

[Renton 17745]

5 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

i went a few times when the kids were little. it is very expensive for what it is: midmarket high street chain restaurants and swimming in a giant petri dish, and a mini go ape. 

 

the best thing about it was the kids could ride their bikes everywhere with gay abandon, without having to worry about them being knocked over

 

 

 

 

Unless the Fish has his way, returning with his car laden with bags from Lidl.

Edited September 12, 2022 by Renton

[Renton 17745]

10 minutes ago, ewerk said:

The first lesson in visiting Center Parcs is to bring everything you could conceivably need with you to avoid paying their extortionate prices. Also to make sure someone has cooked something that can be re-heated one of the nights to avoid having to go to one of their over-priced yet distinctly average restaurants every night. Even their takeaways are well overpriced.

 

This is true but am I fuck cooking when I'm on "holiday". Even reheating stuff. If you do the three night thing (Friday to Sunday) I'll eat out. If you can get a table that is, they are short staffed since Brexit. 

[Gemmill 34422]

Welcome to mumtastic.net

[Meenzer 14031]

On 12/09/2022 at 11:47, The Fish said:

Back from a week at Longleat Centre Parcs;

 

Fuck me it's expensive, even after you've paid for the stay and the activities! Food was mostly shite, Bella Italia and Las Iguanas, but because of some holiday park curse it's somehow worse.

The other guests were largely large and scummy. Hopped on the little train thing they've got to get around the camp and 4 female mackems were loudly talking about pretty disgusting shit "Eeee ma cozzy's too small, ma tits neuhrly fell owut". Seemed oblivious to the kids around them until Mrs Fish politely asked them to keep it down (I was under strict non-verbal instruction to keep shtum). Made me smile when the driver shook his keys at them as they got off, only ruined when they seemed in on the joke though.

 

Guests and food aside the place was great. Managed to dodge the really bad weather. Little lad drove a tiny Land Rover Defender round a track, rode a horse, sailed in a boat, swam every day, he even managed a hole in one on a little crazy golf course.

 

Drive back was a nightmare mind, poor kid got car sick so had to stop every now and then, Birmingham where the M5 joins the M6 was a fucking nightmare too. Should have taken a little under 4 hours, ended up being closer to 7.

 

At least you picked the right week to go.

 

 

[Renton 17745]

Fucking insane. They're open every day normally including Christmas day, although (cos Brexit) you don't get any cleaners/maids during your stay any more. Presumably people will need to leave on Sunday 18th so as not to disrespect the Queen? So 2 days lost if a long stay, 1 night if a short weekend stay? I mean, JUST. GET . FUCKED.

 

On a brighter note it's been confirmed I'm getting Monday off. Gawd Bless You Liz. 

 

[Renton 17745]

There's people on that thread saying their pre-op cancer appointments have been cancelled. Jesus Christ, that is breathtaking. If that's true it needs to be on the news.